smile at strangers

i'm still a dreamer

2012-01-28T17:20:00.000-08:00

i have always been a big dreamer
always

it started young.

i used to want to be an astronaut
neil armstrong grew up near me
so after so many trips to the museam
and constantly eating "space icecream"
i wanted to walk on the moon

then i wanted to be a doctor
hahah that's funny
not because it's so far fetched
but because i pass out at the mention of blood
i am probably the only person in the history of the "body museum"
to black out while just looking at the bodies
haha
but i wanted to be a doctor

i also played roller hockey everyday in the summer
for hours and hours on end
all guys
and then me
i watched the mighty ducks all the time
i had every intention on playing in the olympics...
on the guys team :)

i took dance lessons
haha you know i love to dance
and after one year decided i was going to be the next big thing
i was meant to shine as a dancer
watch out boys II men
i knew the motownphilly dance
and once they would see me dance
they'd ask me to go on tour with them.

and i read all the "Boxcar Children" books
over and over again
I wanted to be homeless
no joke
and live in an old boxcar in the woods
and make my own silverware

haha my point is.
a lot of people
stop thinking
that can happen
they stop dreaming
we stop seeing
the world like a child
we stop believing any of that can ever be true

and i know that i'm still a dreamer
because God never let that part of me die
so thankful for that
He never wants us to stop believing
to stop believing that yes we have work to do
but believe that life can be full of adventure as well.
He wants us all to dream
have Hope

i think that's why so many of us get grumpy
old
some of ya'all are OLD
haha you are.
hey age is just a number. promise.
some of you just got old way too fast.
because you do what you think you're supposed to do
go to work. go home. eat. sleep. repeat.
yes we need to work.
but who decided we had to do the same thing
i know the world tells us after college we need to grow up
maybe
we do need to pay bills
but growing up is something i never intend to do

the world needs dreams
it needs you to stop doing what you've be taught to do
be spontaneous
do something that makes you scared
do something that someone will think is nuts
and thank GOD my parents never said
"our daughter is insane, we should take her to the doctor!"
well they probably did but they never let me hear them say it.
haha

we all have that kid in us.
dream
never get old.
remember what it was to be 4 and believe
there is a reason people always talk
about the "good old days!"
those aren't gone
we just forgot what it was like to dream
to keep a young hopeful loving heart
peter pan style

since i went back to my childhood
here it is
my first song
my first slow dance
ahhhh the first slow dance
where i dreamed of being swept off my feet
and my heart never went back

and just so you can have a picture
of how i was "attempting" to dance

ok i'm going to go put on my boyz II men pandora
dance around my house
and get ready to go see my friends
love you like i love roller hockey

life is a pinterest board

2012-01-17T20:24:00.000-08:00

pinterest.
amazing.
i seriously love it.
love getting new ideas
love seeing what my friends love
sharing the same ideas with friends.
it's just so much fun.

for those of you who don't pinterest
and it should ONLY be guys
every female should have it
but for those of you who don't know
i'll explain

there are millions of things on pinterest
DIY ideas
recipes
home decor
fashion ideas
quotes
pictures
etc etc etc

so you find the pictures you like
and "pin" them
and make what they call boards
so i have a "baking like a bodell"board
so i'll "pin" recipes that i like
and put them on my "baking like a bodell" board
so I can go back later and make those yummy brownies or cookies
or i can burn them and undercook them all at the same time
haha truly it happened and i couldn't help but laugh

anywho
your friends on pinterest can see the things you "pin" and "repin" it to their boards
so it's really a way of sharing
i get all of my "pins" from a friend that has already pinned it.
i see a friend from work has pinned a shirt she likes
i pin it
then a friend from college can pin it
just like that...a friend of a friend of a friend all have "pinned" the same shirt

as i'm looking at my friends boards
i start thinking of how it really is just like life

most of the things in our lives
come from someone else
you laughed today because someone made you laugh
you saw someone wear a huge scarf so you decided to do it too
you smiled because someone smiled at you

but on the flip side remember
you are that someone that "pins" it first
you could be the one that didn't brush their hair
put it in a messy bun
someone saw it and....
wala...you started the messy bun
haha

you could be uber grumpy at the coffee shop
but decide to smile at the cashier anyways
and ask her how she is
and she smiles back
and that brighters her day
so she then she goes and smiles to her coworker
and then he goes home and smiles at his wife instead
of picking a fight with her bc he had a bad day
etc. etc.

i know it's a generic concept
but that's because it doesn't need to be complicated
it's simple

"who i am is not just me"

we are all sooooo intertwined
we have to take remember that
we all share this life
together
we're all one big pinterest board
we have to stop living this life like we're the only ones
living
like no one else can see
like no one else is effected
like no one else NEEDS to see someone do something good first
some people CAN'T pin first
they CAN'T show love when they hate someone
so you can go
you can go be used first
you can show love when you're mad
show kindness to someone you barely know
and somehow
someone
will see
and they will "repin" it
they will find enough courage
to do what you did

decide everyday
how you want to be seen
what you want to pass on
what you want to "pin" on your board
do you want to be just another grump
or do you want to show people love

it's really that simple
we all influence each other
choose to shine love

ok so these are some of my favorite things on pinterest
i tend to love quotes
shocker words of affirmation here
and pictures
love pictures

hahaha this is EXACTLY what I look like when i run!!

i truly believe one of God's greatest gift is laughter in the toughest times.

the water, the moutains, a cute guy to row while i'll nap= perfection.

dancing in the kitchen. dancing anywhere.

life motto. every decision you get to choose. faith or fear.

this is where you will find mine.

my friends rock

2012-01-05T08:24:00.000-08:00

you know what they say
when you know you just know?
it's easy?
it falls into place?
well i just knew
i just know.

no matter what
these friends
our paths
were meant to be
nothing any of us earned
just Grace shown by God
He knew we would need each other
to laugh with
to cry with
to burn pasta with
to tell us when we're being grump humps
to help hang things on our walls ;)
haha

God knew.
when i moved to nashville
i needed them
before i did

they're beautiful
inside and out
they're refreshing
and calm
they're a light when it's dark

and even when im a bad friend
when i'm too tired
when i'm too hyper
whatever it is
i can't lose them
they are a gift from God.
just thankful.

Ecc 4:9-11 " Two are better than one, because they have a good return for their work: If one falls down, his friend can help him up. But pity the man who falls and has no one to help him up. Also, if two lie down together, they will keep warm. But how can one keep warm alone?"

The sound of God's voice

2011-12-16T00:51:00.000-08:00

you know when people say
"I heard God tell me to tell you this?"
or
"I feel God is calling me to this.."

There are plenty of people that have never said that
they probably think I'm crazy or that God only speaks to me
or a few people

nope
not the case at all
He speaks to all of us

To me He's not a loud Morgan Freeman
He doesn't leave me obvious voicemails
"Hey Linds, It's God, need to talk call me back it's urgent!"
no no it's not like that
it takes effort sometimes to hear him
most of the time
i have to turn off music
work friends
turn it all off to hear

when I'm at home praying
or just sititng in silence
He comes in the form of a new idea
usually a crazy idea
or he'll come in the form of lyrics
i just have to write down
and then somehow he'll give me a tune
to sing those new words too

God sounds like the most ridiculous idea i've ever had
the idea of moving away from my family and friends
because He said go to Nashville
or the idea of going into a "random" high school
nervous
to find those "random"students
and making their life a part of yours
showing them who Jesus is
while you're still learning too

He sounds like a love story too good to be true
He sounds like my biggest fear made small
He sounds perfect
He sounds far more gracious than we can ever understand

then I let the world in
i let doubt creep in
and make me second guess if I ever heard Him at all
but He speaks
and when I get confused
I can ask again and He'll speak again

All the YL leaders are reading a book for Advent season
and I'm in the chapter of "yes"
it talks about Hearing God and saying "yes" to Him
and there is one part I starred 3 times
i'm one of those.
i circle.
hightlight star my books up

ha anywho.
it was this

"Knowing the will of God is not enough; doing it is what matters. Here our desire to avenge ourselves, to explain ourselves, to be understood, to maintain personal comfort and security, to have our lives make sense to others or be validated by them is subordinated to the deeper desire to say yes to God and joining God in what He is doing. This kind of obedience might mean that, for a time at least, we are willing to look like a fool to everyone else because God's wisdom is the foolishness of this world."

He sounds foolish to the world
But He sounds clear to those that listen

He might be a peaceful whisper sometimes
or a loud loud noise
but He's talking
And He speaks to all of us

Even you
Especially you

He's speaking right now
so open your ears
it may not sound like what you think it would sound like
but He wants you to hear

squirt. the happy little Christmas tree.

2011-12-08T08:06:00.001-08:00

i know i've lived out of home for awhile. but i've never bought a Christmas tree.
i dont know why
i guess in college you don't buy them because you go home
and i've always lived in a house with a roommate
who had a fake one
well this year
no fake
and i debated and debated
thinking "i'm going home in a week, is it worth it?"
insert my roommate amanda
"ummm you're miss Christmas, you'll regret it and bug me about it forever if you don't!"
haha soooo
we go to kroger
that's right kroger
they had big trees
beautiful trees
and then this one

it's about 2 ft tall
and lopsided
and i fell in love instantly
it just needs a home
so we adopted it
and named it squirt

we get him home.
and he just wants to sleep.
haha did i mention he's lopsided
we've got a stage 4 leaner on our hands
"come on squirt, you can do it, stand up!"

finally get him to balance
by putting on about 4 ornaments because that's all he'll hold
and prop him up on a wooden box
to make him appear a bit taller ;)
amanda tapes on the star
i don't have a star
so we improvised

and here he is
in all his glory
he has a tutu around his base as a skirt
ha a gift one of my coworkers made me
i LITERALLY jumped up and down after we finished.
squirt is quite the handsome tree i must say
all the neighbors will be jealous

and to go with my Christmas decorations.
one of the cutest little Christmas song and video i've seen in awhile.
enjoy.

what i've learned from zach frail

2011-11-30T06:23:00.001-08:00

18 years
i don't really know what to say
time really does fly

18 years
who would have thought you would have made it this long
in our family
with hil and i as your sisters
i'm surprised you haven't disowned us
one of us probably should have punched the other by now
haha seriously
congratulations
you've made it 18 years

haha all jokes aside

i've learned so much from you

I've learned how to laugh
you're constantly showing me that life isn't that serious
you're always showing me how to laugh loud
when life is really funny
and to laugh even louder when life hands you hard times

i've learned how to be immature
when you wore your cowboy boots and pjs outside
or everytime when you get your hands wet, touch my face and say
"oh i just went the bathroom!"
haha I ALWAYS get mad at that
then just laugh
or the "donnn'ttttt smile game"
ha you can never stay mad at me if I play that game
i've learned that life is just too short
to ever be a grown up

i've learned what it is to be selfless
when you go to pats donuts and cream to get us donuts
even though you're NOT a morning person
you like to do it because it makes us all smile
or how you watch one of the Potter movies with me
EVERY time I'm home
because i love them

you've shown me that it's better to give then receive
every Christmas every holiday
I watch you have pure joy
pure. joy.
over giving someone a gift
like the time you gave me Cinderella III for my birthday
you knew I had never seen it
who even knew there was a Cinderella III
haha
but you knew i loved disney movies and singing the songs
so you thought it was the perfect gift.
i loved that gift
so thoughtful

I've learned that I am not perfect
you told me no one expects me to be perfect
you've taught me to let myself off the hook every once and awhile
and to learn from my imperfections
learn to keep growing in all the imperfections
and to love myself how i am

i've learned what real love is
the way you are with dylan and gabe
the way you had to have them in your senior pictures
the way you give up your weekends to hang out with me when im home
and even though
you've gotten your "mouth"
from me
i see it with the way you are with mom and dad too

i've learned that you have your own conversations with God
and just like God talks to me
He talks to you too
and that I don't need to worry or plan your life
what i think is best
is not actually always best

haha that was hard for me to type

you will always be my little brother
always Zachius to me
even as you grow up
make your own decisions
huge life decisions
you will be little to me
all 6'2" of you
will be little

but you are wise.
wiser than you know
i feel blessed to get to grow up with you
i'm excited to see you continue to grow
just promise me
you'll never become an adult
always keep that kid in you alive.
promise.

happy 18th birthday
love you
your 2nd favorite sister
linds

Long distance is hard

2011-11-17T06:55:00.001-08:00

long distance relationships are hard
very hard
they take a lot of work
it takes a humble soul
someone that says "i know i called you first last time, i'll call you again this time!"
someone that isn't afraid they're interrupting your life
but someone that wants you to know you're on their mind
and isn't afraid to show it

it's not someone that says "eh I'll talk to you when you're back in three weeks"
it's that person that can be happy that you're having fun away from home
but wants you to know they're thinking of you
missing you
keep the relationship going
instead of letting silence win.

wanna know why my best friends are my best friends?
because they don't make me feel guilty for being gone
they don't say "you're always busy"
they just say "we miss you and can't wait to see you soon"
they aren't mad that i have inside jokes
with people they might never meet
people i love
they are confident in my love for them
in our friendship
relationship

they send me videos to make me laugh
http://vimeo.com/24204070

or
http://vimeo.com/24229797

or they send emails at 4am saying:

"Hi buddy! I miss you lots and lots too<3 I am about to run out for work but I didn't want to miss the opportunity to tell you that you are loved! Smile:]"

so whether it's a friend
or it's a boyfriend
or a family member

long distance relationships are tough
really tough
and sometimes it's just a text saying
"i thought of you today"
it's the effort
the pride put aside
just to let someone know they're missed
and even if it's just a tweet saying

"GUM" time freeze

they know
i know
distance has nothing
on our love
and bond.

that's all
i just feel very loved.
and blessed.

side note
i went for a jog this morning
hahaha everytime
still
when i run by the white house
i get nervous that the government
is watching me
haha
the jig is up

back to my Christmas music
today is a fun day at work.

it's not supposed to make sense.

2011-11-08T22:04:00.000-08:00

it's the night before the awards.
i can't sleep
so many things
running through my head
so many things
just running through every. single. detail.

i'm just excited
nervous

i stood at rehearsals today
almost in tears
just thinking
how much i love music
how much i love these people
i'm exhausted
and just can't stop thinking
and laughing

that God knew i would be here
with these people
no way i would have ever picked them
no way i ever COULD have picked them
friends twice my age
1/2 my age
different cultures
from all over the country
all over the world
best friends
akron. murray state. vanderbilt
people i love
people i cry with.
family that i wasn't born into
but family none the less.

a friend sent this to me tonight
she believes in love
even if he lives in another country
even if it looks ridiculous from the outside looking in
even though it looks like a "yeah right that's insane"
she believes
and i love to see her faith
when the world says "uh no"

where would we all be if we all just let go of "what makes sense"
and just loved?
maybe we would be able to see God.

im so thankful i just let go
and fell in love with these people
so glad i didn't turn away because they didn't make sense
haha they DON'T make sense
so glad that
even though i was thinking "no way...."
even though the world was saying "that's not realistic"
God just held on to my heart
and said "watch what I can do"

night.

mice are for men

2011-10-25T19:57:00.000-07:00

i think most of the time
i would consider myself
strong
sometimes. ha
a tomboy at times for sure

but there are times.
a lot of times
were i am just
A GIRL
i am not wanting to do things
certain things are just
"man things"
this weekend i found myself yelling
"i need a man to come over and handle this!!"
then laughing...
then crying..
no joke.

this story is real
this is my life.
this really happened.

it all started when my dear friend amanda came into town to visit
lovely weekend
we we're relaxing on her last night
after a busy busy weekend
and we're watching scary movies on the couch
and we see him

a mouse
gus gus

in my house.
i convince myself no way
he must have just been passing through
but we better get a trap to catch him the next day
just in case he didn't leave
a trap..that should be easy
it was a two pack
but i CERTAINLY won't need the second one

haha right.

trap set.
within 10 min
we hear him.
caught.
gus gus in safe trap

after a little screaming and
me basically making my dear friend
and HOUSE GUEST
take care of him
he's caught
in the cookie tub.
safe ready to be set outside.

We felt very confident
WE DID IT!!!
we didn't even have to call our dads!!
VICTORY
(insert rocky theme song and victory lap here)

we sit back down on the couch
ready to continue watching our scary movie
then we hear it
1 min after sitting down
what sounds like a DOG in my closet
something got caught in the second trap
and this one...
sounded like it weighed more than me
knocking over everything in my storage closet
i am screaming
almost hyperventilating
"what in the WORLD did we just catch"
i'm ok with just leaving it in there forever
"no need to really see what's in there, let's just keep it there"

haha amanda is WAY more brave than me
she opens the door.
another one.
gus gus's friend
ewwwwwww
this is the point i start screaming
"i can't do this..i'm only a girl.."
i'm half kidding and half DEAD SERIOUS
there it is.
only his tail is the trap
so he's just running around with a trap
on it's tail.
knocking over everything in my closet.
i start crying
i feel horrible
crying.
praying
then laughing at how stupid we're acting.
haha i didn't know what to do

so we did this.
we line the doorway with paint cans
this way we could protect ourselves
by standing on them
and try and get him into another tupperwear container

yeah
let's just say
lots of screaming
lots of crying
(on my end)
lots of "Lord why am i single i can't catch a mouse!!"
hahah truly comical
one point i couldn't breath from laughing and screaming so much.

the ways we tried to catch this thing
lots of jiffy reduce fat peanut butter was used
tupperware taped to the end of a paintbrush roller
tape
haha lots of failed attempts
1 hr of our lives gone forever
but we got him.
still alive
set free outside
and only a few things in my house broken.
haha

this shelf fell off the wall
i need a new broom
and some new tupperware
oh and a new remote control

i'm very big on being strong
and trying your hardest to figure things out
but
spiders
mice
snakes

those are for the boys
and i get to be the damsel in distress

Roy

2011-10-15T19:39:00.000-07:00

so it's been a crazy football season
and no i'm not talking NFL
and i'm definitely not talking about OSU's season
we're not talking about their "rebuilding" year
haha

i'm talking about my brothers senior high school season.
senior
so i've driven home 3 times in the past 6 weeks
that's 6 hrs each way
for a total of 36 hrs in the car
alone.
so even though i love all 3500 of my songs on my ipod
sometimes
i need something more

i was given something more
a few months back.
a farewell talk
from a YL leader
named Bill Goans

i love listening to it
it's a great way to fill 45 min of this very long drive
i laugh during his talk
i always cry when he talks about his wife
always
sap i know.
and always get motivated when he talks about faith
being an action
a PERSISTENT action
not just something you read
something you do.
anyways i'm like YEAH GOD I HEAR YA
i'm moving
i'm doing it

sooo after bill is done talking
i wipe up my mascara
get out of my car
and start pumping my gas
thinking
Yes I love YL I love that it challanges me..
love it.

my thought is quickly interrupted
interrupted by a man

man: "excuse me miss....."
me:"uh huh?"
man:" my car broke down....i need to get to ohio to see my dad....lima ohio"
me: "you're from ohio, I'm from lima? what part?"
man:"uh he's there for work...but i need to get there to see him uh..."
me: zoning out... thinking to myself "you have GOT to be kidding this story isn't even consistent!!
man:"so anyways do you have any money to help me?"
me: at this point I don't know if he needs money to fix his car or if he needs money to help his father, but i look down and i am playing with my cross.

around my neck.

as i'm judging this man.

i'm playing with my cross necklace
and thinking of the bill goans speech.

i . just. heard.

no irony what so ever.

i just freeze.
get those goosebumps that i like to call
the holy spirit
and just freeze.

me:"sure. let me get my wallet."
now I KNOW this story is fake.
i know this.
i'm a college graduate.
but as i'm walking to my purse im thinking...this man
needs an action.

i give him some money

me: "what is your name?"
man: "roy ma'am, what is your name?" he grabs my hand to shake it
me: stunned that he asked my name. i don't know why "I'm lindsay roy, i hope you find your way to lima"
man "thank you so much"

i go into the gas station to get some subway
(my favorite road food)
and just think.

why did that action take so much work?
why was i judging him?
why was i doubting him?
why was it sooo hard to just love him and say "ok"

i am roy everyday.
everyday i make up a story
and maybe when i make up the story "yes God I will not do that again..."
maybe everytime i INTEND on doing the right thing
but i mess up
and yet everytime
EVERYTIME
God gives me another chance
gives me that $5
but his $5 is soo much more

what if all roy needed is someone to look him in the eye
shake his hand
believe that this time
he's going to take that money
take that "chance"
that forgiveness
and do something with it
and maybe he didn't that time
maybe when i left the gas station he went and bought drugs
i don't know.
but maybe
he decided to believe in God
because he saw an action

i'm not saying i'm jesus
at all.
but i'm saying ...we all are roy
we all need chance after chance to change
forgiveness
a chance
to not be judged
someone to smile at us and say
this is the time..the time to change it up roy
we all are shown grace daily
we all take that grace
but how many times do we actually show it
we need to do action more
i need to do action more.

as i get back in my car
with my flat bread sub
i drive away
and wave to roy
just sitting in his truck
and he just waves and smiles

maybe that was the day.
it all changed for roy
maybe it wasn't
but i know it was a great reminder
that faith means moving
and not just a spoken word
an action.

smiling a lot lately

2011-10-11T13:24:00.000-07:00

i don't know where to start
my heart is so happy
i've just laughed so hard
this past month
just laughed
a lot.

and if you really are having a good time.
i think it's important to just say
life is going well right at this moment.

so here is a list
of some things
that really have been making me smile
making my heart happy.

first off.
my brother.
let's start with him.
he's growing up into this amazing young lad.
i can't explain how proud i am of him.
truly.
he's a senior at Shawnee
everytime I go home to see him play football
and i know it embarrasses him
but i cry.
he's just
growing up to be a good man
and i'm proud.

then there are the BA friends.
seriously they made me laugh SO much this weekend at Sharptop.
they teach me how to not stress
how to laugh through life
that being honest is important
they show me to love big and
they're just pretty awesome
except when they FORCE me to eat too many cookies
and i feel sick :)

always my family.
no matter what
they just always seem to be there
dylan and gabe
seriously everytime i hold them
i think "there is no way i could love them any more than this moment"
then somehow
as they get older
i fall in love more.
and my parents and hil and stu
who would i be with out them?

and then this group
this group right here
no matter how long we go
between girls night
because life is kicking all of our butts
this group
truly a gift from God
a true smile on my face
love them

that's it
i just don't know what else to say
except that i'm happy
and sometimes
we don't need to find anything to be worried or
overthink
sometimes we just need to say
Thank You Lord
I had a great day

excellent

2011-09-20T20:55:00.001-07:00

i guess sometimes
when you think of someone that is
"excellent"
you think of...

the best musician.
best doctor.
that amazing friend who never lets anyone down
the worlds most famous public speaker.

michael jordan

whomever.

whatever they have.
it's a gift
something you don't have
or they are lucky.
yeah that's a better way to say it
they're just lucky

but i can tell you
not just from working closely with
some that people would call
"excellent" or "lucky"

i will tell you....

the only thing that separates

you and garth brooks..

is that he never stopped.

is not that he was given something excellent
i mean yes he was
but so were you.
the only thing that separates you and him
or whomever you look at as excellent

is the fact they don't let anything stop them
they keep singing when they miss that note
they keep playing when they miss the final shot
they keep teaching students even if 3 students failed last year.

see....
excellent isn't something only a few of us get to be

its. in. all. of. us.

it's just a matter if you're going to dig deep enough to find it.
or quit after you get to "mediocre"

so you failed.
once.
failed twice.
failed 100 times.

so what.

so people called you ridiculous.
so someone called you foolish
sooooo.

what is it that makes you tick?
what is it YOU FEEL SOOO CALLED TO YOU CAN'T STOP THINKING OF IT?

go towards that.
because if we all have excellence in us.
than whatever you are most passionate about
is going to be what brings it out in you.

it's not in some of us.
it's in all of us.

it's just a matter of

do we stand in our own way.
or do we keep going?
do we find excellence or do we quit?

what would the world be like if we all found our excellence we were given.
instead of thinking only a few people get to be excellent?

how much better would the world be if we all found that gift?
that discipleship we were all called to?

my new song

it's not perfect
it has a lot of flaws.
but it is my passion
so i will choose to keep going.
and bring you with me :)

somethings will never change

2011-08-26T09:47:00.001-07:00

so i was making myself a salad
and i love putting almonds on it.
yummm.
so i grab my bag of almonds off my shelf.
and "plrrb"
(haha im sitting here trying to spell out the sound of the almonds falling)
but yes.
spill
alllll over the floor.
seriously?
I'm 28 years old.
how do i do this everytime?
how do i not know how to close a bag of almonds?

or last night.
i was dumping out the coffee grounds in the trash
preparing my coffee for the morning.
dork.
i know.
and "plop"
pile of coffee on my floor.
haha SERIOUSLY
the best is 1/2 goes in the trash
1/2 hits the rim so it flies
pretty far away
making a bigger mess for myself.

at least once a week i miss the trash can.
what is wrong with me?

then i think back.
i blame my parents really.
haha im kidding
it seems like the likely thing to do.
something wrong with the kid?
blame the rents.
but no. it's all my fault.
i'm just. well
just clumsy

and i've learned.
as i try to add good to the world
try to constantly grow and learn.
somethings.

somethings will never change.
haha ever.

i will always be the girl with
a little drop of toothpaste on her shirt

the girl that spills hot coffee
on herself and in her car

ALWAYS.

the one that trips over chords
well trips over anything really

the girl that runs into a chair
then apologizes to the chair
ha yeah not sure when that habit started.
my mom did teach me to be polite.
ha bet she never figured i would be polite to chairs

i will always be the car that isn't really
parked straight in the parking lot.
i'm more of a slanted parker.
haha

and as my mom will tell you
anything glass and me
well you know what happens there...

to throw away broken glass
you must put it in a box or a paper bag
tape it up
and the polite thing to do would be to write
"broken glass"
several times on the package so the trash man
doesn't cut himself

enough said?

haha point is.
you can constantly grow
and we should try to keep growing.
but i think it's funny to embrace
the little things that
most likely
won't change
the little "mishaps"
that make us who we are.

have a fun day
now i'm going to go iron my shirt
but by the time i leave my house
it'll be wrinkled :)

love you all
well most of you.
ha i kid
all of you.

demand more.

2011-08-24T18:37:00.000-07:00

you deserve more.
i deserve more.

let's be honest.
we all have had toxic relationships
friendships
boyfriends.
girlfriends.

and sometimes.
those don't come as obvious as :

CAUTION
HE WILL BREAK YOUR HEART
THIS WILL BE THE WORST FRIEND EVER
SHE WILL STAB YOU IN THE BACK..

RUN AWAY.

sometimes it's just not that black and white.
sometimes it's just as subtle as
it's a friend
that is scared to live
and scared to let you live
to dream
so you both stay back

sometimes it's as subtle
as someone that won't even hold your hand
so you just forget what it is like to have someone
intertwine their fingers in yours.

if you think about it.
the people you love the most
are the people that annoy you the most.
the people that you love more than yourself
are the ones that get mad at you for being late to a girls dinner.
again
haha love you.

those are true friendships
true relationships
the ones that demand the best of you
that you can get mad about it.
because you care TOO much.

but don't settle
for the ones that
are OK
the ones that let you be just ok.
that make you just OK.

the ones that let you only want to be around them
because they're lonely

be with the ones that
are at the top of their life
having the time of their life
and get a ping in the side of their heart
because they wish you were there
or the ones at the worst part in their life.
that need you there.

those.
are the relationships
you deserve.
and if you love someone.
and they're just being OK
stand up.
make them shine
wake them up.
remind them
they're meant to be more.
than OK
if you settle.
you're allowing them to settle.
stand up for more.

lara told me last weekend.
out of the blue.
"there is a billboard downtown that reminds me of you.
every time i drive by it i think of you"
and immediately i'm curious
she tells it's a smart water billboard
and it says

'be the girl they sing about'

huh.
huh.
wow.
i don't know what that means.
i just needed to hear that.
hear that compliment
whatever it meant
and smile in it all.
be more.

chili powder

2011-08-03T11:49:00.000-07:00

two blogs
in two days.
lucky you right?
haha
i'm literally sitting
in my hotel room.
watching the clock
just ready to go to the airport
get back to nashville.

and im just sitting here thinking.
of going home and baking.
turning up the music
putting on one of the cute aprons hil made me
and just jamming out and baking.

anywho.

i've been baking since i was a kid.
with my mom and grandma.
just learning for years and years.
and i just remembered this one time.
i wanted to bake a cherry pie for my dad
it's his favorite.

and because it's his favorite.
it's now my favorite.

so i have no idea how old i was.
but i was sooooo excited
i loved baking with my mom.
loved my dad.
so perfect i was going to show him how much
i loved him with the perfect cherry pie.

so it calls for cinnamon.

yeah see where this is going.

and i LOVE cinnamon.
still to this day i put it on everything.
toast.
apples.
lasagna.
haha ok not lasagna
but almost everything

so i thought i'd put extra cinnamon in the pie
since i loved it so much
he would love it too.

my mom..well i don't know what she was doing.
not paying attention to me.
haha
soo i just put a few extra tablespoons in.

pie comes out.
looks pretty

dad gets the first piece.
eats the whole thing.
tells me how excellent it is.
hugs me.
thanks me.
smiles
i'm SOOO PROUD.

then my sister takes a bite.
spits it out.
and im SURE hil said something like
"dork what did you do to this pie?"
haha

turns out i put chili powder
in the pie
instead of cinnamon
A LOT of chili powder.

i cried and cried and cried.
failed.
epic fail.
one we still talk about
and laugh about
to this day.

but years later.
probably in college.
i remembered it.
and remembered my dad.
never once did he let me know
by his face
by his words
that it was bad.
in fact he patted my head and gave me a hug.

he didn't see the need to tell me that i used chili powder
he felt it was more important to support
and encourage me to keep going
instead of pointing out my error

i think sometimes
we're so quick
to point out the wrongs
to be honestly blunt about things
to "help" people grow
that sometimes.
we don't see the importance
in just saying "you did awesome! Thank you!"
and let that person just grow.

he knew i knew the difference in chili powder and cinnamon
he knew that i was young
and still learning
and it was more important to still be supportive
instead of pointing out the mistake
the big mistake

and now i love to bake
i don't think i'm half bad.
and it's because of moments like that
that someone supported
when i needed supported
he was more than supportive

he didn't just stop at a bite.
he ate the whole piece.

i dont' know what made me think of it.
but i wonder if i would still love baking
if my dad would have spit out that piece?

i think sometimes we underestimate how
vulnerable we all are
especially when we're passionate about something
and how important it is
to have people pushing you
while you're growing through it
while you're still not that good at it
having someone there saying "yum best ever!"

i'm just thankful for that moment
i have no idea how big or small that was in my life.
but im thankful for it

and the moments after that
the moments where loved ones constantly support my passions
"yeah linds that song is awesome..love how your rhymed bird house with microwave, sounds good!"
hahah

and i'm thankful for the support
for the many times to come
where i will use "chili powder" in my life
instead of cinnamon

you get the love you give.

2011-08-02T17:23:00.000-07:00

you get what you give.

that saying applies to everything in life
work
family.
everything
but today...
shocker.
i'm going to relate it to love.

whatever i am a lover not a fighter.
i have a romantic heart.
deal with it.

i remember my junior year of college.
i picked the room on the second floor facing sumner street.
wanna know why?
because it had the perfect window to throw rocks at.

yeah.
i wanted that room so a guy could throw rocks at it
just to get my attention.

i also secretly wish
for a crush
to be sitting on my doorstep
in nashville
waiting for me to get home
just waiting
to see me.

and for some reason
i always have a little hope
that when i get my mail
there will be a random piece of mail
from a boy telling me

he's thinking of me.

yeah.

my point is....
i've never thrown rocks at a window.
i've never showed up at someones house
just to sit there and wait for them....

and yes i want all of those
from a guy.
but i've got to remember
i have to be that for a guy too.

so if i never act fearless in love
than i guess i'm not giving what i want in return?
and doesn't a guy deserve that?
to see bold love too?

sometimes when it comes to guys
sometimes i get this "if he likes me he'll go first" attitude.
but really that's just fear.
i love scared
which is an oxymoron
which means that's not love at all

my point is.
love has no fear
if you want love
if you want bold love.
you have to show it.

do you want someone to hold your hand?
then sometimes you have to reach for their hand first.

do you want someone to remind you you're missed and thought of?
then you have to tell someone you're thinking of them too.

do you want someone to show up at the airport
holding a sign saying "you're my favorite"
after you've been gone for three weeks?

ha then that means you better be there the next time they land.
with a hand made sign.
not caring who sees it.

my point is..

love is bold
love expects no results back
it just is
love is going first sometimes
to show someone
your heart is open
you're there
even if you're scared.

give what you want.
and see what you get in return.

me.

2011-07-13T11:28:00.000-07:00

i am not a game player.
i'm a game changer.

i don't want to fit into the box.
i will make my own box.

i don't want to be apart of music.
i want to create something new.
and then share.

you sit and critique
i go and make
you judge
i'm doing.

i don't want to spend time looking back.
worrying.
i will just keep going forward.

i am not like the rest.
i will find my own
and then conquer it

i will do this not for myself
but so that the world is constantly growing
that we are constantly learning

we have to be the best version of ourselves
not someone else

you think i'm crazy.
naive.
reckless.
i see it as the only way to be.

i am scared all the time.
i am the best version of myself when i move in the fear
instead of staring at it.

i am tragic when i think too much
but i am brilliant when i just jump

two whole days.

2011-07-12T10:25:00.001-07:00

flying with my guitar gets expensive
until someone is paying for it
to fly :) it gets expensive
so for this show.
i put it on the truck going ahead of me.

which meant i had to send it today.

TWO WHOLE DAYS
without it.
what am I going to do?

i almost teared up a bit.
as i loaded it in.
haha
along with my galashes.
hey.
never know when i'll need those green boots.

anywho someone at work asked
"you can't go two whole days without it? wow you must be good"

good.
would we say good?

dedicated yes.

i think i have a lot of talents.
but i work HARD at the guitar
to be ...OK.
it's what i am. ha
i think singing is my strength of the two :)

anyways i said
"well i LOVE to play so I guess that means more than good?"
and she agreed

then i thought of that statement
i love that statement
i love it

i'm not the best player
not a perfect player by any means
my guitar makes a lot of plunking noises.
but i never let it stop me
because i love it so much.

but i love it.
love it more than i would say most people
yeah i said it
bring it
i need it.

but i do think how strong is love?
loving to do something?
having a passion for something?
it outweighs being talented.

truly.

i think sometimes i hide behind what i'm talented at
because i know i'll succeed

i was talking to mandy yesterday
and she was saying how she just really really wants to work with animals.
and that passion for it.
gives me NO DOUBT she will.
maybe it'll be her career
maybe it'll be her hobby
but i know 100%
that that passion is a gift.

i don't have that passion for animals.
she does.

i don't have the passion for gardening.
janel does.

my passion for music.
makes me sick.

so what are you going to do with it?

so what you are better at something else?
what are you going to do with what you're passionate over.

watch this.

http://donmilleris.com/2011/07/11/facing-your-fears/

i miss you little guitar.
i'll see you in two days

a love note

2011-07-06T08:08:00.000-07:00

So I've always loved notes.
I used to wake up as a kid
and my mom or dad
would leave me a note on the stove
usually chores
or a reminder
but there was always a sweet
" i love you"
at the end

unless it was from my sister.
then it usually had a four letter word or
"i hope you die"
from her.hahha
hey.
we're now best friends.
so it worked out well.

and sometimes when working at the mall
haha sports sensation.
my friends would put notes on my car
i loved it.
still do

but i love notes

so i wake up this morning
it's 5:45a i'm struggling to walk to my car
and i see
a note.
a note a note a note!!!
a boy wanting to tell me he loves me????

but he's too nervous to do it in person?
ohhhh
exciting

wait for it.
not a love note.

BAHAHAH WHAT?!!!

hahahaha i'm still laughing
how funny.

yesterday we had to get new parking passes.
new HOA company.
I was excited I ACTUALLY did this on time.
usually they stalk me to do anything.
someday I will actuaally go to an HOA meeting.

maybe.

haha but OBVIOUSLY this person
doesn't know that they have to get a new pass.

haha and what are they thinking?
leaving me a note?
really?

like someone.
went out of their way
saw there were no spots.
at midnight.
found the ONE CAR

in the dark

that didn't have the old sticker
parked.
found paper
found a pen.
wrote the note.
walked to my car.
left it.
then found a parking spot wayyyy on the other side.

that's effort.
(insert slow clap for this person)

then i started thinking...

imagine if we all went to that effort
to leave a note.
but what if it was a nice note?
leave a kind word on someones car
random "have a blessed day"
note on someones car?
random person
that you would never have to talk to?
i think i'm going to start doing that.
leaving notes.

a note of a kind word.

a "smile someone thinks you're awesome"

or "hey i know it's monday but it could be worse, at least a bird didn't poop on your head today!"

something. anything.

i'm going to start doing it.
it can't harm anything..only make someone random smile.

and even though this wasn't a love note.
it made me smile
and i might not ever throw it away.

honest

2011-06-29T12:42:00.000-07:00

sometimes
i feel like i'm running
in the wrong direction

like everyone else is going the correct way.
go right for 10 years
then make a left for 30 years
then make another right turn in 10 years

and then there is me
i'm going to go zig zag for 1.5 years
then spin around in circles on my head for 2.3 years
then maybe take the fork in the road
oh crap...
i went the wrong way down the fork in the road for 2.6 years
now back to the other side of the fork in the road for 5 years
then drive for 3 years going the wrong way on a one way road

laughing the whole way.

but sometimes
it just hits me
where am i?
who am i?
and am i the absolute only person on this road.

today was one of those days.
i'm being honest.
it's my blog
i can do what i want.

i just hit a wall
like crap.
i love my friends.
love my family.

but dog gone it.
where am i?
and sometimes i stop and i feel alone.
rarely do i feel alone.
haha you're laughing because I always have 1000349039 people around

i'm blessed you're all blessings.

but sometimes if i stop.
i'm alone.
and i will cry.
today was that day.

i just kept having to run to the bathroom.
to cry.
haha i'm sure my boss thought
"this girl is a mental."

and the thing is
there is nothing
anyone say that will make it ok
sorry friends i know you try
but there is nothing.

it has to be me and God.
He made me this way.
so I need Him to answer.

why am i running down a one way road
the wrong way.
then i remember
as a christian
sometimes
or most of the time
i'm going up stream

constantly
UPSTREAM
fighting the whole way
fighting what i know
what i hear God telling me
and what the world says
and sometimes it hurts
sometimes it just plain pisses me off.

i feel that in my car
i'm the closest with God.
me and Him.
singing
talking.
the 6 hr drive from Ohio to Nashville.
everytime we talk.
i hear him show me
in clarity i feel no where else.
then i get out of that car sometimes
and forget the feeling
the assurance
i ask the world for advice
and it tells me what it thinks

then i get confused
i go against my gut
i get lost
i look around
instead of staying focused
i let the world influence me

i feel wrong
when i ask God to show me the way
then i forget to stay strong
and i just get confused

but alas
God always finds me
picks me up
usually in music.
like this song
reminding me
he always comes to pick me up.
no matter how confused or lost i feel
today will not end on a sad note
i still may end up being confused
but i will not be lost

because He is always with us
and He is never lost.

so even though
sometimes i feel alone
riding a bike on a trail
with a sign saying "no bikes allowed"
i will keep going.
i will stay focused
and i will follow my gut
because my heart is my gut
and the world is just outside noise

noise that is louder sometimes
but wrong most of the time.

and then this dave barnes song came on my pandora
another small way God shows me Grace.

there's a mountain
here before me
i'm going to climb it
with strength not my own

the girl in the corner.

2011-06-20T05:58:00.000-07:00

ok so if you've talked to me at all
in the past year
you've heard me talk about kickboxing.
ha probably a lot.
sorry about that.
anyways.

i noticed the other day in class that i tend to go to the same bag everytime.
it's in the back of the class by the glass windows.
and i always turn my back to the class
face the windows.
and close my eyes.
always.

so as im kicking the crap out of this bag.
i start thinking

yeah i think too much even while working out.

i start thinking "why do i always choose this bag?"

i choose it because kickboxing is hard.
really hard
and if i stop
for even a second
to see what everyone else is doing.
if they're actually doing the planks
or if they've put their knees down ;)
if i stop to see
then i get unfocused.

if i close my eyes.
i know i will push myself as hard as i can
believing everyone else is pushing as hard as me.
and i know this is not the truth.

sometimes i open my eyes.
to see that some people have stopped.
quit.
their body gave out before mine.
and in my exhaustion.
i think "they've stopped so i can stop, i made it far enough!"

or sometimes i'll see someone pushing 10 times harder than me.
and at first i'll think "oh yeahhhhh i can do that..bring it.."
haha yeah i'm competitive.

but after a bit my body will give in..it can't handle that other girls pace
then i'll think "wow she's in really good shape. yikes i'll never catch up!"

so instead of slowing down
because someone else did and it's easier.
and instead of going too fast and trying
to do someone elses pace.

i close my eyes.
i breathe.
and i push myself.
hard.
as hard as lindsay can go.
and when i can't go anymore.
i push a bit more.

this is my life.
yes.
in that moment at kickboxing.
where i'm dripping.
i'm trying to figure out life.
haha

but the truth is.
i think this is how we should do it.
just go.
don't compare to what someone else is doing.
don't try to go their pace.
close your eyes.
hear your heart.
go to that beat.
your beat.

can you imagine
what the world would be like
if we stopped trying to do what everyone else was doing?
we didn't get discouraged because we didn't have what someone else had?
we didn't stop...because that is where someone else stopped?

so you go your pace.
you do what you're made to do.
push yourself
even if everyone else is burnt out.

and me.
i'm going to close my eyes.
and push myself to the pace
i'm meant to go.

Music time.
i lost all my music when my computer crashed last month.
thank goodness for youtube.
love this song.
seriously

daily blessing count

2011-05-30T17:36:00.000-07:00

sometimes i throw pity parties
I KNOW SHOCKING.
hahahaha
but no seriously
sometimes
i just think of what i don't have
and forget of what i have
and this is my list. a list i need to keep remembering until i get over myself
and keep on shining that light that is meant to shine.
and if you're reading this.
even if it's not listed
guaranteed you're a blessing i have counted :)

i love that AT LEAST once a day i'm brought to tears by music. i love that God gave this passion to me.

i love the fact that my mom taught me the art of dancing and singing while baking.
and now i can only bake with music blaring.

i love how random my friends are. no matter where they are. what path of life we're on. or how long it's been since we've talked. we're friends. we're family.

i love to laugh. i love that at least once a day i do a spit laugh. ya know, laugh while drinking something and spit it out? ahah what can i say, the people in my life are that funny!

i love seeing my brother grow up into a wonderful young man.

my sister and stu. i love learning from their love and life. i love how much their love means to me.

i love that seeing a picture of my niece get her hair cut
brings tears to my eyes because she's growing up too fast

i love when someone says " I thought of you today" it still makes me excited and nervous. to think someone thinks of me. humbling.

i love the fact that i went to a graduation ceremony
and the speech that was meant for 18 year about remembering that God can do anything. and to dream big.
to shine their light.
i love that it still applied to me. the world is meant for us to shine in.
that hope hasn't died.

i love that i am always meeting new people.
new friends. just think.
less than a year ago i didn't even know where BA was.

i love that when my car is having problems my dad WILL ALWAYS be the first person i call.

i love seeing gabe smile. that's all i need some days. a pic of my sweet nephews smile is enough to get me through anything.

i love God's grace. how i mess up time and time again and am soooo humbled by the fact he still gives me grace. shows me hope. keeps loving me. what an amazing thing.

my point is.
i have no idea what life holds.
no idea where i'm going or what is next
and it's scary and nerve wracking and sometimes
life is just not fair.
but we can't waste time worrying.
looking at others.
looking for what is next.
we need to love right now.
love what we have.
so love.
just find what you love.
write it down.
type it out.
read it over and over and over.
until you realize.
every moment
if you truly look
is filled with love.
is filled with blessings.

peace.

13 years..and they're back.

2011-05-27T08:12:00.001-07:00

cicadas
where do i begin
i was DREADING THEM.
dreading.
i even moved my birthday party
inside
in fear of them.
honestly.

and now.
i kind of .....

like them.

I KNOW I KNOW I KNOW ....
WEIRD.
but hear me out..

let me tell you some stories involving them.
and maybe you'll understand.

story one.

a group of girls went to urban flatts after work.
now i hate air conditioning.
i'd rather have the wind on my face.
i hate air conditioning
all day we sat inside at work.
so they agree to sit outside
at the flatts.
haha
good idea lindsay.

so we brave the cicadas
and those dumb bugs behaved for the most part
but every few minutes one would fly at one of us
and we would get up
jump
squeel
and the rest of us
who were not the victim of the moment
would laugh soooo hard.
and then we would look inside
and everyone was staring.
judging us.
and we would laugh even harder.

story two.
i was rolling in my car
windows down
jamming to my rap music.

yeah im super dorky.

and all the sudden
a cicada almost flies in my car
haha i scream.
slam on my breaks
and almost rear end my friend in front of me
luckily
she saw it and LAUGHED
and laughed.
with me.
ok at me.
but we laughed.
dangerous but hysterical.

story three.
my favorite.
i was walking to my car in the morning
on my way to work
and i have my glass of water in my hand
and all the sudden

buzzzzzzz.
plop.
splash.

a big old.
stupid cicada.
lands right in my water.
now this is a bug
that can't hurt me AT ALL.
so i do what most adults would do.
i THROW my water across the parking lot.
screeaaammm "AHHHHH BUGGGG"
and run to my car and lock myself inside

bhahahahahahahahhaahha
yes my neighbors were out and saw it all.
hahahah
yeah i'm still laughing at that one.

soooo to say the least
im kind of enjoying them
because they are making me laugh
and act soooo stupid
loosen up a bit.

these bugs that can't fly straight.
they're pretty dumb.
are making me enjoy their company.

haha never thought i would say that.
enjoy your day.
hope you have a cicada kind of day.

you aren't until you are

2011-05-18T07:50:00.000-07:00

we all have things we "aren't"

and how many of us let the fact that we "aren't"

stand in the way of us being something?

how many times have you said something like "well I would love to teach dance, but I'm not a dance teacher!"

here is what i'm saying.

if your heart loves it.

than you are...you just haven't done it yet.

get it?

you may not physically be doing what your heart is telling you to do.

but that doesn't mean you aren't

it just means you haven't taken that step yet.

i had the honor of watching some of my favorite musicians

honor the CMA's last night

and Ronnie Milsap sat up there

and gave me chills...when he said

"I was going to be a lawyer, I would have made a great lawyer.

but then i was told that i should be a musician. because even though i would make a great lawyer and be successful, my heart doesn't lie about what it wants. so good thing i listened to my heart!" hahaha

so here is the point.

yes i have one.

you aren't until you decide you are.

i wasn't your friend

until we met

my mother didn't know how to be a mother

until my sister was born

your favorite professor wasn't a professor

till he taught his first class

you weren't a nurse

until you saw your first patient

i wasn't a younglife leader

until i met my first student

i didn't know how to write

until i started writing

i didn't know i needed to sing

until i sung

so what do you feel?

what is your heart saying?

that you're supposed to own a pet rescue shop?

than open it.

that you're supposed to travel the country and love kids who have no one?

than go and do that.

that you're supposed to give your testimony through song?

than do it.

because you may be great at 100280198 different things.

good for you.

but what is your heart saying

you're meant to be?

make yourself that.

and see what happens.

i am the skinny mirror.

2011-05-04T20:35:00.000-07:00

so one of my best friends

had this skinny mirror in her house

and everyone LOVEEEED IT

we would go over to her house

sometimes just to get a boost

in the old self esteem

it's true

haha whatever you all know it's true

anyways

when she moved to cali

I GOT THE MIRROR

woooo hooooo

haha seriously it's that great

and my roommate doesn't care

she comes into my room

just to get the boost

it's fun.

anywho

i was thinking the other day

why does that have to be the "skinny mirror"?

why can't that be how we look

and the "normal mirror" that makes us all look bigger

why can't that be called the "fat mirror"

ok hear me out.

think about it

they're both pieces of glass.

in frames.

both probably poorly made

one makes us look 20lbs heavier than the other

one makes us feel "ehhh i look ok"

and the other makes us feel "i look gooooood"

so why do we NATURALLY think the "ehhh i look ok" mirror

is how we look?

it's sick really.

we all do it.

we think the worst is what is real

and the "i look goooood" is too good to be true.

i think that we're sooo used to beating ourselves up

we let all the magazines

the tv shows

(i know i know the irony of my job)

but we let them all tell us we're not good enough.

the other day i was wearing a dress

and i kept going back and forth

between my mirror in my bathroom

which is the "ehh i look ok" mirror

and my bedroom mirror which is the "i look goooood" mirror

yes i have A LOT of mirrors

my dad says it's a "bodell thing"

ha my mom decorated with a lot of mirrors

so i do too.

i like looking at myself? i don't know

anywho.

i decided

i have to wear this dress

im a confident woman

and one of these mirrors makes me feel ok

and one makes me feel GOOODDD

soooo i picked

right there.

i decided

i was going to determine that the skinny mirror

was how i looked

that the other mirror just was broken

and the skinny mirror

with my slender self

was how i looked. :)

so this is what im saying.

you choose.

you pick how you feel.

which you is really you.

and whether the world is telling you the "ehh i feel ok" mirror

is you or not.

you get the final say in who you are

because at the end of the day

they are both mirrors

and i get to decide how i see myself.

boys get nervous too

2011-04-28T06:01:00.000-07:00

i love celebrating my friends.

truly

there is something humbling and amazing

about being TRULY happy.

feeling total bliss

over someone elses happiness

tuesday we celebrated the engagement

of lara and charly

and it was a blast

so great to see everyone

celebrate them and laugh with them

it was just amazing to step back and see

all the people that love them in one room

and just see two of my favorite people

shining.

just shining out of appreciation

for everyone who is apart of their life

i made new friends

caught up with old friends

and one of my favorite guy friends was there

and making me laugh as always

we'll call him.....Baron

haha code name incase he's embarrassed

he has always had a crush on one of my friends

no shocker

she's gorgeous and an amazing person

we'll call her .....Terrie

hehe

anyways he's always thought she was a catch.

so i ask him if he's said hi and he says

"oh she's here? I haven't seen her yet!"

haha

and i was like "I just saw you looking at her fool!"

ha busted

boys pretend too.

then he goes "wow she looks beautiful tonight!"

and i said "yes Baron, she's a beautiful person, you should go tell her!"

one of our other guy friends and his girlfriend are trying to push him

telling him not to waste time

we tell him to just go over to her

and he is just soooo nervous

"she's talking to two guys right now, I can't interrupt!"

haha

wow.

guys do it too

guys get nervous

then i tell him "she could be married by the time you get over there, go!"

ha im not sure that helped him

but it made me laugh

it's just...

Baron is a really confident guy

but here he was...

nervous like a little boy.

of a girl with a little lip gloss on

because he thinks

so highly of her

so amazing what nerves can do..

so here he goes.

going to walk up to her

so he starts walking.

and walks BY her

hahaha he just kept walking

SMOOOTTHHHH BARON

hahah

so he comes back and i harass him for that move

he said "she's talking"

i was in aww

i loved it

i loved seeing a grown man

get nervous for a girl in heels.

what i loved even more

was that later that night...

he actually did walk up to her

and tell her how beautiful she looked.

and then they talked.

just like that.

he was nervous but did it anyways

and at the end of the night asked for her number

and now someone that was a friend of a friend.

is now that much closer to him.

just like that.

it's good to know guys get nervous too.

i loved seeing it

being on that side of it.

and it may go no where

but it was great to see.

a boy nervous.

he would have rather gotten rejected

than not tell the girl

she looked beautiful.

made my heart happy.

needed to share

everyone needs a little romance

THE END

or maybe just the beginning :)

pack your lunch today

2011-04-14T09:34:00.001-07:00

times are hard
money is tight
i know this
we all do
so sometimes donating
to things
is tough
i get this as well

but it's important
important for our hearts
to let go of what we think we need
money

and give it to something or someone else

and maybe you think
"eh I need it more!"
and maybe you do

but pass it on anyways

maybe you did donate money to someone that
needs it less than you
but maybe it's more than the money
maybe it's the gesture
no not maybe
it is the gesture
it's the feeling of sharing and giving
there was a purpose to mothers everywhere
for generations
teach the importance of sharing
to their toddlers

i hope we didn't all forget it.
to share
that what is yours isn't actually just yours
it's meant to share.
it doesn't something to the giver
and the receiver

so here is my challenge
hha yeah i like challenges
save up your money
get $10 together
skip a starbucks.
pack a lean cuisine and skip going out to lunch.
drink water instead of diet coke for a week.

here is something
that would be better spent

meet andy
here is his story.
I don't need to explain it.
read it.

Komen Atlanta Race for the Cure®
May 7, 2011

Dear Friends and Family,

I recently accepted the challenge to raise funds to support the 21st Annual Komen Atlanta Race for the Cure on May 7th in the fight against breast cancer. One in eight women will be diagnosed with breast cancer in her lifetime and the more we raise, the more Komen Atlanta can give back to the community through breast cancer education, screening and treatment programs as well as supporting the national search for a cure.

Click here to visit my personal page and pledge your support.

Please join me in the fight by pledging in support of my participation in the Race or contributing generously to the 2011 Komen Atlanta Race for the Cure®. Your tax-deductible contribution will help Komen Atlanta continue to enable women and men in the Atlanta community detect and survive breast cancer. It is faster and easier than ever to support this great cause - you can make a donation online by simply clicking on the link at the bottom of this message. If you would prefer, you can also send your tax-deductible contribution to the address listed below. Whatever you can give will help! I truly appreciate your support and will keep you posted on my progress.

Thank you so much for your time and support in the fight against breast cancer! Every step counts!

Sincerely,

Andy Stilts

To sponsor my participation online, click here.

If you would like to mail a donation to Komen Atlanta in support of my participation, please print off my donation form from my personal page and mail the completed form along with your check to:

Komen Atlanta Race for the Cure
P.O. Box 934611
Atlanta, GA 31193

Susan G. Komen for the Cure - Greater Atlanta Affiliate
4840 Roswell Road, Building D, Suite 100 Atlanta, Georgia, 30342

Affiliate Home | Race Home | Email Preferences

it's more than the money.
it's what it will feel like when a random stranger
donates to this page
and says "hey. I don't know you bud. but i support and pray for you!"
it's not hard.
it's just not.
pass it on to more random people.

this will effect you.
and them more than you'll probably know.

bye.
love you.
mean it.

bucket list this

2011-04-11T19:06:00.001-07:00

i've never had a bucket list
because i believe in living in the moment
but i recently sat in a food court
in vegas
talking with long lost friend
and a new friend
in the casino
ha it was a blast.
and one of them said "what do you want in life?"
and i said "I don't know, i like everything, i love everything!"
and he said "that's not what i asked, what do you want?"
and i said "i don't know!"
and he said "well decide what you want, make goals and go!"

soooo here are some goals/bucket list ideas

i want to take a vacation on a train
just spend like 4 days
traveling by train
straight up white Christmas style
no cell phones
no distractions
just looking outside

i want to go to prom.
not 80's prom
maybe a formal
is this possible? ha
i don't know
but get asked out like the southern boys do
some really original way
go to dinner with a large group
and dance the night away
and all of us will be prom queen
oh and then we'll all go play basketball
on those inflatable things at post prom
haha

i want to go on a hot air balloon.
i'll probably be scared out of my mind
but it's about in the same category as unicorns
truly
it's one of those things you see from afar
but never see up close
ok ive never seen a unicorn from afar but you know what i mean

i want a summer house on a beach
with my husband
i'm not married
and i dont have a boyfriend
ha but i want a boyfriend
not just any boyfriend
a great one.
someday when we're ready..
we'll find each other
and we'll live on a beach.
in the summer
maybe just for a summer
like you read about in the nicolas sparks books
live on a beach. eat cereal
play games at night
go for walks
on a beach
just the two of us.
i want both of those
a husband and a beach

i want to hear someone else sing one of my songs.
i want to make this a goal
by the end of my summer
for a nashville artist love one of my songs
so much..
the song becomes something
they went through
something so personal
they have to sing it
i need that
and this will happen

i want to show love
to as many people as possible
be selfless
and it's hard
because sometimes i just want to dislike people
or rather ignore them
it's sometimes easier to ignore people that are mean
than deal with the fact that
they hate themselves and life
and don't know love
but i want to love people that i don't like
love them because
that's what they need
"those that seem the least loveable need the most love"
that's what i would pray when my sister was about to get punched in the face
by me.
hahah
but love. even when it's easier to walk away

this isn't all of my goals
but it's a start
saying it out loud makes it less scary
my dad and i watched karate kid this week
and it was so good. and one quote
really just made me tear up
yep i'm a cryer.
NO ONE wants to watch rudy with me.
no one.
but the quote was this.

Mr. Han: You don't need to fight anymore. You have proven everything you need to prove.
Dre Parker: What, that I can get beat up easy and then quit? That's not balance, that's not real kung fu. You said that when life knocks you down, you could choose whether or not to get back up. Well, I'm trying to get back up, and why won't you help me?
Mr. Han: Because I cannot watch you get hurt anymore.
Dre Parker: Please, Mr. Han, please.
Mr. Han: Just tell me, Xiao Dre, why? Why do you need to go back out there so badly?
Dre Parker: Because I'm still scared. And no matter what happens, tonight, when I leave, I don't want to be scared anymore.

i'm big on goals.
big on fear
big on kicking fear in the face
and then singing "superwoman" loudly

better on the radio

2011-03-18T12:36:00.000-07:00

i love love love spring
i love the first time i get to wear flip flops
the first time i wear a hoodie and no coat
the first time i ride with my moon roof down
(even if i have to have the heat on while doing it)

one of the things i do
when it becomes spring
is listen to my summer music
to get me ready for summertime fun
mostly country
some colbie
anything that reminds me of being outside
around a bonfire
swimming at the lake
ahhh spring.

and of course i want to immediately make a play list on my ipod
but i get the most joy when it comes on the radio
what is it about when you hear a song on the radio?
today i heard paisley's "the world" on the radio
and screamed and turned it up so loud and sang.
haha
i have it on my ipod
i've listened to it 100 times
i can listen to it all day everyday if i wanted
but there is something about hearing it on the radio
it just makes it that special
makes it like God wanted me to hear that song.

when i was a kid.
i would play that game with God.
alllll the time
"OK God..the next song is a sign."
whatever is on.
that is what you are saying to me.
haha and when it was hanson "mmm bop"
i would just assume it meant i was supposed to marry taylor hanson.
ha seriously allll the time i played that game

i actually decided to move to nashville bc of a tim mcgraw song.
true story.

anywho.
something about when it comes on randomly
when i didn't make the song happen.
that it makes it so much more.

i forget about this all the time when it comes to life.
if you want that "wow. amazing" moment
you've got to let it happen.
you've got to stop making a playlist.
and just let it show up on the radio on it's own.

i know it's cheesy but seriously.
so many times i try so hard to make the miracles happen.
i want to hear a song.
i play it.
i want to see someone.
i see them.
but some of my favorite moments are when
the unexpected happen.
when my favorite song comes on at 6a when i'm leaving for work.
when a friend surprises me because i didn't have time to plan anything
when i run into a familiar face in a random city.

some of my most "God" moments are when he surprises me.
when i see someone my heart needed to see.
in the most random place.
in a random city
at a random time.
i'm reminded.
how small i am.

when those random things happen.
i like to believe that's God reminding me.
he has it.
he knows exactly what song my heart needs to hear.
he knows which friend i need.
or which guy is meant for me.

i love it.
so as much as i love to plan
and try to organize.
my favorite time is when i'm totally knocked on my butt.
when my favorite song comes on the radio.
and i just happened to be in my car
at that time
on that station.
to hear it.
i just love music. ahhhh

fun picture for the day.
amanda changing sheets
on this nasty bus we used for a shoot
bhahaha made me laugh.
she makes me laugh.

when i was a kid

2011-03-04T10:14:00.000-08:00

i can't plan anything
my life never has a schedule
i put a few key dates on a calendar
my niece and nephew's birthday parties
the weddings of two of my best friends
beach trips
and then the rest is up i the air
my family and friends know this
they THANKFULLY love me anyways

lately i've been feeling sad about missing things.
younglife
dinner nights.
kickboxing
just seeing faces of the ones i love.
feeling guilty and sad that i can't plan it better.
that work or something always gets in the way.

then i realize life isn't in the way.
that is LIVING life.
i'm really living my life.
sometimes i feel so busy
that i barely ever stop.
but that's not doing too much.
that's just living my life.

when i was growing up
i never had a plan of who i was going to be
i was never the kid that said
"when i grow up I will be ______"
I never knew
never cared what i would be.
i knew one thing
i knew i wouldnt just sit around
i wouldnt just watch life
i didn't know how i would do this
but i knew that i was going to live it.

i didn't know where i was going to live
when i grew up
i just knew lima/waynesfield would always be home
i didn't know how far i'd be from my family
but i knew that i would always be close
i just knew i was going to go wherever i felt called.
that i would follow my heart there.
and not be scared.
that's what i thought when i was a kid

i had no idea what type of guy i would marry
haha obviously still don't
no idea if he'd be tall or short
honestly i have never had a "type"
i only knew that he would love God
knew that he would love people family and friends with all he had
no idea where he would be from.
but knew we would work hard
laugh hard.
at the future together.
i believed in romance
when i was a kid.

i knew i'd always have the best friends in the world.
i didn't know who they would be.
or who they would look like.
but i knew one thing
that they would love me for me
because i loved me for me.
i knew we'd laugh wherever we were.
and we would always have fun and never grow up.
that's what i thought
when i was a kid

my life is total chaos.
i don't sleep.
i'm never in the same town
and i never really even sit down
and im tired of seeing this as a flaw
im done feeling guilty
i'm living my life
just like i had hoped as a kid

i try hard to live my life
and i think
if 10-year-old lindsay
could see 27-year-old lindsay

she would be so happy.

bc i love with EVERYTHING
and sometimes i miss things
but i think i'm good at not making excuses
so if i miss something it doesn't mean i failed
it means i am just living life

and when my hair is in a pony tail
i feel like the same 7-yr-old tomboy
that would come home dirty
with all sorts of bruises
but i always had fun stories to tell mom and dad

and life is still giving me bruises
but it still hands me some amazing random and funny stories.
and i still always laugh
all the time.

so maybe my life is totally nuts
but i guess a better way to look at it is
this is the life
i wanted as a kid
a life lived and not watched
a life that when im in the retirement home
with the girls
helping mandy find her teeth that she keeps losing
we'll sit and talk about how great it all was.

i will look back and not have a single regret
i won't remember the one dinner i missed
because i will remember all the ones i worked really hard to get to
and all the tears and heart i put into life
the life i could only could have dreamed of
when i was as kid.

and side note

if you think my hair is a mess now.

haha you should have seen it then.

holy nasty tangles.

baha no seriously.

loves.

get out of the car

2011-01-26T05:46:00.000-08:00

i was talking with Carrie yesterday.

always amazing with that one.

she's a very wise soul.

and she is trying out a new church in Jersey.

so when she went on Sunday

she said she sat in her car for awhile.

she had a hard time going into a church by herself.

what if she didn't like it?

but she went.

and it was better than she could have ever thought.

and i started laughing because lately.

i had noticed i have been sitting in my car for things.

literally.

sitting in my car.

i will drive there.

and then get sooooo nervous i just sit in the parking lot.

thinking of driving away.

haha.

God has been putting a lot of things that i have been fearing.

in my path.

and i'm enjoying it.

it's changing me more than i ever could have imagined.

younglife clubs.

or really even just going to the girls house.

everytime.

i sit in my car for a few minutes.

nervous.

just thinking...

ahhhh this is hard..this is tough...

what if they ask me too hard of a question?

what if i don't know what to say?

but i go.

and everytime.

it is a blessing.

music.

i went to write with friends yesterday.

friends.

it just happened to be on music row though.

so i got soooo nervous.

i drove by the building

4 times.

not twice.

4 times.

haha then i sat in my car.

i was like "this is stupid, what am I doing?"

then i thought.

eventually

if i want to keep writing

i will have to get out of this car.

i will have to go.

carry my guitar in public.

write in public.

no more hiding the thought in my room.

with a crush.

everytime.

we hang out.

i just sit in my car.

nervous and scared.

what if he hates me?

what if i make an idiot of myself?

what if...what?

everytime i sit in my car before

i think...it's time to be nervous over a boy again.

it's time to not let your nerves win lindsay.

(yes i talk to myself. haha all the time. my own pep talks get me through the day)

whether it's over a boy.

or writing.

or talking about God with my new friends at BA.

everytime i get out of that car.

my fear gets a little more weak

it gets smaller.

and my faith gets bigger.

everytime i'm scared.

God shows up.

he takes what I think is me...what i make about me and my strength

and he shows up.. and takes it.

shows me he's got it, if i just take the step.

for any of my close friends.

they know all of the above have been huge fears in my life.

my poor friends.

have heard me talk about music for years.

and crushes for years.

im sure this makes you all a tad happy too.

"finally that big baby stopped talking and did some walking!"

but everytime.

i open the door to my car.

put on my smile

and say "hello im here!"

my faith becomes an action.

and my fear gets a little more weak.

and the world changes for the better a little bit more.

so i'm going to keep going.

someday you're going to have to walk.

if you want a change.

we all have fears.

we all sit in our cars and think "this is stupid."

sometimes we drive away

sometimes we take the easy way.

but the change.

the change comes from parking and getting out.

growing up.

2011-01-05T08:15:00.000-08:00

you know.

i could possibly be the most immature person you know.

i laugh at all the inappropriate times.

i giggle at the word "butt"

and forget it if someone farts.

and i STILL laugh at "that's what she said"

i'm a 12 year old boy.

so i was for sure i would never grow up.

ever.

but i did.

and don't worry grandma (who once told me 'if you ever grow up you'll break my heart')

i'm still your little immature baby.

i still like to tp houses.

i still like to start food fights.

i love to play flashlight tag.

but i had to grow up.

and no it wasn't the bills

and it wasn't work.

it was taking responsibility for life.

and others.

there comes a point...when you realize.

your life is not just for you.

where carrying burdens for others is part of life.

it's part of growing up.

helping a parent get through something that a child shouldn't have to.

seeing them age.

seeing them struggle with their parents getting older.

when you still want to be the kid.

but listening to them anyways.

because that's what they've always done for you.

that's growing up.

or constantly asking a friend how they are.

even if their pain and struggle with love and life

breaks your heart every time.

you do it because you know if you can take part of the hurt

just part of it for them

you've helped.

that's growing up.

it's looking forward to Christmas not for the gifts you get

but the pure joy of watching your niece and nephew open their presents.

even though the little goobers only like the boxes and paper.

that's what makes you most happy.

or the fact when they puke all over you

you don't care.

you're just happy they still let you hold them.

that's growing up.

it's being a friend for someone when you want to be more than friends.

it's knowing their heart needs time but needs your smile to get through it.

it's putting your feelings aside to be there for someone.

being anything more would only cause more confusion.

but not being there would make them have to do it alone.

because they need you.

that is growing up.

it's going to a funeral.

when you really feel uncomfortable and out of place.

but going because that person was a friend of your friends.

and even though you never knew them.

you go ahead and feel that pain too.

so when your friend sees your face there

they know you are there for them.

that's growing up.

don't get me wrong.

i'm far from perfect and i miss a lot of chances to grow up.

but i'm realizing that just making sure i feel ok

making sure i'm happy and my life is ok

is not what i was meant to do.

it's not who i was meant to be.

we're meant to get out of our comfort

and carry burdens that aren't ours.

make them ours too.

stress for someone else.

it adds hurt and more trouble on our hearts than we should have to deal with.

it's almost like going out of your way to add pain to your heart.

but if you can carry some.

just a little for someone else.

that. that is growing up.

ok on a happy note.

this is about the only picture i have of Christmas this year.

ha one for the books.

it's my brother and i playing wii tennis.

i threw out my shoulder swinging so hard.

loser.

this was right before i got really sick.

i actually think i quit this game to go lay down.

haha so this picture makes me laugh

because i look like im going to puke on him.

love my family.

off the hook

2010-12-30T14:38:00.000-08:00

the doctor told me to take time and relax.

ha he knew when he said it, and i laughed.

that i wouldn't listen to him.

but i'm trying.

i've got 3 books in front of me.

i've played words with friends.

watched a ton of sappy movies.

painted my cabinets.

ok ha that's not relaxing but hey, i'm trying.

and when i spend enough time alone.

i think.

a lot.

i usually get mad at myself.

at a situation i can't control.

i usually laugh to myself.

and i ALWAYS sing.

me and God.

we're a duet.

anywho.

there are certain things.

i really. really beat myself up on.

and i've decided.

to let go.

let myself off the hook.

i can't control life.

i can't.

and as long as i'm walking and looking for God.

he will continue to guide me.

sooo if that square peg that i'm trying to squeeze and shove into the round hole

isn't fitting.

i'm going to let it go.

instead of being sooo mean to myself.

i decided to really love myself.

i know i'm loved by friends.

and my family more than i can ever love them back.

but i decided

to love myself.

stop being so mean and hard on myself.

now i am a very happy person.

i can even be a tad cocky sometimes.

ha but i'm saying.

when it comes to those things.

those people.

i can't push where i wan't them to go.

i'm going to let myself off the hook.

what are the things you can't control but still try?

and the things you blame yourself for that you really shouldn't?

i say 2011 is the year to let yourself off the hook.

have some faith.

let go and see what happens when you're not pushing.

OK confession.

you all know i'm a sap.

i love romance. love it.

well. this is uber sappy.

but sometimes. when i need to be remided it's out there.

i go to youtube.

and watch videos of jim and pam from the office.

haha i know i know.

it's tv.

not "real"

but it reminds me that it may be on tv.

but it can be real.

it just takes a risk.

i'm ready for a risk.

and a cute jim too

;)

love me some Buble.

Thank you Garth

2010-12-18T05:43:00.000-08:00

I don't even know where to begin.

i don't.

this is going to be rambling.

but i don't care.

my blog.

i can do what i want.

garth.

thanks.

seriously, i've known i've always loved you.

but wow. wow.

to see your gift and passion.

in person.

wow.

this man.

had everyone screaming.

all ages.

not because he's this icon.

because he sings songs.

songs that touched EVERYONE IN THAT ROOM.

lyrics that people used to make life decisions.

using "unanswered prayers" to get through a loss.

or "the dance" about taking risk, no regrets.

or "friends in low places" to celebrate they're crazy friends.

most of the time. he would just stop singing.

because everyone was singing sooo loud.

because hearing the songs live.

hearing others sing the songs.

meant no one in that room was alone.

that was what Garth did.

and he said that he wasn't the most talented person on stage.

that most of his band was more talented.

and not knocking him

but musically, he's probably right.

he plays rhythmic guitar and has a normal vocal range.

so what is it?

what makes him special?

he is doing.

what he is meant to do.

you can see it on his face.

you can hear it in the voices of everyone singing to his songs.

his lyrics.

the lyrics that soo many people needed in their lives.

what if he wouldn't have ever conquered his fear of the stage?

what if he would have let the fact that his guitar player in the band was better at guitar than him?

or maybe the fact that his background vocals could out sing him?

i just.

when you have a passion

i don't even know.

i love music so much.

and not because i live in nashville.

it's something i was born with.

we all have a passion.

and i just. God uses music to speak to me. like he does others.

i mean i felt like i was in church last night. seriously

when he started playing "the river"

Too many times we stand aside
And let the waters slip away
'Til what we put off 'til tomorrow
Has now become today
So don't you sit upon the shoreline
And say you're satisfied
Choose to chance the rapids
And dare to dance the tide

seriously. seriously.

dreaming isn't just for the ones on stage.

everyone.

is meant to shine like that.

everyone.

so you can't sing. or dance. or lead the country in politics.

everyone EVERYONE is meant to shine like that.

everyone has a calling like that.

we're all meant to move mountains.

move each other.

ahhhhhhh

and he didn't play my favorite "standing outside the fire" but it didn't matter.

he kept coming back on the stage, because we wouldn't stop cheering.

and just sang acoustic,with out his band.

at one point he saw a sign, for a cover song he once did.

and he said "yeah I don't even know how to play that song, I've never played it on my guitar. No way that is happening!"

then he just started strumming.

he just started trying.

in front of 20,000 people.

he was just WINGING IT...

after he said "no way"

he did it anyways.

And then the part that made me cry.

truly. i'm a baby.

was the fact.

he could have done 9 shows wherever.

but he did it for Nashville.

2 shows some nights.

he could have done 5 but he did 9.

he brought all those tourist into town.

business. into the city.

just another person that refuses to see a flood beat music city.

I can't explain the feeling that brings.

when you saw the city defeated by the weather.

and you see it rebuilt by it's people.

and love.

ok so this is totally random but this is how I feel. scattered and just inspired. inspired.

we all need to keep going.

keep scaring ourselves.

keep shining.

"heaven's not beyond the clouds, it's just beyond the fear"-gb

PS Kate wish you were there...he said after his last child goes to college..he's going on tour. You. me. and the girls. road.trip.

for my ladies

2010-12-14T06:33:00.001-08:00

A friend gave this to me when I was a freshman in college.

when i was 18.

I needed to read it then.

much like i need to read it now.

enjoy.

I made her. She is different. She is unique.

With Love I formed her in her mother’s womb.

I fashioned her with great joy.

I remember with pleasure the day I created her.

To me she is beautiful.

I love her.

I love her smile. I love her ways.

I love to hear her laugh and see the silly things she does.

She is herself and no one else.

This is how I made her.

I made her pretty, but not beautiful

Because I know her heart,

And I knew that she would be vain.

I wanted her to search her heart, and learn that in Me,

She would be beautiful.

It would be my spirit that would draw people to her.

I made her such a way that she would need me.

I made her a little more lonesome than she would like to be,

Because I want her to turn to me in her loneliness.

I made her dependent,

So that she would depend on me.

I know that if I had not made her like this,

She would go her own way and forget about me,

Her Creator.

I have seen her broken heart,

And the tears she has cried alone.

I have been with her, and had a broken heart too.

Many times she has stumbled and fallen,

Because she would not take my hand.

She has learned hard lessons,

Because she would not listen to my voice.

So many times I have sadly watched her

Go on her way, alone.

And now she is mine again.

I made her and then I bought her.

I paid a high price for her,

I have had to reshape and remold her,

Renewing her for My plan.

It has not been easy for her or for Me.

I want her to be conformed to My image.

This is my goal I have set for her,

Because I love her.

elevator games.

2010-12-04T07:54:00.000-08:00

so I like to go running in the mornings here.

its really cold but such a gorgeous run.

by the monuments

by the white house.

love it.

its not nearly as fun as kickboxing

but it does it's job.

so obviously

no purse while running.

that would be silly.

and i'm not one of those crazies that run with a fanny pack.

haha ok ok i have one for long runs.

but i forgot it in the ville.

so where do i put my room key you ask?

my bra of course! haha

so i jog.

life is good.

i get back.

tell the front desk it's going to be a good day.

they think i'm annoying

i grab a cup of coffee

and sometimes an apple.

and head to the elevator

now the game begins.

i have 8 floors.

to get the key out of my bra

and into my hand.

sounds simple.

oh but there are some challenges to this game.

one my gloves.

i have to get my gloves off fast.

sometimes i take them off at the end of my run.

give myself a head start.

then the coffee.

the coffee leaves me with only one hand free.

and if i have an apple.

the coffee has to be sat on the ground.

extra time wasted.

time is my biggest challenge.

8 floors isn't that much time to dig and grab.

haha

dig and grab.

just imagine my horror.

if i don't get it in time.

and the elevator door opens.

if i'm still digging

there is almost a 99% chance

someone will be standing there.

hahaha

so there is a lot at risk.

if i fail the game.

now....

just imagine how complicated the game gets.

if....

someone.is. on. the. elevator. with me.

good luck with that.

yep.

i live a life of adventure i tell you

risk.taker.

almost back to nashville.

i'm so excited.

so ready to start getting ready for Christmas

oh and

WAR EAGLE!!!!

I work with what God gives me

2010-11-30T15:26:00.001-08:00

my life is funny.

i mean truly the best things happen to me.

the most random people.

say the most random awkward things to me.

so it's that time.

story time kids

about just a typical day in my life.

sooo the lead hair and make up guy on this show.

rocks.

dallas.

i love him.

he's kind and sweet and is the best at what he does.

so we were talking on the phone today.

trying to make sure his team has everything before they come.

and we're laughing.

i tell him to bring me a present from nyc.

tell him my favorite color is blue.

he says "ya know, i just love you! i'm going to bring you some product!"

SCORE

everyone knows i buy the $1 shampoo

so whenever i can get some expensive product.

for free.

yes!!

here is how the rest of the convo went:

dallas "you have long brown hair right? I think I remember that from last year!"

me "yes dallas, wow good memory!"

dallas "yeah it's kind of frizzes right?"

me "bahahaha well it's naturally curly, and sometimes i straighten it"

dallas "yeah i remember, it's kind of frizzy"

AWESOME.

ahha we laughed and laughed and laughed on the phone.

i mean gut laughed.

love him.

love my hair.

it has a mind of it's own.

it does what it wants.

hey. it's what God gave me.

I think you all could use a little chuckle.

i know i needed it.

laugh at yourself when you can.

it's healthy.

love you all.

i really do.

face it.

2010-11-18T13:47:00.000-08:00

we all have fears.

fears we think we'll never get over.

but we forget.

of the fears from the past.

that we conquered.

i used to be afraid of leaving home.

i used to go to basketball camp

or girl scout camp..yeah I was a GREAT girl scout

and i would call home crying.

i thought that i would never leave home.

i ended up moving to college 3 hrs away.

i moved to nashville.

i travel the world for work.

travel to see friends.

the airport is one of my favorite places ever.

makes home even better.

i used to be afraid of running cross country.

we would run 5 miles a day at practice and i just choked and got scared

at the first meet.

got hurt.

and just thought i wasn't good enough to ever finish a race.

and i never did.

i got picked on.

i accepted it.

i just wasn't a runner.

i've now finished 3 1/2 marathons.

i used to be afraid of one of my bosses.

thought he was scary.

he was a big wig from LA.

powerful man.

i barely talked to him.

i didn't want to look stupid.

now we have talks about life and how you have to be a good person.

no matter what life throws at you work wise.

you need to keep your values.

i used to be afraid of music.

singing.

a huge passion of mine.

my journal off the page.

i was soooo afraid that people would judge my feelings.

well let's just say i'll never go back to that.

i used to be afraid of praying out loud in public.

at family dinners or at youth group.

i was NEVER the girl that made eye contact.

i did not want to be picked.

i actually never really talked about my faith in public.

it was what it was.

no one needed to know.

it was me and God.

now i get to lead youth.

get to show them.

to be used.

my point is.

at one point.

you were afraid of something.

terrified of something.

what would have happened if you never faced it?

it doesn't look so scary now does it?

but at the time.

it was huge.

what is scaring you now?

what is that thing you think "well that's just not me"?

someone said to me

"well we're not all outgoing like you, i'm shy!"

shy is a choice.

sometimes i choose to ignore people.

sometimes my nerves win.

promise. if you do it.

it won't have that power over you anymore.

but what are you missing out on if you always let your nerves win?

what is the world missing out on if you never conquer your fear?

so try.

just try.

because a fear is only you.

standing in your own way.

peace.

love.

and hair grease.

it's a ripple

2010-10-31T17:41:00.000-07:00

so i did a lot of me time today.

just thinking.

me and God.

driving in my car.

shopping for dresses for the show.

i do a lot of thinking when i'm alone.

tooo much thinking.

but i was thinking of a convo my cousin michael and i had 3 weeks ago.

we're both very similar.

we think we can change the world.

we know we can.

we both barely sleep.

our minds are always moving.

we feel like we can't take a day off.

because people are always watching.

we feel like we have to shine all the time because we don't want to miss anyone.

maybe we're going to exhaust ourselves.

but i dont know.

no one said loving people would be easy.

no one said leading this world was simple.

yes. i'm a world leader.

and if you've never thought this about yourself.

i feel bad for you.

because you can

you are.

whether you like it or not.

you're changing this world.

life is a ripple.

you don't get a choice in that.

you only get a choice in if it's a positive ripple or not.

michael said to me "linds we're ignorant to think our life is only about us. we're foolish to think every decision doesn't effect people we'll never meet!"

wow.

maybe you didn't know it.

but when you honked your horn at that car the other day.

there was a little boy in that car you honked at.

he saw it.

he saw that anger.

and somewhere.

he kept it.

and someday it'll come out.

maybe while driving he'll honk.

or maybe he'll be a yeller.

or maybe worse. who knows.

and you'll never know you taught him that.

but you did.

or that time you were at the grocery.

you were in a hurry.

and the clerk was kind of grumpy.

she said something.

you didn't have time for her.

it would have been easier to just say thanks have a great day.

but you decided

to tell her it'll be ok, we all have those days.

you shared a laugh with her.

smiled with her, she looked like she needed that.

it took no more time.

but she instantly felt a little bit better.

she smiles at the next customer.

the next customer was having a horrible day.

but now that the clerk is smiling....his day gets a little bit better too.

please know.

let's not be so blind.

our life is not about just us.

we will effect people we will never meet.

you will in some way....have an effect on my kids someday.

you will somehow have an impact on the future leader of this country.

somehow someway. something you say. a wave. a kind gesture.

so what do you want to pass on.

it can be as easy as just smiling at strangers

i know it sounds simple.

but a smile is just as contagious as a dirty look.

and a laugh.

well i truly believe a laugh is stronger than any medicine

something about it.

i truly think it goes deep into the soul.

so tomorrow.

just try.

it's not always easy.

trust me i can be the biggest grump of all.

but try.

to pass something on.

something worth passing on to people you'll never meet.

we.are.family.

2010-10-19T15:03:00.000-07:00

Family.

can make you smile

and happy like no one else.

you are truly proud

that they can say their colors

and sit up on their own.

No two are the same.

some are teachers.

some laugh at everything.

some only speak in movie quotes.

some will be the next president.

no matter how different.

we're the same.

one family gene links us.

i think it's the sarcastic gene.

but all the same blood.

some are generations apart.

they may never understand why we don't

write letters

and why we don't pick up the phone.

we won't get why they don't know how to text

or why they can't upload photos on facebook.

one family though.

no matter what we've been through.

somehow

we put it all aside

and can just laugh.

and enjoy each other.

no matter what.

we didn't pick this.

haha we probably wouldn't pick each other.

but we were GIVEN each other.

we need each other.

thick and thin.

we're all we have.

we're blood.

we're family.

how time flies

2010-10-09T06:16:00.000-07:00

one year ago.

i was in nyc.

thinking about buying a place.

i found one.

well it found me.

it kept coming in my inbox.

i kept deleting.

airport? tooooooo far.

kept coming in.

so i decided to call my realtor and go see it.

why not?

hooked.

immediately.

fell in love.

my mom and dad were in town for the "31 days" showing.

so they came along with lara and i.

we looked at 5 condos.

one had carpet in the restroom.

one had a bag of chips on the stairs.

and one. well this one.

was perfect for me.

"the windows are old linds" my dad said to me.

i knew instantly.

this is it mom and dad.

i could picture myself drinking coffee on the deck.

i could picture my friends here drinking wine and watching a movie.

this is the one.

i knew.

it worked amazingly.

we painted it during rehearsal week.

hahaha charly hated that.

the whole crew mocked us for working 12 hrs then going to paint.

we didn't care.

we were excited.

i remember they had this. this witch in the basket. i loved her.

she's back.

wow. a whole year.

a whole year we've been here.

i remember the first week.

i scrubbed and scrubbed it.

it had a smell. a clean smell but it smelled like someone else.

i hated it.

i cried. yes i cried.

i remember sitting on my floor crying thinking this wasn't my home.

it didn't feel comfy but I would give it time.

maybe.

a whole year.

a lot of laughing.

a few tears.

we learned the single ladies/thriller/soulja boy in this place.

we've made lots of meals. and burnt some.

i learned you have to open the flue on the fireplace or the smoke will come in the house.

haha my parents have two fireplaces and i've never done that so don't judge.

we've had many guest on these couches.

we spent the summer at the pool.

we've missed HOA meetings OOOPPPSS

we watched all the episodes of LOST in 3 months.

i've baked a lot of cakes. made the floor very sticky from icing.

we've watched a lot of planes fly right above us.

we've been on a lot of those planes.

it's been a fun year.

thanks miss witch

for coming back

and reminding me

it's been a year.

here's to another year!

fall time.

2010-10-03T08:18:00.000-07:00

i love fall.

most people do.

it's beautiful in nashville.

pumpkin spice lattes

macintosh yankee candle

football

haunted corn fields

the smell of bonfires

wearing my osu hoodie

Christmas music. yes. I start early.

holidays.

apple cider

carving pumpkins.

usually carving pumpkins poorly.

my moms potato soup.

with lumps in it. haha aka dumplings.

riding with the windows down and the heat on.

my CMA family

photographs.

they're always prettier in fall.

that's all for now.

just a few happy thoughts.

this one right here.

she's getting married.

couldn't be happier for her.

it's a blessed thing.

when you get to have joy for a friend.

some people never get to feel that.

remember the love.

2010-09-11T06:25:00.000-07:00

we all remember

exactly

where we were when we heard.

i was coming home from volleyball practice

i walked into my dorm

and there are about 5 girls sitting in there.

i always left my door unlocked and they always crashed in my place

so this was a normal scene for me.

but the look on everyones faces

i won't ever forget.

no one knew what was going on.

everyone was in shock.

our RA grabbed her Bible and we all sat in the hall.

reading.

praying.

we had no idea what was going to happen.

they closed our campus immediately

because of the polymer science building

so we all had to leave

where were we going to go?

home was 3 hrs away.

i remember calling my mom bawling

thinking this was it

and that i was never going to see my family again.

ugh that feeling.

so i hopped in a car with some of my friends

and went to their parents

we sat around the tv for hours and cried

and prayed

and ate together

and tried to smile

but mostly cried

some of us had never been to nyc.

but it didn't matter.

it was our city.

our people.

all of us shared that pain.

we hugged and tried to tell each other it would be ok

but no one knew if it would

it's been 9 years.

9 years.

and sometimes i think we forgot what really happened that day.

a hate crime.

a horrific hate crime happened.

it doesn't matter the race. the religion.

hate is ugly no matter who does it.

a hate crime happened.

and we faced it with love.

we all came together.

ate with strangers.

cried and hugged with whomever was there.

for one day.

all we could do was love each other.

there was no other option

to love sooo deeply for those who were physically there

and love for the rest of us who were mentally attached.

we were soo sick with sadness that we would have done

anything that day for a stranger

anything.

given them food. money. let them stay at our homes.

we just loved.

because we all were suffering together.

we will always remember the day

but lets also remember what we felt.

we're all still hurting.

not just because of that day.

but because of life.

we all are suffering still.

heartache.

constantly.

so even though you may think life is dandy.

remember the days you were suffering and know

that not a day goes by that a stranger doesn't need you.

not a moment.

and 9 years ago we felt pain for someone else.

i mean physically felt someone elses heartache as our own.

we need to keep remembering that.

to keep on loving strangers.

not just when tragedy hits.

but everyday.

we don't need to remember how we felt that day.

once a year in september

everyday.

remember.

to love that deeply.

ache that hard for strangers.

how do you see it?

2010-08-27T04:06:00.001-07:00

ok so this summer.

haha oh this summer.

i wish everyone could have a summer.

where they are totally humbled

and taken COMPLETELY out of their comfort zone.

i don't even feel like lindsay this summer.

i was telling my roommate the other night

"I don't even know where i fit anymore, i just know i have to keep going on this path and it will make sense someday"

anywho.

its been a think too much kind of summer.

but in a great way.

i think it's good to evaluate yourself everyonce in awhile.

i've learned two very big things.

one

I HATE TRAFFIC.

hate it.

hate it

hate it.

rush hour= stinky cheese

yuck.

two.

i have too much pride.

too much.

i never thought i did.

but i do.

and one comes in the form of people.

now i love people.

if i could put everyone in my pocket

i would.

but sometimes

especially this past year.

i've felt really used.

people liking my job more than me

i got pretty jaded last year ( i hate the word jaded. its kind of cheap, but it fits)

people talking music all the time.

people talking tv.

this one "hey if you ever need anyone, let me know, i'll work for free"

or "tell me about so and so.."

i felt like this whole town was fake.

everyone was fake.

everyone was going out to be seen.

everyone was trying to use everyone else.

(I'm not talking about my closest friends, they're the bomb.com)

but i just had enough of nashville and the fakeness.

.ENOUGH.

so i took a break.

i was tired of feeling used.

people only talking to me when they wanted things

people only being around me

when they wanted things

and this summer.

i've realized

i was wrong.

yes maybe i was being used sometimes.

but i was looking at it ALLL WRONG.

i wasn't being used.

God was giving me the chance to be used.

make sense.

i was seeing it as being used. walked on. stepped on. looking like a fool.

but it was a chance.

it's ALWAYS a chance.

to help someone.

it's just the way you look at it.

maybe they're looking at it at first as "yes. i will totally befriend her to get in"

but so what.

i was taught to show love and kindness.

no matter what.

not "if i feel like it" or "if i feel like loving them back" or "if they're not using me"

show it anyways.

the thing is.

it's all in how i look at it.

the little chances in life i get to make a difference

everyday we all talk about how "we can change the world'

we all know the quote from the founders of apple.

"this ones for the dreamers, the weird ones, the ones that think outside the box"

something like that.

anyways.

we're always looking for "that break. just one chance to change the world"

truth is.

we get many chances every day

all day.

but they don't look like what we think.

they're not the head of the record label

offering you a deal.

they don't come in a form of a big promotion

or "hey, i'm the perfect person ready to SWEEP you off your feet"

uh no.

i mean i believe in that.

but sometimes it's baby steps first.

baby steps up the stairs...(movie.what movie?")

they come in the form of

a friend needing an ear to listen.

someone behind you, having a bad day and whether or not you hold open the door.

or let it shut in their face.

it comes in the form of inviting someone at work to lunch.

even though you go to lunch with your fun friends.

it's the fact that she goes to lunch with no one.

it comes in the form of befriending

the unfriendable

or when you pass a homeless person

who you usually avoid eye contact with

because you don't want to give them money.

it comes in the form of

maybe they just want you to look up and smile.

just maybe that would make their day.

the little things.

i'm far from perfect. haha

way far away.

like im in never never land

away from perfect.

but the thing is.

i can't sit and wait for my big chance.

i can't wait for the next flood to hit nashville

for my heart to feel the need to help others

i can't wait for a car wreck in front of me

to have my "help the neighbor" moment

those moments are now

right now.

and i fail them everyday

we fail them everyday.

and the thing is...

those little moments

those are the ones that make us ready for the big ones.

sooo that being said.

it's all about how you look at it.

the little things.

that may not seem that important to you.

could be the moments

that change some ones life.

i had a crush on you if...

2010-08-05T18:32:00.000-07:00

ok so it's my summer of yes.

yes to taking back my life.

not letting a career decide who i am.

letting love and faith lead the way.

soo...

i'm 27 and have dated like an idiot for the past 5 years.

ok my friend steph would say all through college too.

but i'm over it.

i'm sick of being stupid.

so here is a huge flaw of mine.

i think i'm a great person

i'm probably one of the most charming people you'll meet ;)

so i'm not trying to beat myself up

ha but this is a flaw

I HAVE GOT TO GET RID OF.

what better way than a blog huh?

here are my huge dating flaws

they USED TO EXIST

lately i've been really good about getting rid of them

but i think guys should know they're out there

idiots like me

outgoing

and talking to everyone

except the one she likes

let's play this game....

lindsay liked you if....

1. i talked to your best friend instead of you.

yeah i do this.

i also ALMOST ALWAYS

get asked out by the best friend.

example:

you and your friend walk in.

i have nothing NOTHING to say to you

but instantly bond with your bff paul

sorry bff paul.

i just am too nervous to talk to your friend Bob that I like

sorry bob that i ignored you.

it's just that i was too nervous around you.

2. I've danced with your best friend.

ha and i love to dance

so chances are

i've danced with your best friend

in hopes that you would ask me to dance

ughhh just ask me to dance fellas.

it's easier than this game

unless i held your hand after you danced with me

then i liked you

3. i couldn't hold a conversation with you.

news flash.

i can have the best conversation with a bookshelf.

if i couldn't form a sentence around you

i liked you

if a conversation is really awkward, example:

you: how are you today?

me: i like pencils. sometimes i use pens. but mostly pencils, except when i use markers.

yep.

i'm baffled and have noooo idea what words are spitting out of my mouth.

i liked you.

4. if i pretended i didn't see you.

sorry guys.

this one is HUGE for me.

i suck when it comes to this

example:

i'm at sushi yobi with friends

you walk in.

this place is smallllll.

narrow.... the waiting area is seen by the whole restaurant.

everyone sees you.

but i'm still looking the other way.

then you walk up to the table and i drop my chop sticks and act surprise.

yes.

i saw you and am 5 years old.

then i go back to number 1 and immediately start talking to your bff

and asked him to hang out and play volleyball instead of you.

yep

i was just hoping you would say

"i want to hang out too"

see they all tie together.

5. I emailed you or facebooked you instead of talking to you

ughhh i hate that I can't say what I want to guys in person.

actually most guys are like this too

text.

facebook.

email.

lamesauce.

instead of talking in person.

it's weak really.

imagine if our grandparents had done this?

been this lame?

where would we be?

so guys that i have liked

i'm sorry

sorry that i really liked you

and you probably felt a connection too

and then i played ALL SORTS of games

truth is.

it was just to make you come after me.

which is stupid.

but the truth.

i smile all the time.

laugh all the time so you don't see

that i really miss or like you.

girls do that.

we want to smile in pictures so you don't get it.

but really we just want you to ask us to go get coffee.

no more games.

good thing out of all of this

this summer

i've grown soo much.

it's sad that i wish i could have grown in the past

that maybe one of you would still be in my life

but what's done is done

but i've grown

and two.

i've written some really great songs out of the heartache this has caused me.

haha no seriously

lots of songs.

i'm random

2010-07-26T19:59:00.000-07:00

it's over.

i've had it.

i need space.

tonight i've decided.

i'm taking off the facebook notifications.

i know. it's rash

but it must be done.

i can't handle it.

it sends me all these emails.

someone sent you a msg

someone wrote on your wall.

someone in east nashville is thinking about looking at your page.

enough.

and everytime it sends me a msg

i drop everything to read it.

it's lame.

lame.

so tonight i took them all off.

haha my roommate lara literally gasped when i told her.

so it is done.

i will not be chained to facebook.

no no no.

now i can focus on more important things.

life.

loving.

laughing.

twitter.

on more important news.

my nephew gabe is now reaching.

i think it's time for him to make his blog debut.

world.

meet gabe.

he rocks.

he's got beautiful almost violet eyes.

he's a looker.

i tell my sister that he has a wise old man spirit.

he will have a sail boat.

play checkers in the park while wearing argyle.

and know how to love everyone all the time and be peaceful.

and then there is dylan.hahah wild. watch out.

i'm writing a song for dylan.

because yesterday she got on the phone and goes

"winndddseey! hi"

"hi dylan how is your baby brother?"

"baby brudda! alkjfewoijflakdjaofjoewijkljllfksajdfokajwoejw"

haha and then i get

"i wuv you aunt winddseeyyy!"

so she gets a song.

done.

and you know it's going to be a good one

when the words "keep dreaming" make me bawl just thinking of singing them to her.

ahhhhh i've got a big heart.

judge if you must.

that's all folks.

back to writing

and reading my nicolas sparks book.

that's right.

that's what single girls do to keep their faith in romance alive.

read nicolas sparks books.

hahaha

night.

out of shape

2010-07-16T10:00:00.000-07:00

don't you hate when you get out of shape?

you just feel gross.

when you climb those steps and can't breathe?

most of the time when you think of being out of shape.

you think of your body.

well today i wore my favorite pumps.

they're TALL.

we're talking 4"

anyways when I got home

my feet hurrrrtttt.

i wear flats and flip flops all summer

and forgot that my feet aren't ready for heels

they're out of "pump" shape.

guitar.

anyone who plays the guitar knows.

when you first start.

ouch.

you develop calluses on your fingers.

it's kind of weird.

and if i go for more than a week or so with out playing.

i have to build them up again.

hot i know.

but i've got to keep them in shape or else.

pain.

spelling.

i had to take a spelling test yesterday.

i misspelled sincerely.

yep that's a 5th grade level word.

my brain needs some working out FOR SURE.

directions.

ever since GPS.

how many of us can read a map?

who needs to?

who even needs to know how to remember to get to harris teeter.

just mapquest it.

texting.

don't get me started.

when did we lose the art of picking up the phone?

i'm just as bad, it's just easier.

dating.

yes i know.

everyone knows this is my summer of yes.

i've told everyone about it.

i've just been sooo busy with work.

i got REAL out of shape with dating.

i forgot how.

i forgot how to let a guy date me.

so this summer.

we're working that out.

guys you can apply with my friend mandy.

she's doing the screening process.

anyways.

i had to step outside my situation and acknowledge

my dating life is out of shape.

my point is we let things get out of shape.

we spend so much time trying to keeping our bodies in shape.

but what about other things.

all those things take EXERCISE.

practice.

once you get in a routine of being out of shape.

it's hard to get back in.

it's like being obese.

years of eating mcdonalds

chipotle :)

and never working out.

hard hard habits to break and get in shape.

so when you are working out.

think about what in your life

is out of shape.

spiritual life?

when was the last time you let go and gave it to God?

love life?

when did you last love someone and expect NOTHING back?

i know when i think about it.

i have a lot to get in shape.

i'll start with dating and texting.

and see how in shape i can get:)

be inspired.

2010-07-09T17:39:00.000-07:00

if you're not inspired to make life better.

than you've quit dreaming.

if you've quit dreaming.

than you're just not living.

i don't really watch tv.

ironic considering my job.

i know.

but i really love some commercials.

the ones that REALLY just motivate you.

here are some of my favorites.

i love them so much that i watch them on youtube sometimes.

just for some extra motivation.

yeah i know.

i WAS that girl that bought the motivational posters from the school that the teachers had

"he who is not courageous enough to take risks will accomplish nothing in life" Muhammed Ali

one of my favorite ones.

i had them all over my house.

they kept me going somehow.

they were just words but somehow i kept hope through them.

judge if you must.

anywho.

they're only commercials.

but sometimes this is all you need.

just a little commercial to remind you.

we're all the same.

the only difference is the ones who actually follow their heart.

it's ok to be just ok

2010-06-16T09:35:00.000-07:00

when people ask "hey! how are you?!"

most people respond "I'm well, how about you?!"

when my friend Krystal asked me i said

"uhhhh i'm ok. i mean good, i'm good!"

she said to me "it's ok to be just ok lindsay"

i loved it.

don't get me wrong.

i'm a very happy person.

very blessed.

but i want to be honest about something.

i'm not always happy.

i may be an optimist.

i try and find the light in everything.

but that doesn't mean i don't want to cut someone.

haha inside joke, i wouldn't really cut someone :)

that doesn't mean i don't get mad or sad.

it just means i think it's important to try and find happy.

so i feel like saying.

to you.

it's ok to be ok.

i think if there is something i've learned in the past year of soul searching.

it's this.

it's ok to look weak.

it's ok to let your closest friends in.

and see you struggle.

and to trust that they will not hold it against you.

ever.

it's ok to miss someone you barely know.

it's ok to feel connected to someone just because you liked the way they smiled at you.

once.

it's ok to feel crazy that you think about someone.

based on just a feeling and nothing else.

it's ok to want someone near you.

to feel like you are connected.

even if you barely know them.

it's ok to feel completely lost in the world.

like you don't even fit in.

it's ok to just put on a smile sometimes.

because trying to explain the reason why you're not smiling is too hard.

it's ok to make mistakes.

it's ok to change your mind

1000 times.

it's ok to be speechless around someone.

even though you're the girl that can talk to a tree stump.

it's ok if you never make sense around him.

because he makes you that nervous.

and it's ok to believe someday the words will come.

it's ok to write songs about how you feel because it's easier than speaking the words.

it's ok to move hundreds of miles away.

because you want to be with the boy you love.

and then end up missing your friends terribly.

it's ok to change your mind or be confused.

it's ok to cry to your friends about it and know that you will never be replaced.

i'm not saying it's ok to be angry all the time.

it's not ok to be mean.

but i am saying that if you're doing it right.

if you're truly soul searching.

truly listening to your feelings and life.

you're not going to be ok all the time.

you're going to get lost.

you're going to feel really out of place and stupid sometimes.

you're going to cry and feel alone.

so i guess if you're doing it right.

you're going to feel "just ok" sometimes.

summertime fun.

2010-05-27T14:13:00.000-07:00

it may not be summer on the calendar yet.

but it is over 90.

it's summer.

the pool.

the lake.

sundresses.

staying outside till 9p

driving with the windows down.

yes yes. it's summer.

nothing is more summer to me.

than country music.

i know gag right.

i live in nashville.

and i love country music.

it might seem stereotypical.

but it's not.

i love allllll kinds of music.

i DEFINITELY didn't think i'd ever work in it.

and sometimes.

i get so wrapped up in my job.

i forget how much this music made me who i am.

i'm too busy being my job.

i forget that i was a huge fan.

i am a fan.

just like i was when i was growing up.

i grew up in ohio.

we sat around bonfires listening to reba.

we went camping.

tim mcgraw.

kix & ronnie.

they all went camping with us.

i remember the first country song i ever heard.

well the first song i heard that made me FALL IN LOVE with country music.

i was at indian lake.

on my bike.

with my stereo tied onto it.

yeah i was junky.

and "don't take the girl" came on.

and i just stopped.

something was different.

this was the beginning.

growing up.

singing "broken wing" in my bedroom mirror.

in my brush.

strawberry wine..making me cry.

over and over and over.

driving the lawn mower, singing "she don't know she's beautiful"

my dad recently told me "my favorite thing was you mowing the yard. you'd be an acre back, thinking no one could hear you singing! you're own concert!" haha

putting "standing outside the fire" on our softball warm up TAPE.

that was our motivation to be better.

George's "true" & "I cross my heart" ah.

still want to dance to those at my wedding.

then college.

EVERY weekend was a concert.

lawn seats.

jean skirts and cowboy hats.

yes.

we were those girls.

blankets on the lawn.

just laying there letting the music decide.

decide if we were going to cry next or get up and dance.

it's funny those songs helped raise me.

good old country lyrics.

about love and loss.

taught me about life.

i had no idea back then.

it would still be such a big part of my life.

or that i'd be here.

a little girl.

from ohio.

God has a funny way of bringing things full circle.

sooo country may "be from the south"

but believe me.

it lives loud and proud in ohio.

this little girl screams country.

fun and beautiful.

Hope

2010-05-12T11:12:00.000-07:00

random strangers show up.

in your drive way.

they have their mouths open.

they can't believe the site

this is your neighborhood.

they don't even know you.

this is your home.

some of them gag at the smell.

they look stunned and don't even know where to begin.

they start spreading out

"do you need help?"

"how about you? Do you need help?"

They just start walking into homes.

The doors are wide open.

mostly to vent out the mildew smell.

But they just walk in.

to your home.

your neighbors homes.

what do you feel?

do you feel joy?

do you feel shocked that random people would help?

do you feel mad that they're invading your privacy?

do you feel annoyed, "I don't need sympathy!"

do you feel all of this?

do you want them to go away?

"don't walk into my home?"

whomever they are.

you want to say "no thank you, i don't need help"

but you can't

you need help.

whomever they are.

where ever they came from.

you need them.

just pause and think about it for a second.

how in need do you need to be to say "yes, please help."

strangers.

you need strangers to help rip up your carpet.

you need these random people to help pack up and toss out what is left of your stuff.

you need help to find hope and not just start crying.

again.

you need help in possibly one of the most tragic times of your life.

they go through your clothes.

they decide what is trash and what is worth washing and saving.

they're are going through your photos.

your clothes.

your childrens toys.

another group is in your daughters bedroom.

loading up toys in trash bags.

bleaching the ones that can be saved.

tossing the ones that were soaked in the mud water.

one girl.

in your room.

putting your underwear drawer in a plastic bag.

you want to tell her to stop.

those are personal.

but you can't

because you need help.

another neighbor.

nothing left.

3 cars.

gone.

3 story home.

Nothing but a wood frame left.

all your clothes.

somewhere in the river.

asking strangers to fish in the creek to find any jewelry.

while you pull out the rest of your belongings.

from the creek.

one girl is in the corner.

trying to dry out love letters to your wife

while you were overseas.

wedding cards.

your favorite fathers day card from your daughter.

photos.

that your family has collected over they years.

vacations.

weddings.

births.

once were in photo albums.

now hanging on clothes lines between two trees.

hoping to be saved.

these strangers will never know.

how you feel.

they get to go home.

after a day spent in mildew and mud.

take a bath.

maybe go out with friends.

go on with their life.

you'll keep washing the mud off your Christmas decorations.

the ones you could find in the yard.

you get to continue to stare at your wood frame.

that used to be your home.

your toiletries on a tarp in the front yard.

your front lawn lined with everything.

that used to be inside.

now tore out.

you think "what next?"

i had no idea what to expect.

with this flood.

i can't ever explain what we saw in those homes.

this isn't meant to be sad.

it's not meant to bring guilt.

but in the weeks to come.

when the "city" looks put back together.

remember the homes that are far from it.

this is our town.

our love.

and yes it's sad that opry mills and forever 21 won't be up till Christmas.

but remember there are homes out there.

that will never be up again.

a week of helping out is great.

but do more.

if you don't have time to give.

keep donating money.

if you don't have money.

make the time to give.

keep being hope.

keep asking who needs help.

who needs money.

we can all keep sending money.

somebody's cousin.

a neighbor to your friends mother in law.

somebody.

find them.

help them.

or email me.

i'll find them.

treat this like it was your family that lost it all.

because it is somebody's family.

keep caring.

We are Nashville.

mama

2010-05-08T07:33:00.000-07:00

she had her own dreams.

then she had us.

she let our dreams become her dreams.

she walked with my dad.

in this thing called life.

and on days when she wanted to quit.

she kept going.

she shows strength that most of the world has never seen.

and she even did it with a smile and amazing grace.

she knew the day i was born she was in trouble.

girl number two.

the "thrower"

the one with the mouth.

she let me eat sand.

she let me get dirty.

she worried because i instantly made every stranger a friend.

but never got too worried because she knew no one would ever kidnap me.

she let me talk.

and talk. and talk. usually let me talk to myself.

but she never said shut up.

she got us all to go to church by bribing us with dairy queen.

she made us know our cousins.

she made us know our grandparents.

she took us to family pot lucks every weekend.

she made us play outside.

she took us camping.

she taught us to grow up with imaginations.

big imaginations.

she never missed baseball. football. softball. volleyball. basketball. wrestling. choir competition.

anything.

she was there.

sometimes with a cow bell.

she survived our high school years.

she survived hilda:)

she survived two sisters.

one grade apart.

very different views on life.

she out lasted the fights.

she survived lots of pulled hair.

she grounded us.

she made us share a room.

with pink bunnies in wagons.

she taught us honesty.

which meant more fighting.

but in the end, she taught us how to be great sisters.

she made us into best friends.

she showed my sister how to be a mom.

a brilliant mom.

she somehow is an even more amazing grandmother.

she never ceases to surprise me.

she gave us an amazing little brother.

she taught us how to love him.

she helped us protect him from the world a bit.

she then taught us how to let him stumble a little on his own.

she let us pick on him so he didn't get only child syndrome.

she then tells us when to leave him alone :)

she is making him into a fine young man.

even if she is doubting it all now that he is 16 :)

she doesn't punch my brother in the face when he lips off.

even though he deserves it ;)

she gave us zach which makes all our lives better.

she taught me how to cook even though she will always be a way better cook.

she sings and dances in the kitchen with me while we bake.

she bakes me a redcake every year for my birthday.

she gave me the love of music.

she told me to share it with the world.

she taught me that the only way to be successful in life is to laugh.

and have a lot of faith.

she says "if someone is mean to you, smile at them, it'll annoy them even more!"

she told me i could be anything and go anywhere i wanted to go.

she was there the first day of college trying not to let me see her cry.

she told me to me to dream big.

she never once laughed when i told her yet another big dream.

she pushed her worries and fears aside when i said "i think God is telling me to move to nashville"

she still makes me think of her everytime i hear sugarlands "babygirl"

she still stands in the drive way with my dad everytime i leave.

waving.

so thank you mom.

thank you grandma.

thank you joni

thank you susie.

thank you debbie.

thank you kim.

thank you amy.

thank you for all being wonderful moms in my life.

thank you for the advice you gave my mom.

the prayers you prayed for her.

the tears you cried with her.

every piece of you that helped make her amazing.

thank you.

guess who won this one?

2010-04-27T14:42:00.000-07:00

in the battle of nyc vs. lindsay.
well....you pick the winner of this situation.

midnight.
carrie and myself getting in a cab on our way to stay with ELF.
hail the cab.
carrie goes "you go ahead and go first"
OK! i jump in gladly.
throw all 2093820 of my bags in the car.
sliiiidddeeeeeee across the seat.
because that's what you do.
you enter from curb side and sliiiiiddeeee over.

i say "yum..smells like fresh bread!"
i immedately think of the wonderbread factory
that was on my college campus and the smell of the mornings at school.

carrie ignores me.
i say "oh man...I stuck my hand in water, it's wet!"
yep.
then...immediately something starts soaking through my jeans.
yep.

"what the heck, i sat in a whole puddle?!"
mind you it's pitch black.

i turn backwards in the cab to stare at the seat.
can't see anything.
all the sudden, the street light hits the seat.
water?
no.
worse.
vomit.
old. pink. vomit.

i of course start screaming and laughing so hard i can't breathe.
carrie saw it at that moment too.
she started laughing.
i'm SCREAMING OH MY GOSH OH MY GOSH.
every light we pass shows me once again.
yep.
vomit.
someone elses vomit.

so i'm like PULL OVER WE'RE GETTING OUT.
carrie. being the amazing friend she is
"but linds, we'll never get another cab at this hour, it's just 5 min!"
5 MIN IN SOMEONE ELSES VOMIT?
haha so i'm laughing soooo hard.
because we're sooo exhausted.
two weeks of not sleeping.
and this.

she has now rolled the window down and is not looking at me.
as i sit backwards in the cab crying laughing.
so 5 MINUTES later we get out.
we tell the cab driver.
as if he didn't hear me screaming.
he didn't care.
awesome.
he was probably happy i wiped most of it up.

step out of the car.
all.over.my. pants.
all.over.my.white.coat.
3.bags. covered.

carrie runs ahead and can't look at me.
i am in tears from laughing so hard.
'carrrieeeee wait..helppppp"

haha nothing.
from my dear friend.
ELF cleaned me up when we got upstairs.
Carrie continued to laugh.

haha only me.
as we tried to sleep.
we laid giggling.
at the thought of the pink vomit.
i think it was a blessing.
because we both needed a good laugh.
gross.
but a blessing.

NYC won yet again.
come on lindsay.
pull it together.
you're better than puke pants.

lindsay vs. nyc

2010-04-13T19:42:00.000-07:00

So we work a lot.

and the trip into work is about 1hr and 15 min.

so ummm that's a good chunk of sleeping time there.

i take fulllll advantage of that.

if you're a close friend you'll already know where this is going.

so i sleep every morning on the bus.

ya know, because NO ONE sits by me anyways.

sometimes i'm awaken by my head jerking.

hah you know what i'm talking about.

i do it on the plane all the time too.

you're dreaming and all the sudden you jerk and wake yourself up.

anywho so i sleep but always wake up when we pull into port authority (my bus stop in the city)

well...today i put on my headphones.

because i just bought matt hires album

rockin.

and..well...i didn't wake up.

on my own that is.

i wake up to the tap on my shoulder

a cute guy none the less.

walking off the bus.

"we're here!"

bahahahah yeah

e.m.b.a.r.r.a.s.s.i.n.g.

i start laughing

that's what i do when i feel awkward.

i just laugh

still half asleep walking off the bus laughing

bed head.

and if that wasn't bad enough.

the bus driver starts moving the bus closer to the door

WHILE i'm getting off.

he yells at me

but i'm so out of it i don't know what's going on

haha

so i'm laughing the whole way to work.

mind you i haven't had coffee yet.

and i go to wash my hands.

because ny is dirty.

and i look in the mirror.

and this is tmi.

but..

my zipper on my jeans may or may not have been up.

bahaha i only share because i hope everyone realizes what a hot mess i am

and laughs.

i need someone to take care of me please.

i clearly have lost it and can't do it anymore.

you win this time nyc.

today is Dyl Beans 2nd bday.

two years ago.

the world became awesome.

she eats cake like a lady.

her new bike.

she was testing her helmet out

hitting her head

to make sure it worked.

yep.

she's like her mom.

if you're looking for love...

2010-04-01T17:55:00.000-07:00

i think this is what it looks like...

when your sister from another motha'

tells you she is moving.

and even though you want to selfishly cry.

happiness wells up because you know

it's time for her to shine her light on

all the elderly in florida.

when your aunt sends you a video

telling you which college your cousin

is going to go to and you start crying

because she's growing up!

summer time fun 4 life!

when your baby brother

wants to spend time with you

even though he's 16.

he'll still watch harry potter with you.

on a friday night.

just because you asked.

a mary lemonpoppyseed muffin.

can bring you so much happiness.

for one friend.

and the times you've shared.

at 7:30am

ok 8:15am because we're both always late.

crying and laughing over coffee.

and a muffin.

when you can't think of anything more exciting

than going to your nieces 2nd birthday.

when a friend is going through a rough patch

and another one shows up after a 12 hour shift

with tulips, pizza and cake.

when lady gaga and a lady with a scarf

are at your show cheering for you.

surprising you just to see the look on your face.

when your dad tells you

that you're different than the rest.

and he believes in you when you forget how.

when one of your closest friends is getting married and you can't even

begin to explain to her how happy you are for them.

seeing your sister become a mom.

naturally amazing at it.

i laugh a lot

and am loved a lot.

that is all.

amen.

Concrete jungle where dreams are made of...

2010-03-30T06:52:00.000-07:00

new york.
now this is obviously not my first time
working here.
and some of my best friends live here.
so i feel i get to make this observation.
new yorkers.
don't make eye contact.
especially on the train.
now it might be deadly to do so.
and i know we're all very close to each other so
it might be awkward.
but why look at the ground?

this is one of the biggest cities in the world.
with definitely some of the most unique people
from every which corner of this planet.
and you want to walk around with an ipod
and look at your dirty shoes?
you're missing it.
you pay high city taxes so take advantage.
observe.
smile at someone.
it might freak them out a bit, trust me i've had a few people think i'm weird.
but why miss it?
why in the biggest most diverse city
would you want people to leave you alone?
why would you not want to notice people.
know where they're going?
why they aren't wearing pants and just a leotard with leopard print tights. (true story)
why does this city insist on keeping it's cool?
everyone wants to be cool and accepted
yet they don't even look at people.
i'm going to crack it
i'm going to change it.
haha
i might get hit with a purse because someone thinks i'm creepy.
but i'm going to figure it out.

and it's pouring here today.
pouring.
im staying in jersey with aggie.
oh yeah and carrie.
so to get to the city.
i take a bus.
then a train.
so i read and do a lot of people watching.
and it makes me laugh.
we all look like wet dogs.
pathetic.
walking in rain.
a car drove by me as i was waiting for the bus.
and i was about an inch from getting drenched with a lot of dirty water.
bahahah i laughed.
my bus driver laughed at me when i got on.
in rain boots.
a hoodie covering my wet curly hair.
makes me laugh.
today is a good rain day.

in family news....
my mom hit a deer last night.
mama frail is ok don't worry.
car...ehh not so much.
but deer as kat said are "night ninjas"
they come out of no where and usually win.
so as i'm schlupping my wet self to work in my kelly green and pink rain boots.
i can't help but smile.
because last night could have gone a lot different
and mom had some angels watching her.
and so today I have been blessed.
and it's worth smiling over.

and...someone is about to be 2!!!

funny story

2010-03-09T08:02:00.000-08:00

so i totally forgot to tell anyone this story.

how did that happen?

i love to tell stories.

and this one is sooo funny

well to me it is.

so my dear dear friend amanda and i

were spending a lovely day

in brentwood last weekend

church.

platos closet.

subway.

hike.

church.

soo we're at the hiking portion of our day.

and i decide to go walking in a neighborhood

that i used to live near.

so we pick a random road to park on.

of course i park on the most steep hill i can find.

my car starts rolling.

we laugh.

i move my car up the street a bit.

as i'm pulling up the hill.

i see them.

hoodlums.

4 kids.

one girl walking.

one boy walking/skipping.

one boy on rollerblades.

one big boy on a motorized scooter too small for him.

they see us.

we look at each other.

"those kids look like trouble!"

we laugh.

we should have gone with our instincts.

we sit in our car to change our shoes.

and these kids huddle up.

start talking and looking at us.

they roll, walk and scoot by us.

stare us down.

we look at each other and laugh.

"haha did those kids just stare us down"

we continue to change.

they continue to roll walk and scoot by us again.

rollerblader rolls by us twice.

hands in the pocket of his hand-me-down stone washed jeans.

like he's not up to anything at all?!! haha

at this point we're getting a tad nervous.

"could they attack us?"

we laugh some more.

nervously.

then they go by again

to the house behind our car

to the garage

at this point

not going to lie

we're nervous.

amanda says "let's just move your car"

haha we're laughing so hard we're about to pee

I say "really, they're like 9?"

"yeah, just pick another road. These kids are about to attack!"

ha we laugh.

stare the kids down.

surely two adults can win in a stare down.

but i can tell amanda is nervous so i decide to move.

we have to drive past them to get off the street.

amanda puts on sunglasses to avoid eye contact.

they come running out of the garage.

towards my car.

two have fake guns.

one has a sword.

hahaha A SWORD.

and i kid you not.

both of the little brats with guns

PULLED the trigger.

like if it was real

they would have shot us.

we laughed so hard.

it wasn't in our head

they were going to shoot at us

and kid on the scooter that was too small for him

was going to cut us with his plastic sword.

we went and parked somewhere else.

and you better believe when we had to walk past their road.

amanda was really scared.

haha ok we both were.

we walked a little bit faster past those brats house.

who are we kidding.

we were those brats.

life is funny.

that's all.

kids love me.

make eye contact people.

2010-03-03T08:55:00.000-08:00

morning friends.

so the past few days have been so fun.

i've just gotten to be around some fun people.

i've gotten to drive a 8'6" blue van

into a 8'6" parking garage.

i've been blessed to wear a "happy birthday" crown

all day to celebrate a friends birthday.

then go off to run an errand with it on my head.

twice.

and i've really gotten to be around some interesting characters.

i'm a huge people watcher.

i always have been.

i remember mr. beck telling us at wzip.

to watch people, if you just watch their actions

you can learn more from them

than anything they could ever tell you.

i love it.

you find out who always leads.

who always looks for guidance.

people who walk fast.

those who are always in the middle.

and people who are too cool to even look up.

or they look so far up and over others heads.

real cool.

i'm going to share something my mama told me.

i know i've told some people but i think it's important.

so i'm going to tell it again.

she said that if you like a guy, don't just look at how he treats you.

look at how he treats others.

so look at how he treats his family. mom. sisters. grandma.

and then she said.

look at how he treats people that he doesn't even know.

waiters.

cab drivers.

the janitor at work.

does he snub them?

does he make eye contact?

does he even say hello?

she says that is a sign.

anyone can be nice to someone that is their boss.

someone they want to impress.

but how do they treat the people that most people ignore?

and mama.

i have watched ever since.

not just guys.

friends.

other strangers.

it's just eye contact

it's just learning someones name.

the janitor Deborah from the Ryman.

it's smiling

saying have a great day.

letting someone know you appreciate them.

and you are in this world with them

we're all in this together.

we all need a "have a good".

we're all human people.

think about it.

if you're rude or ignore your door man.

you're only one person that does that.

imagine how many people a day pretend their not there?

come on.

when did we all start walking around pretending we don't see people.

when did we all get too cool?

take your eyes up from your iphone

and say "hope you have a blessed day"

my friend and i were talking yesterday.

when did it get cool to look like you don't see someone?

i love nashville.

i LOVE it.

but that's one thing i really hate.

a lot of people are trying soooo hard to look like someone.

they forget to be a kind person.

they forget to smile at people.

they forget to look at people that they don't have to look at.

they forget to TAKE THEIR SUNGLASSES OFF INSIDE.

hahahha

did your mom teach you manners?

if she didn't, go to lima ohio.

and i have a mom that will show you.

my grandma and aunts will teach you too.

plus it will do your heart wonders when you see that person smile

back at you.

they'll probably be in almost shock

that you said hello.

i don't get mad often.

but this is something that will get me fired up.

we need to stop.

trying to isolate ourselves.

love.

go ahead.

do something you think "i don't have to do that!"

do it anyways.

i promise.

it will only start a ripple of something good.

did you find out the name of the waitress at lunch today?

just tell her thank you.

or did you pretend not to see her?

i challenge you.

ok here is something else funny that happened yesterday at work.

i was driving to lowe's and threw my gum out on the high way.

and i pull up to the store.

mentally preparing to get lost in the store

and look dumb not being able to find anything.

and i look out my window.

see it?

THAT'S MY GUM.

on my window.

karma?

ha I shouldn't throw it out the window.

hahaha

i laughed sooo hard in the parking lot.

i'm special.

sing a song. pass it on.

2010-02-22T08:27:00.000-08:00

i like music.

i like to share.

it's almost spring.

and music and spring go together

like peanutbutter and jelly.

so here are some songs.

you should know.

enjoy.

who i am is not just me.

there is so much more to love

than black and white.

when all my faith is gone.

you bring it back to me.

Dear John Doe

2010-02-17T08:30:00.000-08:00

Everyone has them.

Family pictures from vacations.

And there is that one random person in the background.

picking their nose

or they have a wedgie.

And no matter how good the picture is of your family

that's the person everyone notices

and laughs at

that random person in that picture.

wonder how many other peoples pictures you're in.

you're that random person.

Or we all tell stories that include strangers.

"I was driving to work today and some jerk cut in front of me!"

We've all (sadly) been that jerk in someone's story to their family, we just don't hear about it.

"I was having the hardest day and the receptionist at my dentist office gave me a compliment, totally made my day!"

We've all (hopefully) been that "receptionist" in someone's story as well.

Well I flew home yesterday and my dog Kat picked me up from the airport.

We go get subway and head to my house to eat before she goes back to work.

All of you have been to my house.

You know the story.

My screen door handle is broken and I've been too busy (and slightly lazy) to fix it.

It would take zero time and spare me the embarrassment of being broken if i'd just fix it.

I laughed when we walked in and said "I swear, this week, I'm going to fix it!"

So we eat lunch.

She goes to work.

I'm feeling sick.

so I take a nap.

I wake up to a text from Kat.

"someone will be stopping by soon with a surprise"

Then she text me

"they already stopped by and left you a surprise!!!"

yayayayaya

So I run to the door like a Kid running to their presents on Christmas.

Ok like me, a grown adult on Christmas.

And I see nothing.

No present.

No card.

Huh.

Im getting ready to walk inside and I notice.

Oh. My. Gosh.

Someone fixed my door handle.

What? How? Who? huh?

I immediately text her back

"who was it? did they just stop by and I missed them?"

She said "it's someone you know. call this number, don't text and leave a message saying thank you!"

And I'm asking "who is it? who do I ask for? what is going on?"

i call.

no answer

just a voicemail.

it's john leave a message.

a true john doe.

I ask her who, is it someone I know?

And she said "they want to be john doe for now. Just be thankful!"

Ok first.

I'm a curious person.

soooo this becomes a game for me.

but I will not dig FOR NOW and try and figure it out.

I just want to say thanks.

it also made me think.

when was the last time i was a jane doe?

i think i've done a lot of nice things for people.

but when was the last thing i did something random and didn't take the pat on the back?

someone went out of the their way, fixed my door and didn't even want the thank you in person?

when was the last time you did that?

sent someone a kind note with no return address?

left someone a present at work?

told someones boss that this person was helpful and great at their job?

so many times i think we look to do good to get that pat on that back.

to get the "you're awesome, you rock!"

i think we should be john doe more often.

be that random person

that makes a girl at timber drive.

tear up on her door step.

because someone came out in the cold.

to fix a door handle.

i love my job.

2010-01-28T14:35:00.000-08:00

i'm in warm miami.

love it.

so good to see these people.

great to wear a tank top in the winter.

so you might say "i would love your job too!"

but let me explain.

being on the road is different.

you live in a suitcase.

which means you learn to live with wrinkles.

you wear closed toed shoes most of the time.

hence my obsession with chucks.

you usually have some sort of dirt on your face.

you learn NEVER to eat out of the large jar of

peanut butter at craft service.

you just meet the most random and unique people ever.

everyone from all walks of life.

all ages. all states. they become someone you look forward to seeing.

these become friends and family members that you grow to love.

you love them because no one outside of the show could ever understand our job.

they know that a 12 hr work day is a short day.

they know that a golf cart is a hot commodity and will get stolen if a key is left in it.

they ride in a 15 pass van singing alicia keys with you.

they know that your outfit is fashioned around your credential and walkie.

and when we're totally exhausted, they laugh at everything and everything is an inside joke.

you want to know the truth?

my job is not glamorous.

it's just not.

even when i'm in that dressing room.

in a dress and heels.

it's far from what you think.

so when you ask me what i do.

who i've met.

don't be offended if i don't list off the people that take the stage.

because the people that matter to me.

the reason i LOVE my job.

are the people that make the show happen.

the people that built that stage.

that designed the lights.

the ones that put everyone on a plane and got them here.

you what to know why i love my job?

ask me about the people i get to work with.

so when you say to me

"you're lucky, you have a cool job"

thanks.

but know why you're saying it.

it's not because i do what i do.

it's because i do it with the most amazing people i think you'd ever have the pleasure of meeting.

the people that learned how to drive fork lifts with me.

the people that have hauled tables and chairs all over the compounds.

the people that i've CRIED and screamed with over stupid things like

food.

copiers.

late talent.

travel.

so when you're having thoughts of what you want to do.

wishing your job was different.

know that it's never going to be greener on the other side.

there isn't a perfect job for someone.

every job has it's ups and down.

but just realize.

it's not what you do.

it's who is around you.

here is a picture from my trailer.

a little piece of what i'm seeing.

lovely.

dear love, i love you.

2010-01-20T15:44:00.000-08:00

i feel like writing about love.

don't roll your eyes at me.

it's my blog and i'll do what i want.

i love love.

mom, i'm not in love so stop wondering who i'm talking about.

i just love love.

here are things that make me love love.

when i was a kid i used to love the "hot 8 at 8"

it was on the radio station 92 zoo in lima ohio :)

they would play the top 8 songs and people would call in and dedicate them for people.

they would say "this is bobby and i want to send this out to the love of my life lisa. she sits by me in science!"

i would always listen for my name, in hopes someone would declare their love for me on the station.

music.

i love sappy sappy songs.

the ones that most people turn off when they're on the radio.

"true" george strait

"somethings come over me" ernie halter

"always be my baby" mariah

"forever and ever, amen" randy travis

plenty more but those are some favs.

holding hands.

i love holding hands.

it's a bold move guys.

grabbing the girls hand.

i love it.

it's cute.

no guy is trying to be slick with a hand hold.

it's just cute.

dancing.

sorry fellas.

i know you hate it.

but nothing makes me laugh, smile and adore life more than dancing.

the thought of someone thinking of you.

think about it.

of all the crushes and relationships you've had.

all the times you've sat up and thought of someone.

they've thought of you too.

people you'll never know.

have thought of ways to make you smile.

make you theirs.

love it.

4th of july.

i love valentines too.

all the pink and chocolate.

but there is something about the 4th of july.

fireworks.

baseball.

pool parties.

watermelon.

it makes me love relationships.

and this past week some things happened.

that made me question love.

stupid i know.

but then i remember why i love love.

and i remember not to settle.

not to stop believing in sappy songs and cheesy movies.

not to quit wanting someone to hold my hand.

never to lose hope that someone would risk something.

risk something for you to smile their way.

ok i'm done.

i've put a little more love back out into the world.

your turn.

it's just a hat

2010-01-06T08:09:00.000-08:00

i had a lovely night last night with the girls.

we went to sushi yobi and laughed a lot.

eban our waiter thought we were cool.

kind of.

on my way into the restaurant i saw one of my favorite people in nashville.

diane.

most of you have seen her.

she sits on the bench on demonbreun.

across the street from the restaurant.

if you've ever talked to her she'll tell you she's not homeless.

she'll also tell you it's her job to clean up the parking lot.

sometimes i've driven by and she's actually cleaning it up.

my old roommate janelle and i always loved seeing her there.

she has tall boots on

a hat.

and she always looks happy.

when diane isn't there i get worried.

at night she goes somewhere but by sun up she's always there.

i've talked to her a few times.

honestly, she's so nice.

there is just something about her.

last night takes the cake.

we're talking and she goes

"you need a hat!"

and she continues to tell me i'm going to get sick.

then we go off into random talk about conditioning our hair.

she says vaseline does wonders, hmm i'll have to try it.

anyways, i had to get going but as i'm leaving she goes

"let me give you my hat, so you don't get sick!"

i'm confused, "what did you say?"

"let me give you my hat, it will match your scarf and keep you warm."

speechless.

and that's rare for me.

diane.

who is homeless.

wants to give me a gift.

her hat.

she sits out in the cold all day.

and she wants to give it to me.

i have spent all week worried about life and the future.

and i know this was God.

totally showing me what is important.

this woman has put me in my place.

showing me what it's all about.

we want more and more and more.

i don't have money to give to others.

money is tight.

need a rug.

need the matching shower curtain.

and then diane.

has nothing.

but some boots. a hat. a panda bear. and lots of love.

and wants to give that away.

you think you would do that if you were her?

or would you be bitter that you were homeless?

are you bitter now and you're not homeless?

i have more than 90% of the WORLD and i still struggle to give.

diane has so little and gives it all away.

please take it like i did.

an act of love.

one little act of love.

can go a long way.

it's just a hat.

but to that woman.

it was like she gave me her faith and love.

in a hat.

say hi to her when you see her.

she may not be homeless, who knows.

she might be the light to open your eyes.

just ask me.

2009-12-29T11:12:00.000-08:00

i decided to edit my facebook.

take off all the personal info.

music. movies. hanging out tips.

gone.

i think we've all become too dependent on facebook.

it tells us everything about our friends.

we don't even need to talk anymore.

facebook updates us on anything and everything we need to know.

it shows us pictures of everyones weekend.

keeps us updated on their every move.

reminds us of birthdays (I am thankful for that)

basically facebook does all the work for us.

we don't have to get to know each other anymore.

ask me what my favorite movie is.

ask me what i like to sing to on the radio.

ask me what i do for fun.

if you really want to know me,

if you really want to figure out what makes me smile,

ask me.

Moving on.

My Christmas was a blast.

Here it is in a picture.

Everyone, meet my cousins.

there are 12 of us.

ranging in age from 28-15.

we're all different.

but we all have a bit of sarcasm in us.

some more than others :)

anyways, we're ranked, in order of favorite.

I proudly wear #6.

I'm pretty sure my real number is lower, but I will take a 6.

our parents wanted a nice picture of us.

we decided to pretend we're sleeping.

we're cool.

here's to 2010

2009-12-16T10:03:00.000-08:00

I've starting to think about my new years resolutions.

I am already super nice, sweet, honest, and in tip top shape so those are all out :)

there are a lot of things i don't want to lose.

every generation is different from the last, but there are some things i hope we keep passing on.

i'm making this my new years resolution.

that's right.

me.

lindsay frail.

will keep these traditions alive.

one I think I'm going to do is talk on the phone more.

it's not that i don't like talking, i do.

it's just i don't make time for it.

i'm usually with people or too busy until my size 7 3/8 head hits the pillow

(i know, that's a large head)

but i think it's important to hear peoples voices.

hear their emotions.

too much texting. too many emails. we're losing touch.

i will write more letters and notes.

who doesn't love to get mail?

or a note on your car?

letters are words that are said that we can keep

and reread.

dancing. i love dancing.

in the kitchen, in the living room. out in the middle of the restaurant.

it's fun and who cares what others think.

i want to dance.

i don't have a dance partner yet.

i am taking applications.

hugging.

i like to hug.

strangers.

friends.

human touch.

homemade.

we buy everything already made.

we let others make it all.

food. i was raised on everything homemade.

i can cook. well i can learn to cook.

gifts.

i'm going to start making gifts from scratch.

i was a girl scout.

i can do this.

those are just a few, i'm going to think of more.

that's my plan.

hahahahahahah I hate seeing her sad but this picture rocks. classic. Santa is thinking " I don't get paid NEAR enough for this!" I love the caption at the bottom , "seasons greetings", right, that's what this picture says.

I get to babysit her for three whole days next week, if that isn't a Christmas present I don't know what is. love her.

how to clean the leaves 101

2009-12-03T15:04:00.000-08:00

i like to jog in dc.

it's our nations capitol

it is indeed a well kept city.

however, the leaves.

let's talk leaves, they apparently don't like leaves here.

i pass approximately 20 people every morning "getting rid" of the leaves.

They use two different methods:

First method- leaf blower

grown men.

a leaf blower strapped to their back.

to move one leaf at a time.

maybe two.

across the sidewalk.

then they go back and get another one.

method number two- the hose

yep, hose.

water. LOTS of water.

this method can move about ten leaves at a time.

no worries on the world running out of water.

as long as we get rid of the leaves in front of 7-11.

i chuckle every morning.

they have to know this is a waste of time.

big waste of time.

get. a. broom.

get. the. job. done.

the end.

can't wait to get back to Nashville. oh how I miss everyone.

a picture for you.

carrie and i wen't shopping in georgetown.

i have a big head.

it didn't fit.

awesome.

i won't skip thanksgiving this year.

2009-11-14T05:37:00.001-08:00

i love this time of year.

i love the anticipation of Christmas.

25 days of Christmas is about to start.

almost a month till we get to watch "a Christmas story"

12 times in a row.

im one of those people

that starts listening to Christmas music in july.

and i was talking to a friend

and he said "but what about thanksgiving, don't miss thanksgiving!"

he's right.

im a thanksgiving skipper.

i love it, don't get me wrong.

but 6 months out of my year is Christmas themed. it's true.

so this year i will embrace thanksgiving

i will put my favorite turkey sweater on.

i'm sure there is a thanksgiving movie i can watch

i will have to write a thanksgiving song.

something about the pilgrams and their sweet outfits.

everything sweet potato.

err wait..that already happens.

but thanksgiving here i come.

most of all i will be thankful.

i will be thankful for every blessing i've been given.

yesterday was a tough day.

and as im riding in the the aaa truck with kevin my aaa man.

and on the verge of tears.

i start telling him about all my blessings.

haha it was all i could do from crying

in a tow truck.

with a 7' tall man.

all i could do was tell him my blessings.

i know it's cheesy

but it's my blog and i can do what i want.

i'm thankful.

almost everyday i don't know how it happened

i did nothing to deserve them

but God has blessed me.

my family. they rock. they've taught me what it is to love.

thick and thin. they never quit.

i have friends that seriously i would do anything for.

and Lord knows have picked me up when i wanted to quit.

laughter.

i get to laugh a lot and that is a true gift.

and hope.

some call me crazy, most call me crazy actually.

but this hope, this never ending "anything can happen, i can do anything" hope.

i have hope.

i have more blessings than you have time to read.

but it's important to stop and say thanks.

even if you skip thanksgiving

because you think you're an elf.

happy thanksgiving!

medium this.

2009-10-20T10:12:00.000-07:00

i had coffee with my lovely friend kels this morning.

and i always order a medium coffee.

this reminded me of a conversation i had with a friend of mine.

he said, "you know, there are studies about people who order mediums.

people who order 'mediums', fries, medium rare, drinks, they're said to be indecisive and a follower? They say people who like medium are people pleasers and don't want to take a stand."

haha i'll show you a medium.

i like medium.

i stand by my medium.

small doesn't make it.

i like the taste.

i want more than a sip.

large makes my tummy hurt.

and i end up wasting.

i'm going green when i order my medium.

i don't like to waste.

so really i'm saving the world.

i like to take the medium slice of cake.

the reason is because if you take the large.

you're a selfish heffer.

ha heffer. i like that word. anyways.

if you take the little one.

you'll always wish you had a bit more.

haha be honest.

i wear a medium shirt.

i can't help this.

i guess if i would take that large piece of cake.

i could end up wearing a large shirt;) haha

anyways. here is to all people who like "medium"

large people are jealous because they have to have it all.

and smalls well they're just pretending that small is enough.

we're not followers.

we're just the people who order exactly what they want.

hahah speaking of cake.

here is a fun photo.

my dad would kill me if he knew i put this up.

but i think they look beautiful.

one word.

blue.

sometimes you bring out my temper.

2009-10-18T19:51:00.001-07:00

i'm mad.

i'm upset.

mad.

at myself.

and others.

that i love.

that chose to quit.

if you quit.

if you decide you just want to go with the flow.

that hurts me.

it hurts others.

i know it's easy.

to just do what every other person is doing.

it's easy to do what feels good.

but life isn't meant to be easy.

and by you settling.

it's more than just you.

my heart.

breaks for you.

i know what you are.

and it seems you gave up on that.

you gave up on being the amazing person that i know you are.

we all want it to make sense.

we all want it to be black and white.

we want easy.

but guess what?

grow up.

it's not.

try.

try to be something someone can look up too.

and when you fall.

because we all are human.

you'll fall.

daily.

get up.

move on.

learn.

grow.

crap you make me mad.

i'm not perfect.

FAARRRR FROM IT.

you're not perfect.

but that doesn't mean you can just quit.

life is meant to be fun too.

and love.

LOVE.

it's meant to have love.

yourself.

others.

believe you deserve it.

believe that others feel it too.

no one can love you if you quit loving yourself.

im mad that you just let yourself off easy.

you're better than that.

ok enough venting.

i'm going to go watch some cheers.

the theme song.

reminds me of my parents.

i just remember it on at my house when i was a kid.

makes me happy.

the. end.

and I think it's very dangerous if we do not take what's ours....

2009-10-17T08:11:00.000-07:00

packing.

i'm very bad at packing.

4 years in one house.

i've collected a lot of junk.

show binders.

credentials.

halloween costumes.

intramural jerseys.

pictures.

lots of pictures.

mr. narwahl.

haha so packing what needs to be packed.

trying not to cry at the stuff going to goodwill.

so i've got my ipod jamming.

mostly Christmas music.

but some songs slip in.

like this one.

the lyrics rock my socks off.

i love this version because she's wearing sunglasses.

inside.

everyone knows how i feel about this.

silly.

anywho.

the song is "gray or blue" by jaymay.

"don't second guess your feelings, you were right from the start"

it's about following your gut.

believing you deserve what was made for you.

and going for it.

love it.

smart car=happy lindsay

2009-10-02T05:40:00.000-07:00

So i was driving yesterday.

and kind of busy

and thinking of a million things.

giving myself heartburn

the usual

anyways

God must have known i needed to laugh.

because what drives by me

but a smart car.

hahaha

seriously people

i love them.

love like i love my sister.

ok maybe not that much love.

i had tears in my eyes

they just don't look like they belong on the road.

they look like they belong in the backyard

with my 18 month old niece driving it.

but they make me smile so much.

and of course it was the tallest man with his head touching the roof.

do people know that they look like they're driving a toy?

i don't care.

keep buying cars that are too small for you.

because it makes me laugh and smile.

and that's what's important.

laughing.

good day.

gold and blue.

2009-09-27T18:22:00.000-07:00

i loved college.

loved university of akron.

zip for life.

sure our sports weren't apart of the big ten.

but it was our school.

big enough to meet new people.

but just getting off the ground enough to run it.

bye bye bob's.

hello huuuge stadium

we have a new stadium.

they basically squashed all our favorite hang out places.

put this bad boy directly on top.

if you look in the bottom right hand corner.

basically underneath the stadium.

you'll see my sorority house.

ha the stadium is a tad out of place.

but i'm happy for it.

happy for the new students.

i hope you love it like i loved it.

i hope you toilet paper houses.

go paint the rock.

paint the rock right after someone else did ;)

gain the freshman 20 (or 30)

i hope you learn when to go eat at the cafeteria

(whenever the football and baseball team eats) ;)

i hope you cookout and play volleyball all summer.

be a student orientation leader.

sure it's nerdy.

but it'll be the best summer ever.

listen to wzip.

be proud that it's the number ONE college radio station in the country.

lay out on the lawn.

even though it's ohio and you'll never get a tan.

play intramurals.

even if the other team rips your sweatpants off in the middle of the game.

play hard.

go greek.

get involved.

it's only 4 years (or 7 for some)

love it all.

she can make anyone smile.

2009-09-20T17:12:00.000-07:00

name- Dylan maranto

age- Almost 1 1/2 years old! wow

eye color- brown eyed girl

hair- ha as if you could miss it

job- making the world a better place.

my brother in law's mom donna sent these, and they made my life.

i didn't know you could love someone this much.

funny thing is she makes so many peoples life that much brighter.

she has no idea that she is the smile of so many days.

First one, just chillin like a villian.

next.

lunch break. i mean what?

everyone eats with their hands.

and wears it.

even with food all over. no one can resist the smile.

hahaha please notice the hair.

hahahah and this one.

first off.

i stand by the thought of a musical prodigy.

second.

the.hair.is.amazing.

i can't not laugh.

she rocks.

I wanted to share with everyone.

i hope she makes you smile too.

Lil' Frail in the houuuseee

2009-09-19T10:43:00.000-07:00

So I love this show.

I've been laughing so hard.

me on a hip hop show.

i'm learning a lot.

haha to say the least.

we all came up with our own hip hop names.

I'm lil' frail.

i've got another story.

of nyc vs. lindsay

so c pad and I were riding on the subway the other day.

and we weren't sure which stop was our venue stop.

so anyone that has ever rode the train, knows the doors don't stay open long.

so we stop, and she decides we should get off there.

she walks off.

the door starts shutting.

i was not about to stick my arm in it.

carrie looks back

i stare in confusion.

i try to open it with my finger (like that would work)

and out of instinct, yell "carrrriieeee"

ahha and realize what i just yelled like a child, we start laughing.

she is standing on the dock as it pulls away.

im standing in the train.

laughing. uncontrollably.

i turn around and EVERYONE on the train is laughing.

i couldn't believe i got stuck on the train.

and then yelled like a little girl.

haha laughed the whole ride.

when i got to the venue.

we were crying laughing.

haha the little things.

we're special sometimes.

here is the view from my hotel.

tribeca.

so cute.

miss my nashville.

see you next friday.

trust yourself.

2009-09-06T17:59:00.000-07:00

I'm in Harlem.

I like saying that.

It makes me feel brave for some reason.

Like, this little small town girl, is staying in Harlem and is Still alive.

VICTORY!!!!

I must say I love it.

I go running by the river.

there is a church next door.

You can hear the sermon and the singing.

It is a great city, truly.

sure makes me miss nashville though.

Last weekend we went to Raleigh.

So fun.

We laughed and sang and danced at concerts.

Visited old friends.

Made new friends.

And we also watched city of angels.

one part.

hit hard.

I loved it.

Seth: You're an excellent doctor.
Maggie: How do you know?
Seth: I have a feeling.
Maggie: That's pretty flimsy evidence.
Seth: Close your eyes. It's just for a moment.
[touches her hand]
Seth: What am I doing?
Maggie: You're... touching me.
Seth: Touch. How do you know?
Maggie: Because, I feel it.
Seth: You should trust that. You don't trust it enough.

I loved it.

How often do we go against our feelings?

Just because something isn't PHYSICALLY there.

is it wrong?

feelings are never wrong, correct?

You feel what you feel?

they may not be easy or fit into your life.

but they are real.

I think sometimes we search for approval.

we want to be "right"

not to be called foolish.

wait for the right timing.

what if we didn't?

what if we went with what we felt and just had faith the rest would fall into place?

Too many scared people.

afraid to be what they feel.

terrified to love who they have feelings for.

It's almost like we're all OK with being the same.

In fact, we LONG to be the same.

Same size, same outfit, same home.

B.O.R.I.N.G.

It's like we're afraid to be anything above average.

Why, because we might have to take a step alone?

Take a step in the dark.

Risk something on someone, with out knowing what will be?

Just go.

on feelings and not what "makes sense"

As kat would say "go team nike".

Just do it.

That's all on that.

they are real.

this is a picture of Lara and I bowling.

it makes me happy.

she makes me smile.