I was just reading through old blogs I wrote forever ago.
so thankful 10 years ago i decided to write them down
what a gift to read those
I wrote one about my brother
and how much I adored him 10 years ago when he turned 18
and it made my heart sink.
it was about my brother zach and how much I loved him 10 years ago.
Gosh I loved him so much growing up
mom said he was my own little baby doll
and I just thought it was my job to love him as much as i possibly could
and I did- I gave it my all back then
and as we have grown these past ten years I can't believe i love him even more
he's grown into a fine man
and one of my absolute best friends, favorite people in the world.
It didn't. change over the years
it just grew more as we both got older and I just love it so much
love him tons
he would gag if he read this
and I love that too
then would try to pick me up and squeeze me like he did when he was 18
he hasn't changed that much and I love that
I read another one about my friends
and how they were a gift from the Lord when I first moved to Nashville
I beamed at the thought of knowing a lot of those friends 15 years later
and they're still a gift 15 years later
we've learned to let go of having us all at every.single.event
that life moves at different paces and phases
it's not fair and it can even be mean
but if you keep your friends close
even if you can't keep them all close all the time
that you can get through anything
it hasn't changed
we still look GOOOOODD TOO just fyi. it hasn't changed. ha
I read one ...ok many that I wrote and a lot that were still in the "draft" phase
10 years later
most of those were "I'm not sure what i'm doing with life" or
"this is hard not sure what God Is calling me to do"
"I like him, God" ha
lots of those in the draft or some written
and im so thankful for those blogs too
bc 15 years later it's still hard
I still get stressed and worried im taking the wrong steps
still nervous for the things I think God is saying for me to do
still the same girl
just a little mroe beat up, a fwe more falls
more broken hearts
more mistakes under my belt
and a whole lot of wins
but i'm so glad I wrote all those down ..sweet little younger lindsay
trying to figure "it out" struggling to know which way to go
Im thankful sweet little linds journaled all those things back then
I think I was reallly looking for the answer
and im thankful for it all
because today I still don't know
I still mess up
I just have a ton more years to look back at and know
it was wroth it- doing It all not knowing which way to really go
I think I know now that we'll never know
it's all just steps
steps we think are right
steps that feel like who God made us to be
loving those we think we are. able and made to love
and letting others go that might need to move on
whew...a little older but it hasn't changed much
I still absolutely love Zachy wachy
I still feel blessed by the friends in my life. Lord knows they're wild for saying yes to being my friends
and I still feel confused and worried at life sometimes
but little linds had hope and ambition and she had a HECK of a lot of fun
she loved life and music and wasn't afraid of falling
so I want to keep that part the same too
to kepe going, keep hoping, keep little linds alive in leaping and jumping
even if she doesn't know really where she's going
run into a few walls while living this life
but living this life well and how God created me to live it
hhaha thankful some things never change
