Friday, March 18, 2011

better on the radio

i love love love spring
i love the first time i get to wear flip flops
the first time i wear a hoodie and no coat
the first time i ride with my moon roof down
(even if i have to have the heat on while doing it)

one of the things i do
when it becomes spring
is listen to my summer music
to get me ready for summertime fun
mostly country
some colbie
anything that reminds me of being outside
around a bonfire
swimming at the lake
ahhh spring.

and of course i want to immediately make a play list on my ipod
but i get the most joy when it comes on the radio
what is it about when you hear a song on the radio?
today i heard paisley's "the world" on the radio
and screamed and turned it up so loud and sang.
i have it on my ipod
i've listened to it 100 times
i can listen to it all day everyday if i wanted
but there is something about hearing it on the radio
it just makes it that special
makes it like God wanted me to hear that song.

when i was a kid.
i would play that game with God.
alllll the time
"OK God..the next song is a sign."
whatever is on.
that is what you are saying to me.
haha and when it was hanson "mmm bop"
i would just assume it meant i was supposed to marry taylor hanson.
ha seriously allll the time i played that game

i actually decided to move to nashville bc of a tim mcgraw song.
true story.

something about when it comes on randomly
when i didn't make the song happen.
that it makes it so much more.

i forget about this all the time when it comes to life.
if you want that "wow. amazing" moment
you've got to let it happen.
you've got to stop making a playlist.
and just let it show up on the radio on it's own.

i know it's cheesy but seriously.
so many times i try so hard to make the miracles happen.
i want to hear a song.
i play it.
i want to see someone.
i see them.
but some of my favorite moments are when
the unexpected happen.
when my favorite song comes on at 6a when i'm leaving for work.
when a friend surprises me because i didn't have time to plan anything
when i run into a familiar face in a random city.

some of my most "God" moments are when he surprises me.
when i see someone my heart needed to see.
in the most random place.
in a random city
at a random time.
i'm reminded.
how small i am.

when those random things happen.
i like to believe that's God reminding me.
he has it.
he knows exactly what song my heart needs to hear.
he knows which friend i need.
or which guy is meant for me.

i love it.
so as much as i love to plan
and try to organize.
my favorite time is when i'm totally knocked on my butt.
when my favorite song comes on the radio.
and i just happened to be in my car
at that time
on that station.
to hear it.
i just love music. ahhhh

fun picture for the day.
amanda changing sheets
on this nasty bus we used for a shoot
bhahaha made me laugh.
she makes me laugh.

Friday, March 4, 2011

when i was a kid

i can't plan anything
my life never has a schedule
i put a few key dates on a calendar
my niece and nephew's birthday parties
the weddings of two of my best friends
beach trips
and then the rest is up i the air
my family and friends know this
they THANKFULLY love me anyways

lately i've been feeling sad about missing things.
dinner nights.
just seeing faces of the ones i love.
feeling guilty and sad that i can't plan it better.
that work or something always gets in the way.

then i realize life isn't in the way.
that is LIVING life.
i'm really living my life.
sometimes i feel so busy
that i barely ever stop.
but that's not doing too much.
that's just living my life.

when i was growing up
i never had a plan of who i was going to be
i was never the kid that said
"when i grow up I will be ______"
I never knew
never cared what i would be.
i knew one thing
i knew i wouldnt just sit around
i wouldnt just watch life
i didn't know how i would do this
but i knew that i was going to live it.

i didn't know where i was going to live
when i grew up
i just knew lima/waynesfield would always be home
i didn't know how far i'd be from my family
but i knew that i would always be close
i just knew i was going to go wherever i felt called.
that i would follow my heart there.
and not be scared.
that's what i thought when i was a kid

i had no idea what type of guy i would marry
haha obviously still don't
no idea if he'd be tall or short
honestly i have never had a "type"
i only knew that he would love God
knew that he would love people family and friends with all he had
no idea where he would be from.
but knew we would work hard
laugh hard.
at the future together.
i believed in romance
when i was a kid.

i knew i'd always have the best friends in the world.
i didn't know who they would be.
or who they would look like.
but i knew one thing
that they would love me for me
because i loved me for me.
i knew we'd laugh wherever we were.
and we would always have fun and never grow up.
that's what i thought
when i was a kid

my life is total chaos.
i don't sleep.
i'm never in the same town
and i never really even sit down
and im tired of seeing this as a flaw
im done feeling guilty
i'm living my life
just like i had hoped as a kid

i try hard to live my life
and i think
if 10-year-old lindsay
could see 27-year-old lindsay

she would be so happy.

bc i love with EVERYTHING
and sometimes i miss things
but i think i'm good at not making excuses
so if i miss something it doesn't mean i failed
it means i am just living life

and when my hair is in a pony tail
i feel like the same 7-yr-old tomboy
that would come home dirty
with all sorts of bruises
but i always had fun stories to tell mom and dad

and life is still giving me bruises
but it still hands me some amazing random and funny stories.
and i still always laugh
all the time.

so maybe my life is totally nuts
but i guess a better way to look at it is
this is the life
i wanted as a kid
a life lived and not watched
a life that when im in the retirement home
with the girls
helping mandy find her teeth that she keeps losing
we'll sit and talk about how great it all was.

i will look back and not have a single regret
i won't remember the one dinner i missed
because i will remember all the ones i worked really hard to get to
and all the tears and heart i put into life
the life i could only could have dreamed of
when i was as kid.

and side note
if you think my hair is a mess now.
haha you should have seen it then.
holy nasty tangles.
baha no seriously.