some things never change

I was just reading through old blogs I wrote forever ago.

so thankful 10 years ago i decided to write them down

what a gift to read those 

I wrote one about my brother

and how much I adored him 10 years ago when he turned 18

and it made my heart sink. 

it was about my brother zach and how much I loved him 10 years ago. 

Gosh I loved him so much growing up

mom said he was my own little baby doll

and I just thought it was my job to love him as much as i possibly could

and I did- I gave it my all back then

and as we have grown these past ten years I can't believe i love him even more

he's grown into a fine man

and one of my absolute best friends, favorite people in the world.

It didn't. change over the years

it just grew more as we both got older and I just love it so much

love him tons

he would gag if he read this

and I love that too

then would try to pick me up and squeeze me like he did when he was 18

he hasn't changed that much and I love that

I read another one about my friends

and how they were a gift from the Lord when I first moved to Nashville 

I beamed at the thought of knowing a lot of those friends 15 years later

and they're still a gift 15 years later 

we've learned to let go of having us all at every.single.event

that life moves at different paces and phases 

it's not fair and it can even be mean

but if you keep your friends close

even if you can't keep them all close all the time

that you can get through anything

it hasn't changed 

we still look GOOOOODD TOO just fyi. it hasn't changed. ha 

I read one ...ok many that I wrote and a lot that were still in the "draft" phase

10 years later

most of those were "I'm not sure what i'm doing with life"  or

"this is hard not sure what God Is calling me to do" 

"I like him, God" ha 

lots of those in the draft or some written

and im so thankful for those blogs too

bc 15 years later it's still hard

I still get stressed and worried im taking the wrong steps

still nervous for the things I think God is saying for me to do

still the same girl

just a little mroe beat up, a fwe more falls

more broken hearts

more mistakes under my belt

and a whole lot of wins

but i'm so glad I wrote all those down ..sweet little younger lindsay

trying to figure "it out" struggling to know which way to go

Im thankful sweet little linds journaled all those things back then

I think I was reallly looking for the answer

and im thankful for it all

because today I still don't know

I still mess up

I just have a ton more years to look back at and know 

it was wroth it- doing It all not knowing which way to really go

I think I know now that we'll never know

it's all just steps

steps we think are right

steps that feel like who God made us to be

loving those we think we are. able and made to love

and letting others go that might need to move on

whew...a little older but it hasn't changed much

I still absolutely love Zachy wachy

I still feel blessed by the friends in my life. Lord knows they're wild for saying yes to being my friends

and I still feel confused and worried at life sometimes

 but little linds had hope and ambition and she had a HECK of a lot of fun

she loved life and music and wasn't afraid of falling

so I want to keep that part the same too

to kepe going, keep hoping, keep little linds alive in leaping and jumping

even if she doesn't know really where she's going

run into a few walls while living this life

but living this life well and how God created me to live it

hhaha thankful some things never change