somethings will never change

so i was making myself a salad
and i love putting almonds on it.
yummm.
so i grab my bag of almonds off my shelf.
and "plrrb"
(haha im sitting here trying to spell out the sound of the almonds falling)
but yes.
spill
alllll over the floor.
seriously?
I'm 28 years old.
how do i do this everytime?
how do i not know how to close a bag of almonds?

or last night.
i was dumping out the coffee grounds in the trash
preparing my coffee for the morning.
dork.
i know.
and "plop"
pile of coffee on my floor.
haha SERIOUSLY
the best is 1/2 goes in the trash
1/2 hits the rim so it flies
pretty far away
making a bigger mess for myself.

at least once a week i miss the trash can.
what is wrong with me?

then i think back.
i blame my parents really.
haha im kidding
it seems like the likely thing to do.
something wrong with the kid?
blame the rents.
but no. it's all my fault.
i'm just. well
just clumsy

and i've learned.
as i try to add good to the world
try to constantly grow and learn.
somethings.

somethings will never change.
haha ever.

i will always be the girl with
a little drop of toothpaste on her shirt

the girl that spills hot coffee
on herself and in her car

ALWAYS.

the one that trips over chords
well trips over anything really

the girl that runs into a chair
then apologizes to the chair
ha yeah not sure when that habit started.
my mom did teach me to be polite.
ha bet she never figured i would be polite to chairs

i will always be the car that isn't really
parked straight in the parking lot.
i'm more of a slanted parker.
haha

and as my mom will tell you
anything glass and me
well you know what happens there...

to throw away broken glass
you must put it in a box or a paper bag
tape it up
and the polite thing to do would be to write
"broken glass"
several times on the package so the trash man
doesn't cut himself

enough said?

haha point is.
you can constantly grow
and we should try to keep growing.
but i think it's funny to embrace
the little things that
most likely
won't change
the little "mishaps"
that make us who we are.

have a fun day
now i'm going to go iron my shirt
but by the time i leave my house
it'll be wrinkled :)

love you all
well most of you.
ha i kid
all of you.

demand more.

you deserve more.
i deserve more.

let's be honest.
we all have had toxic relationships
friendships
boyfriends.
girlfriends.

and sometimes.
those don't come as obvious as :

CAUTION
HE WILL BREAK YOUR HEART
THIS WILL BE THE WORST FRIEND EVER
SHE WILL STAB YOU IN THE BACK..

RUN AWAY.

sometimes it's just not that black and white.
sometimes it's just as subtle as
it's a friend
that is scared to live
and scared to let you live
to dream
so you both stay back

sometimes it's as subtle
as someone that won't even hold your hand
so you just forget what it is like to have someone
intertwine their fingers in yours.

if you think about it.
the people you love the most
are the people that annoy you the most.
the people that you love more than yourself
are the ones that get mad at you for being late to a girls dinner.
again
haha love you.

those are true friendships
true relationships
the ones that demand the best of you
that you can get mad about it.
because you care TOO much.

but don't settle
for the ones that
are OK
the ones that let you be just ok.
that make you just OK.

the ones that let you only want to be around them
because they're lonely

be with the ones that
are at the top of their life
having the time of their life
and get a ping in the side of their heart
because they wish you were there
or the ones at the worst part in their life.
that need you there.

those.
are the relationships
you deserve.
and if you love someone.
and they're just being OK
stand up.
make them shine
wake them up.
remind them
they're meant to be more.
than OK
if you settle.
you're allowing them to settle.
stand up for more.



lara told me last weekend.
out of the blue.
"there is a billboard downtown that reminds me of you.
every time i drive by it i think of you"
and immediately i'm curious
she tells it's a smart water billboard
and it says

'be the girl they sing about'

huh.
huh.
wow.
i don't know what that means.
i just needed to hear that.
hear that compliment
whatever it meant
and smile in it all.
be more.

chili powder

two blogs
in two days.
lucky you right?
haha
i'm literally sitting
in my hotel room.
watching the clock
just ready to go to the airport
get back to nashville.

and im just sitting here thinking.
of going home and baking.
turning up the music
putting on one of the cute aprons hil made me
and just jamming out and baking.

anywho.

i've been baking since i was a kid.
with my mom and grandma.
just learning for years and years.
and i just remembered this one time.
i wanted to bake a cherry pie for my dad
it's his favorite.

and because it's his favorite.
it's now my favorite.

so i have no idea how old i was.
but i was sooooo excited
i loved baking with my mom.
loved my dad.
so perfect i was going to show him how much
i loved him with the perfect cherry pie.

so it calls for cinnamon.

yeah see where this is going.

and i LOVE cinnamon.
still to this day i put it on everything.
toast.
apples.
lasagna.
haha ok not lasagna
but almost everything

so i thought i'd put extra cinnamon in the pie
since i loved it so much
he would love it too.

my mom..well i don't know what she was doing.
not paying attention to me.
haha
soo i just put a few extra tablespoons in.

pie comes out.
looks pretty

dad gets the first piece.
eats the whole thing.
tells me how excellent it is.
hugs me.
thanks me.
smiles
i'm SOOO PROUD.

then my sister takes a bite.
spits it out.
and im SURE hil said something like
"dork what did you do to this pie?"
haha

turns out i put chili powder
in the pie
instead of cinnamon
A LOT of chili powder.

i cried and cried and cried.
failed.
epic fail.
one we still talk about
and laugh about
to this day.

but years later.
probably in college.
i remembered it.
and remembered my dad.
never once did he let me know
by his face
by his words
that it was bad.
in fact he patted my head and gave me a hug.

he didn't see the need to tell me that i used chili powder
he felt it was more important to support
and encourage me to keep going
instead of pointing out my error

i think sometimes
we're so quick
to point out the wrongs
to be honestly blunt about things
to "help" people grow
that sometimes.
we don't see the importance
in just saying "you did awesome! Thank you!"
and let that person just grow.

he knew i knew the difference in chili powder and cinnamon
he knew that i was young
and still learning
and it was more important to still be supportive
instead of pointing out the mistake
the big mistake

and now i love to bake
i don't think i'm half bad.
and it's because of moments like that
that someone supported
when i needed supported
he was more than supportive

he didn't just stop at a bite.
he ate the whole piece.

i dont' know what made me think of it.
but i wonder if i would still love baking
if my dad would have spit out that piece?

i think sometimes we underestimate how
vulnerable we all are
especially when we're passionate about something
and how important it is
to have people pushing you
while you're growing through it
while you're still not that good at it
having someone there saying "yum best ever!"

i'm just thankful for that moment
i have no idea how big or small that was in my life.
but im thankful for it

and the moments after that
the moments where loved ones constantly support my passions
"yeah linds that song is awesome..love how your rhymed bird house with microwave, sounds good!"
hahah

and i'm thankful for the support
for the many times to come
where i will use "chili powder" in my life
instead of cinnamon

you get the love you give.

you get what you give.

that saying applies to everything in life
work
family.
everything
but today...
shocker.
i'm going to relate it to love.

whatever i am a lover not a fighter.
i have a romantic heart.
deal with it.

i remember my junior year of college.
i picked the room on the second floor facing sumner street.
wanna know why?
because it had the perfect window to throw rocks at.

yeah.
i wanted that room so a guy could throw rocks at it
just to get my attention.

i also secretly wish
for a crush
to be sitting on my doorstep
in nashville
waiting for me to get home
just waiting
to see me.

and for some reason
i always have a little hope
that when i get my mail
there will be a random piece of mail
from a boy telling me

he's thinking of me.

yeah.

my point is....
i've never thrown rocks at a window.
i've never showed up at someones house
just to sit there and wait for them....

and yes i want all of those
from a guy.
but i've got to remember
i have to be that for a guy too.

so if i never act fearless in love
than i guess i'm not giving what i want in return?
and doesn't a guy deserve that?
to see bold love too?


sometimes when it comes to guys
sometimes i get this "if he likes me he'll go first" attitude.
but really that's just fear.
i love scared
which is an oxymoron
which means that's not love at all

my point is.
love has no fear
if you want love
if you want bold love.
you have to show it.

do you want someone to hold your hand?
then sometimes you have to reach for their hand first.

do you want someone to remind you you're missed and thought of?
then you have to tell someone you're thinking of them too.

do you want someone to show up at the airport
holding a sign saying "you're my favorite"
after you've been gone for three weeks?

ha then that means you better be there the next time they land.
with a hand made sign.
not caring who sees it.

my point is..

love is bold
love expects no results back
it just is
love is going first sometimes
to show someone
your heart is open
you're there
even if you're scared.

give what you want.
and see what you get in return.