Friday, July 31, 2009

love when you don't feel like loving....

just a little bit more.
just put in more effort.

im upset right now.
i'm upset at myself.
i'm upset at people close to me. 

please, I beg of you whatever you are. 
a friend. 
a family member. 
a girlfriend. 
a boyfriend. 

i have a hard time when someone that is supposed to love me more than i'll ever know,
can only love me as much as they know how.
as much as they've been shown to love.
and for the life of me i can't understand why they can't try harder?
why when i tell them the most important thing of my week, they start talking about their dinner plans or laundry? 
why can't they just care like i need them to care? 
why is it only funny when it's funny to them, or important when it's important in their life? 
how can they only talk about what matters to them?

i am typing this as im upset.
and realizing..
we all are.
but i am not different than anyone else.
why not? 
why not try to be different?

just because i laugh at everything and love a lot of things,
i still can avoid situations i don't care much about.
i think we all need to step out of the "me"zone and it's all about "me" thing. 
when was the last time you listened to someone, TRULY listened to someone talk about something that had nothing to do with you.
their new boyfriend. their struggles at work.their struggles in love. their recent trips. and just truly cared. 
let them know that you were there, with them and hurt or excited with them?
when was the last time you HONESTLY supported someone in something they were going through. 
you didn't have to put your opinion in.
you didn't have to be right.
it didn't have to be important in your life.
you did it because you love the person that was involved in it. 
you listened to them talk about it for the 100th time because you don't want them to be alone?

i can say i have those people in my life that do that for me, and sometimes i might not be that person. so i guess when i realize someone important in my life can't care all the time either, that's ok. i need to keep trying with them.

if someone can't care as much as you need them to,
you keep trying you keep caring you keep being selfless. 
and i'm realizing that everyone has a different way of living. 
of loving. 

so laugh when someone needs you to laugh at their jokes.
cry when someone doesn't want to look like a fool crying alone.
listen even if you have a million things on your mind.
and even when you are mad or tired or have a million things on your own plate. just love even if you don't feel like it...

that's all i have.

oh and it's day 14 of the documentary. what a whirlwind.
emotional rollercoaster.
it's opening doors i never imagined.
people are already interested in hearing more about leaps of faith. 
God has moved janelle and i a lot in these 14 days.
can't wait to see where he takes us.

fun photo of the day.
my boss gave me the abominable snowman sticker.
it made me smile.
and some guy on an ostrich.

Sunday, July 19, 2009

you be harry...i'll be sally.

i'm a sap. i like romantic movies. 
one of my favorite movies is "when harry met sally". 
so great. 
i've seen it a 100 times. 
never gets old. 
well i watched it this weekend and i just stopped. 
truly stopped. 
i've always known that to get a great love you have to put pride aside and risk looking like a fool. but i guess i never really thought of humbling myself enough to actually do that. and at the end of the movie. she blows him off, she is not interested. harry starts calling her.
 2 times.
 5 times. 
20 times later, she picks up. 
then she says don't call anymore, hangs up. 
who would keep going? 
who would have kept going after 2 times? 
the book "he's just not that into you" would tell you to stop after 1 call...let alone 20.
if you would have asked your friends, they would have slapped you and told you that you look like an idiot. anyways, he then KEEPS GOING. 
he can't get her off her mind. so he then runs to her party, and tells her he loves her. 
she tells him NO.
tells her he loves her and says the famous line "when you realize you want to spend the rest of your life with someone, you want the rest of your life to start as soon as possible." 
and she realizes she loves him too. 
i know it's a movie. 
but i know people who have done that. 
have followed their instincts above all. 
above what makes sense to everyone else. above what should happen.
they follow their heart.
i don't know if i would do that.
i would say majority of us wouldn't.
people wonder why relationship don't work
marriages end.
maybe we need more of that?
why don't we risk looking foolish?
why do we care what others think of us?
why do we always have to look cool?

your friends don't have all the answers. 
your parents don't have the answers. 
the answer is in God. 
the answer is that feeling when they walk into the room.
that feeling of the wind being knocked out of you.
the answer is the huge smile on your face you can't wipe off.
when your hands shake and you can't find words to say to this person.
when you see this person, your nerves win and you can't do anything but stare at them.
it's that i can't let them walk out of here with out looking at them one more time feeling.
i can't go with out knowing them anymore feeling.
it's thinking "i don't care what others say, i have to get to know them."
that's rare, don't wait for the next time that comes.
it's not a common thing.
be harry.
for whatever reason your paths have crossed.
that's no small thing. 
it's not because this is a small town.
it's not because you have 100 mutual friends.
don't make it into something small. 
you ran into them in a world full of people. 
they make you nervous. 
they make you smile.
it doesn't mean you have to marry them.
just figure out why they make you scared and comfortable all at the same time.
figure out why you can't get them off your mind. 
the world needs more people who care about figuring out their gut. 
instead of just trying to figure out their money and career.
go big or go home.
that's all.

ending with my friends.
my friends are extremely funny. 
we all have a million things going on in our lives but we never run out of time to laugh. 
this next situation made me laugh sooo hard. 

this is kat.
she is standing outside of legends in nashville. 
her friends are standing inside.
she sees a random guy basically in awww of the keyboard player.
she thinks he looks like he needs a friend.
she goes outside to stand with him.
that my friends, is smiling at strangers.
it was hysterical yes, but also pretty cool.
for whatever reason he didn't want to come inside.
it was free.
and i bet he never thought someone would stand outside with him.
she made his night. 
a little effort can make a huge impact on someone elses life.
and also make for a great picture.

Sunday, July 12, 2009

lyrics in my life....

i love lyrics. i love that sometimes you feel like you're going through something NO ONE has ever gone through or thought. like the world is on our shoulders. and then you hear a song, and it hits you hard, gives you goosebumps. because hearing that song is proof that at least one other person has gone through what you're going through. and they survived. 

here are some i want to share. some that i love. it doesn't matter the song. doesn't matter the artist. what matters is that someone else has felt the same thing. 

--i thought i was doing it right bein' alone
i swore i'd never let somebody get close again
i was never gonna let my guard down, not for anyone
but there's a light in your eyes and it's got me movin' in
and tonight these walls are all comin' down
and my heart is open, i'm lettin' you in
cause you give me a reason
and the faith i've been needing to start again--

--slow to trust but i'm quick to love.
i push to hard and i give too much
i ain't saying i'm perfect.
but i'm saying i'm worth it.
now i'm standing here in front of you.
tell me boy, what are you gonna do?--

--cause you give me something.
that makes me scared, alright
this could be nothing
but i'm willing to give it a try
please give me something
cause someday i might know my heart--

--cause i'm not who i was
when i took my first step
and i'm clinging to the promise
you're not through with me yet
so if all of these trials
bring me closer to you
then i will walk through the fire
if you want me to--

--i wanna do something that matters
say something different
something that sets the whole world on it's ear
i wanna do something better, with the time i've been given
and i wanna touch a few hearts in this life
and leave nothing less than something that says
i was here--

--they say that time takes it's toll on a body
makes the young girls brown hair turn grey
honey i don't care, i'm not in love with your hair
if it all fell out, i'd love you anyways--

--i won't run when it looks like love
i can't spend another night alone
regretting what i've done
so i won't run--

--if you want to be happy for the rest of your life
never make a pretty woman your wife
go for my personal point of view
get an ugly girl to marry you--

fun photo of the day....

my mom as mother superior in the town musical. she can make all lyrics sound beautiful.

Monday, July 6, 2009

who is your emergency contact?

a lot is going on in life right now.
in my heart right now. 
a lot of growing and changing and learning how to act with your heart instead of just talking with your mouth. 
anyways, today i had to get a bunch of  "emergency contact" names and numbers for work.
now as a kid, of course it was always my parents.
in fact it still says joe and clarissa frail. 
but i just realized, it might be time to get a new emergency contact.
might be time to grow up.

saddest thing was a lot of people didn't have an emergency contact.
their parents had either past away, or no friends, no siblings, no marriage. 
just no one. 
what happens to those who get hurt and have no emergency contact?

then i thought, this was more than just for hospital reasons, this was for life.
what happens when we get hurt in life and we have no one there to help?
no one there to protect us when we're fragile?
what if we never let anyone close enough to know us better than we know ourselves? 
what happens when we get hurt and need saving? 
at the end of life, do you really want to have your "emergency contact" blank? 

and i think sometimes i get so scared of looking weak, i never let anyone take care of me. 
i'm strong.
i'm independent.
i'm a woman.
rooooarrr i can play sports.
haha seriously though.
when do we have to grow up and choose to let people help us?
as kids we don't get to choose if our parents are involved or not.
but growing up we get to choose, stand alone or let someone in.
whether that's friends or a relationship, we choose.
i think for 26 years i've liked being free and i've always had amazing friends so that's enough.
but sometimes, you have to realize, we all need to be taken care of sometimes.

so whatever your excuse is for not finding your emergency contact.
no fish in the sea.
just wanna have fun.
my career...just saying ;)

whatever it is....maybe don't be so afraid of getting your new emergency contact. 

OK enough of that, now a happy thought. I always think a positive note is the way to start and end the day!

their names.
two of the best people