Wednesday, June 16, 2010

it's ok to be just ok

when people ask "hey! how are you?!"
most people respond "I'm well, how about you?!"

when my friend Krystal asked me i said
"uhhhh i'm ok. i mean good, i'm good!"
she said to me "it's ok to be just ok lindsay"
i loved it.

don't get me wrong.
i'm a very happy person.
very blessed.
but i want to be honest about something.
i'm not always happy.
i may be an optimist.
i try and find the light in everything.
but that doesn't mean i don't want to cut someone.
haha inside joke, i wouldn't really cut someone :)
that doesn't mean i don't get mad or sad.
it just means i think it's important to try and find happy.

so i feel like saying.
to you.
it's ok to be ok.

i think if there is something i've learned in the past year of soul searching.

it's this.

it's ok to look weak.
it's ok to let your closest friends in.
and see you struggle.
and to trust that they will not hold it against you.

it's ok to miss someone you barely know.
it's ok to feel connected to someone just because you liked the way they smiled at you.
it's ok to feel crazy that you think about someone.
based on just a feeling and nothing else.
it's ok to want someone near you.
to feel like you are connected.
even if you barely know them.

it's ok to feel completely lost in the world.
like you don't even fit in.
it's ok to just put on a smile sometimes.
because trying to explain the reason why you're not smiling is too hard.

it's ok to make mistakes.
it's ok to change your mind
1000 times.

it's ok to be speechless around someone.
even though you're the girl that can talk to a tree stump.
it's ok if you never make sense around him.
because he makes you that nervous.
and it's ok to believe someday the words will come.
it's ok to write songs about how you feel because it's easier than speaking the words.

it's ok to move hundreds of miles away.
because you want to be with the boy you love.
and then end up missing your friends terribly.
it's ok to change your mind or be confused.
it's ok to cry to your friends about it and know that you will never be replaced.

i'm not saying it's ok to be angry all the time.
it's not ok to be mean.
but i am saying that if you're doing it right.
if you're truly soul searching.
truly listening to your feelings and life.

you're not going to be ok all the time.
you're going to get lost.
you're going to feel really out of place and stupid sometimes.
you're going to cry and feel alone.

so i guess if you're doing it right.
you're going to feel "just ok" sometimes.