Thursday, June 20, 2013

How do you know?

How do you know?

People use that question a lot.
in big life decisions 
and especially in love
"How did you know which college to go to?"
"Which Job is the right one for me?"
"How did you know they were the one?" 
"How do you know which way God is pointing you?"
sometimes we just want advice
sometimes we use it to weigh out the options
and sometimes we just use it out of worry
worry of making the wrong choice.
I was thinking about this question today
and my mind went to my brother
I know I know..I talk about him a lot
but guess what..
he's awesome and you should know him

he was always good at sports
he was born good at baseball
he had a trainer in middle school that told him he could go far
college and maybe further
if he worked really hard he could do it
zach's response....

"ehhhh maybe."

and soon after that
he stopped playing
ohhh i could have hurt him
hurrrtt him
haha he was so good at it..
he liked it
but he didn't love it
just liked it
so he quit

my mind went to the obvious,
"you're excellent at baseball and you like it and could play in college...dude come on!!"
it was obvious to me..but to him it was
he just liked it. didn't love it.
then came his senior year of high school
and he called me and asked me to support him
uhhhh ohhhh
what did he do now?

and then he said 
"i'm going to join the marines. I don't need you worrying, I need you of all people to be the one to support me, the one to cheer me on!"

i immediately started tearing up
i couldn't help it,they just came out
i just sat there
then asked
and he said "I've just always wanted to. it's right for me. I've always wanted to, it's in my heart"
and i just sat there
i wanted to smile..and say yes...i really did
but i just kind of sat there
then he said "plus i need your help..I need to learn how to run a mile and a half in 10 mins"

haha then I just laughed
at the thought of us both running that fast
and then said "OK I will help you"

and that was it.

from that day forward
i knew..i knew it was the right career for him
i didn't say "zach think this over...zach this is dangerous..."
i had chosen to support him
run with him
run next to him
put my feelings aside and encourage him

now don't get me wrong
plenty of times he's made dumb decisions
and i'm the first one there to tell him
i'm usually the first to give him my opinion
haha but this time
i knew to support him
because for the first time
i saw something in him
i saw zach experience passion

he was good at a lot of things
he liked a lot of things
but this was the first time i saw him pushing himself
running and working out and disciplining himself
every time I went home I saw a new Zach
he didn't pick the easy choice
he didn't go where his friends were going
he picked what his heart felt
and he was pushing himself towards it
and now he's that marine he pictured himself being

and it's not easy for him
and some days i know he thinks "oy vey i wish i would have picked something easier"
but his passion
his hard work
that makes me know he choose the right thing
he just knew
and i love that he followed the path less chosen and followed the path for him
he knew and followed that with out looking back.

when i was younger i thought "knowing" was black and white
open door vs. close door

and yes God is obvious
but the more I walk with Him
i'm realizing "what's right" usually isn't the one with the
"I'm the one sign"
it's usually the one that scares me
it's usually the one that looks absolutely the hardest
that's usually how I know it's where i'm supposed to go next
haha not because God is a mean God
not at all and I will admit that I used to think that
that it was all a punishment because I was a sinner

but no..not because of that
usually it's the path less traveled
not because He wants to show us we're strong
but i think He puts the things we're meant to do
or the ones we're meant to love
in the middle of really tough places
to show us it's Him and His plan only
nothing we planned
and that it's worth it
to show me
it was all Him
all from Him and to run towards it

I asked my dear friend Sadie recently to pray for clarity of a situation
and she said "nope,  I'm not praying for clarity for you..I'm praying for you to trust Him...where ever he takes matter how hard it looks that you follow and trust."
haha talk about a friend.
she was exactly right
hear His voice
Go where it almost seems impossible
trust He placed it on your heart
and trust He is already in the middle of it all...ready to guide you right in the middle of it

see the more I grow
the more I realize if it's right
He's not going to walk you around it
most likely it's not going to be this simple thing
most likely He'll use that passion
that glimpse of extraordinary
and walk you right through
what you think is too hard to do
and show you what you're meant to do
what is right is usually that thing you can't imagine ever having the courage to face
but you face it anyways
or that person that makes your heart beat a million miles a minute
and you don't know why
and the thought of facing the rest of life with out them 
is heart breaking
so no matter how hard it looks
that..that heart beat
that passion
that's how i've learned it's usually Him 

I used to want easy
but the more I grow the more I realize
the things or people God is really calling us to
most of the time
look impossible
look impractical
look like a closed door
and yet our heart has passion
from Him
you'll be good at a lot of things
you'll like a lot of people
but run towards the thing that scares you
the person that seems too good to be true
follow that passion
His voice
trust that God has better than "like"
that God has better than "Good"
and trust you can't do it but that He already has
follow your heart beat when it's beating super fast
and Trust God placed that passion there on your heart

God give me strength to go where you call me to go
Lord give me strength to stand still when you have called me to stay
Please don't let me settle for anything less than your plan

Ephesians 3:20- God can do anything, you know - far more than you could ever imagine or guess or request in your wildest dreams! He does it not by pushing us around but by working within us, his Spirit deeply and gently within us. (The Message)