Thursday, December 30, 2010

off the hook

the doctor told me to take time and relax.
ha he knew when he said it, and i laughed.
that i wouldn't listen to him.
but i'm trying.
i've got 3 books in front of me.
i've played words with friends.
watched a ton of sappy movies.
painted my cabinets.
ok ha that's not relaxing but hey, i'm trying.

and when i spend enough time alone.
i think.
a lot.
i usually get mad at myself.
at a situation i can't control.
i usually laugh to myself.
and i ALWAYS sing.
me and God.
we're a duet.

there are certain things.
i really. really beat myself up on.
and i've decided.
to let go.
let myself off the hook.
i can't control life.
i can't.
and as long as i'm walking and looking for God.
he will continue to guide me.
sooo if that square peg that i'm trying to squeeze and shove into the round hole
isn't fitting.
i'm going to let it go.
instead of being sooo mean to myself.
i decided to really love myself.

i know i'm loved by friends.
and my family more than i can ever love them back.
but i decided
to love myself.
stop being so mean and hard on myself.
now i am a very happy person.
i can even be a tad cocky sometimes.
ha but i'm saying.
when it comes to those things.
those people.
i can't push where i wan't them to go.
i'm going to let myself off the hook.

what are the things you can't control but still try?
and the things you blame yourself for that you really shouldn't?
i say 2011 is the year to let yourself off the hook.
have some faith.
let go and see what happens when you're not pushing.

OK confession.
you all know i'm a sap.
i love romance. love it.
well. this is uber sappy.
but sometimes. when i need to be remided it's out there.
i go to youtube.
and watch videos of jim and pam from the office.
haha i know i know.
it's tv.
not "real"
but it reminds me that it may be on tv.
but it can be real.
it just takes a risk.
i'm ready for a risk.
and a cute jim too

love me some Buble.

Saturday, December 18, 2010

Thank you Garth

I don't even know where to begin.
i don't.
this is going to be rambling.
but i don't care.
my blog.
i can do what i want.

seriously, i've known i've always loved you.
but wow. wow.
to see your gift and passion.
in person.

this man.
had everyone screaming.
all ages.
not because he's this icon.
because he sings songs.
songs that touched EVERYONE IN THAT ROOM.
lyrics that people used to make life decisions.
using "unanswered prayers" to get through a loss.
or "the dance" about taking risk, no regrets.
or "friends in low places" to celebrate they're crazy friends.
most of the time. he would just stop singing.
because everyone was singing sooo loud.
because hearing the songs live.
hearing others sing the songs.
meant no one in that room was alone.
that was what Garth did.

and he said that he wasn't the most talented person on stage.
that most of his band was more talented.
and not knocking him
but musically, he's probably right.
he plays rhythmic guitar and has a normal vocal range.
so what is it?
what makes him special?

he is doing.
what he is meant to do.
you can see it on his face.
you can hear it in the voices of everyone singing to his songs.

his lyrics.
the lyrics that soo many people needed in their lives.
what if he wouldn't have ever conquered his fear of the stage?
what if he would have let the fact that his guitar player in the band was better at guitar than him?
or maybe the fact that his background vocals could out sing him?

i just.
when you have a passion
i don't even know.
i love music so much.
and not because i live in nashville.
it's something i was born with.
we all have a passion.
and i just. God uses music to speak to me. like he does others.
i mean i felt like i was in church last night. seriously
when he started playing "the river"

Too many times we stand aside
And let the waters slip away
'Til what we put off 'til tomorrow
Has now become today
So don't you sit upon the shoreline
And say you're satisfied
Choose to chance the rapids
And dare to dance the tide

seriously. seriously.
dreaming isn't just for the ones on stage.
is meant to shine like that.
so you can't sing. or dance. or lead the country in politics.
everyone EVERYONE is meant to shine like that.
everyone has a calling like that.
we're all meant to move mountains.
move each other.

and he didn't play my favorite "standing outside the fire" but it didn't matter.
he kept coming back on the stage, because we wouldn't stop cheering.
and just sang acoustic,with out his band.
at one point he saw a sign, for a cover song he once did.
and he said "yeah I don't even know how to play that song, I've never played it on my guitar. No way that is happening!"
then he just started strumming.
he just started trying.
in front of 20,000 people.
he was just WINGING IT...
after he said "no way"
he did it anyways.

And then the part that made me cry.
truly. i'm a baby.
was the fact.
he could have done 9 shows wherever.
but he did it for Nashville.
2 shows some nights.
he could have done 5 but he did 9.
he brought all those tourist into town.
business. into the city.
just another person that refuses to see a flood beat music city.
I can't explain the feeling that brings.
when you saw the city defeated by the weather.
and you see it rebuilt by it's people.
and love.

ok so this is totally random but this is how I feel. scattered and just inspired. inspired.

we all need to keep going.
keep scaring ourselves.
keep shining.

"heaven's not beyond the clouds, it's just beyond the fear"-gb

PS Kate wish you were there...he said after his last child goes to college..he's going on tour. You. me. and the girls. road.trip.

Tuesday, December 14, 2010

for my ladies

A friend gave this to me when I was a freshman in college.

when i was 18.

I needed to read it then.

much like i need to read it now.


I made her. She is different. She is unique.

With Love I formed her in her mother’s womb.

I fashioned her with great joy.

I remember with pleasure the day I created her.

To me she is beautiful.

I love her.

I love her smile. I love her ways.

I love to hear her laugh and see the silly things she does.

She is herself and no one else.

This is how I made her.

I made her pretty, but not beautiful

Because I know her heart,

And I knew that she would be vain.

I wanted her to search her heart, and learn that in Me,

She would be beautiful.

It would be my spirit that would draw people to her.

I made her such a way that she would need me.

I made her a little more lonesome than she would like to be,

Because I want her to turn to me in her loneliness.

I made her dependent,

So that she would depend on me.

I know that if I had not made her like this,

She would go her own way and forget about me,

Her Creator.

I have seen her broken heart,

And the tears she has cried alone.

I have been with her, and had a broken heart too.

Many times she has stumbled and fallen,

Because she would not take my hand.

She has learned hard lessons,

Because she would not listen to my voice.

So many times I have sadly watched her

Go on her way, alone.

And now she is mine again.

I made her and then I bought her.

I paid a high price for her,

I have had to reshape and remold her,

Renewing her for My plan.

It has not been easy for her or for Me.

I want her to be conformed to My image.

This is my goal I have set for her,

Because I love her.

Saturday, December 4, 2010

elevator games.

so I like to go running in the mornings here.
its really cold but such a gorgeous run.
by the monuments
by the white house.
love it.
its not nearly as fun as kickboxing
but it does it's job.

so obviously
no purse while running.
that would be silly.
and i'm not one of those crazies that run with a fanny pack.
haha ok ok i have one for long runs.
but i forgot it in the ville.
so where do i put my room key you ask?
my bra of course! haha

so i jog.
life is good.
i get back.
tell the front desk it's going to be a good day.
they think i'm annoying
i grab a cup of coffee
and sometimes an apple.

and head to the elevator
now the game begins.

i have 8 floors.
to get the key out of my bra
and into my hand.
sounds simple.

oh but there are some challenges to this game.

one my gloves.
i have to get my gloves off fast.
sometimes i take them off at the end of my run.
give myself a head start.

then the coffee.
the coffee leaves me with only one hand free.
and if i have an apple.
the coffee has to be sat on the ground.
extra time wasted.

time is my biggest challenge.
8 floors isn't that much time to dig and grab.
dig and grab.

just imagine my horror.
if i don't get it in time.
and the elevator door opens.
if i'm still digging
there is almost a 99% chance
someone will be standing there.

so there is a lot at risk.
if i fail the game.

just imagine how complicated the game gets.
if.... on. the. elevator. with me.
good luck with that.

i live a life of adventure i tell you

almost back to nashville.
i'm so excited.
so ready to start getting ready for Christmas

oh and