He loved us first.

you've heard it
i've heard it
love like God loves us
love like God
He loved us first
to show us the way
to teach us how to love

i was thinking this morning
as i was drinking out of my little pig mug
(thank you ethal)

and i was thinking...

what if God loved like i love?
loved like we love here on earth?
very little at times
mediocre a lot of times?

sure we like a lot of people
but love
truly love
FEARLESS LOVE
love is fearless
bold love
loving the unloveable
the kind of love that makes everyone look at you and go:

"wow they're acting crazy right now! I want what they have!" kind of love

then i started thinking
what it would be like
if God didn't love first
if His love looked like our love
if He loved the way we loved

What if He.....
Loved only when He felt like loving us
Loved only if He had evidence that we would love Him back
Loved only when He wanted too
Loved only when we weren't being annoying :)
Loved only when the timing was right
Loved only the ones that were easy to love
Loved only when He found the patience to love
Loved only those who believed in Him
Loved only when He knew the outcome
Loved only those that earned His love

What if He loved like we do sometimes?
Like I do sometimes?

ahhhh i hope that makes you just
want to jump up and try and hug him
or fall to your knees
rejoice
that He loved first
that He loves us in a way we can't even grasp
He doesn't love like we love
He loves better

Thank you Lord for loving us so well
for loving us more than we'll ever be able to understand
for showing

"You see, at just the right time, when we were still powerless, Christ died for the ungodly. Very rarely will anyone die for a righteous man, though for a good man someone might possibly dare to die. But God demonstrates his own love for us in this : While we were still sinners, Christ died for us." Romans 5:6-8

for the men i love

this one is kind of hard to write
but i need to be honest
to the men in my life
whether you've known it or not
you're a huge impact in my life

if you're a man in my life
whether you're family
or someone i call friend
it means i love you
truly.
i love you.
it means God had it planned
before i was born.
that you and i would walk some of this life
or the rest of my life
together

and i will speak from my heart here
from me to you
a man i love

i want you to help me
help me to be the woman in proverbs 31
you are not my God.
nope.
i don't expect you to be God to me.
you're off the hook on that one.
you're a sinner like me
a great sinner.

but there was a reason Adam was a man
and Eve was a woman
God made us brilliantly different
and even though sometimes
i'm way too prideful to say it

i need you

all of us women need you
we need the men in our lives
to be Godly men
truly
i need you to be a Godly man.

and it's truly a battle with the devil
in my heart
guarding my heart daily.
i have wars in my head
even though i hear God tell me one thing
the world tells me another
and before i even get to the front door
sometimes i forget what God has said to me

so you can imagine how hard it is to believe in love
and romance
every moment i let God talk into my life
he reminds me of romance and love
He tries to tell me beautiful secrets of His plans for me
of romance and outrageous ridiculous love and hope
and I'll rejoice

but then i go out into the world and get beat up a bit
now i'm not helpless at all
God has very much given me weapons
scriptures
to fight it off

but men....
please know
i'm looking to you too
God put you in my life
and i know you're not perfect
and i know you want to do what you want to do sometimes
or just accept that we're all just sinners
but know
who you are is not just you

i'm watching
all us ladies are watching you
we're wanting to be led.
PURSUED
someone to walk with God
with us

i know you pray to be bold men
i know your hearts are there
but once you pray
believes He's heard
and faith does take action
so move
act
be Bold
please.

I think all the men i love..
should read "captivating" by John and Stasi Eldredge
it's about woman's heart
and how God made our hearts
for Him
and to be romanced
which takes a Godly man

anywho...

we're not helpless with out you
we are complete in Him
but He did make you first
so we're watching
just hoping for some help to choose God over fear
you can either help guide us to God
or lead us astray
very rarely is it not one of those.

men in my life
please listen to Him
your call

tell the woman in your life
doesn't have to be me
your wife
your sister
your gal pal
your mother

she's adored
she's missed
your favorite thing about her
surprise her
show her romance
i know i know
ewww romance
but God's heart to a woman is romance
and wimpy men don't show that
passive men
be a man of God

i know you fear rejection
but pride is the fall of man
Jesus was humble
and loved boldly
you were made that way

i guess i've never thought to tell you
that if you're a man in my life
that you can do it.
i know you think you can't
but you can
God made you to be the man
to love us women strongly
to walk like Christ
the devil wants you to think you can't
you're not enough
but you ARE

you are strong enough in Him
You can do all things through Christ
but you have to try
keep going
the best version of you
exist when you are walking closest with Him

God will be there no matter what
but don't settle for what other men are doing
what other men are settling to be because it looks easier
passive
scared
selfish
please please please
i beg you
men in my life
please step up to the call of God
please
lead when you're called to lead us
lead me

sing 
dance 
shine
be foolish
be bold 
for Him
i know you think you're not ready
but God made you born ready
to be Christ like men
you just have to accept

because the women in your life
are trusting you
i am trusting you

Exodus 15:2 "The LORD is my strength and my song, He has become my salvation. He is my God and I will praise Him, my fathers God, and I will exalt Him."

in my daughter's eyes

i had a tough day today
pretty just ..
tough
in my own head kind of tough
doubting what i'm doing in life
if i'm really hearing him
or am i making it all up?
the radical
insane things
God is calling me to do
doubting all of it

today i doubted the things he is placing on my heart
doubted the people he is placing on my heart
it's too hard God
it doesn't make sense
i picked doubt
i picked fear
i picked the world over Him

but....
on my way home i heard this song
it's a song from a mom to her daughter
always reminds me of my mama
and i turned the station
heard the chords
i was going to change it because I wasn't in the mood for it
(sorry martina)
and i just heard God say to listen
from me to you
and for the first time I heard the lyrics like it was
from the father
about me

and this was the exact part i heard
from him to me


It's hangin' on when your heart
has had enough
It's giving more when you feel like giving up
I've seen the light
It's in my daughter's eyes

In my daughter's eyes I can see the future
A reflection of who I am and what will be
Though she'll grow and someday leave
Maybe raise a family
When I'm gone I hope you see how happy
she made me
For I'll be there
In my daughter's eyes 


Yeah
i had to pull the car over
you shouldn't drive and bawl
it's more dangerous than texting and driving
hahaha

wow
but how awesome and humbling
and creative is He?
to speak to me in song
 because i'm too small
to even GRASP
what he's placing on my heart
He finds a way to reach me

to tell me He loves me
to hang on
keep picking faith
even if it seems radical
He has us
He has me

every day
every moment
i get to choose
to fear God
or fear the world
i get to choose to be used
or to fear being used

and sometimes
a lot of times
i pick the world
i fear what the world thinks

I've just realized
i'm not a good rule follower
i'm not a good in the box thinker
i'm only good
when i'm radical
when what God puts on my heart
that I have to go "nooooo way is that going to happen"
because only in those radical moments
when i can't even grasp the concept of how it would work
do i actually get out of my own way
to see him

and thankfully
in the war of doubt and faith
He always wins
He has won
and he is jealous for me
and wants me too

Psalm 28:7 "The Lord is my strength and my shield; my heart trusts in him, and I am helped. My heart leaps for joy and I will give thanks to him in song."

My funny valentine

i love love.
love feeling it.
love giving it.
i love valentines decorations.
obnoxious reds and pinks.
GLITTER
i love walking into the stores and just seeing it all.
haha

anyways
i was trying to think of my favorite valentines ever
the time my parents got me valentines day barbie
made my heart melt
the thought of my first box of chocolates from a boy
made me smile

but the one that wins
was the one that made me laugh so hard

5th grade
my neighbor and best friend Tara
was dating my DISTANT cousin AJ

they were in love
5th grade kind of love
pure and fearless

and she wanted to do something special for him
on valentines day
and their song was "i swear" by all-4-one
she wanted to sing it to him
but she couldn't sing

yep. it goes there.

so she ask me if i would sing it to him
so they could slow dance in her basement together

yep. i said yep.

so we go over to his house.
and i sing
"i swear'
to my cousin
while he slow dances with my friend.

hahahahahaha
laughing just thinking of how
AWKWARD
it was.

haha and i can't listen to that song with out thinking
about that strange moment
 ha hey i told you i love love
even if i'm just the background singer sometimes.

so here it is.

sidenote.
BoyzIIMen pandora is BRILLIANT
babyface will appear on it.
All-4 one
KC & Jo Jo
old school mariah
all my favorites

Happy Valentines day.
Spend it accepting the Love that is given to you 

i'm still a dreamer

i have always been a big dreamer
always

it started young.

i used to want to be an astronaut
neil armstrong grew up near me
so after so many trips to the museam
and constantly eating "space icecream"
i wanted to walk on the moon

then i wanted to be a doctor
hahah that's funny
not because it's so far fetched
but because i pass out at the mention of blood
i am probably the only person in the history of the "body museum"
to black out while just looking at the bodies
haha
but i wanted to be a doctor

i also played roller hockey everyday in the summer
for hours and hours on end
all guys
and then me
i watched the mighty ducks all the time
i had every intention on playing in the olympics...
on the guys team :)

i took dance lessons
haha you know i love to dance
and after one year decided i was going to be the next big thing
i was meant to shine as a dancer
watch out boys II men
i knew the motownphilly dance
and once they would see me dance
they'd ask me to go on tour with them.

and i read all the "Boxcar Children" books
over and over again
I wanted to be homeless
no joke
and live in an old boxcar in the woods
and make my own silverware

haha my point is.
a lot of people
stop thinking
that can happen
they stop dreaming
we stop seeing
the world like a child
we stop believing any of that can ever be true

and i know that i'm still a dreamer
because God never let that part of me die
so thankful for that
He never wants us to stop believing
to stop believing that yes we have work to do
but believe that life can be full of adventure as well.
He wants us all to dream
have Hope

i think that's why so many of us get grumpy
old
some of ya'all are OLD
haha you are.
hey age is just a number. promise.
some of you just got old way too fast.
because you do what you think you're supposed to do
go to work. go home. eat. sleep. repeat.
yes we need to work.
but who decided we had to do the same thing
i know the world tells us after college we need to grow up
maybe
we do need to pay bills
but growing up is something i never intend to do

the world needs dreams
it needs you to stop doing what you've be taught to do
be spontaneous
do something that makes you scared
do something that someone will think is nuts
and thank GOD my parents never said
"our daughter is insane, we should take her to the doctor!"
well they probably did but they never let me hear them say it.
haha

we all have that kid in us.
dream
never get old.
remember what it was to be 4 and believe
there is a reason people always talk
about the "good old days!"
those aren't gone
we just forgot what it was like to dream
to keep a young hopeful loving heart
peter pan style

since i went back to my childhood
here it is
my first song
my first slow dance
ahhhh the first slow dance
where i dreamed of being swept off my feet
and my heart never went back



and just so you can have a picture
of how i was "attempting" to dance




ok i'm going to go put on my boyz II men pandora
dance around my house
and get ready to go see my friends
love you like i love roller hockey

life is a pinterest board

pinterest.
amazing.
i seriously love it.
love getting new ideas
love seeing what my friends love
sharing the same ideas with friends.
it's just so much fun.

for those of you who don't pinterest
and it should ONLY be guys
every female should have it
but for those of you who don't know
i'll explain

there are millions of things on pinterest
DIY ideas
recipes
home decor
fashion ideas
quotes
pictures
etc etc etc

so you find the pictures you like
and "pin" them
and make what they call boards
so i have a "baking like a bodell"board
so i'll "pin" recipes that i like
and put them on my "baking like a bodell" board
so I can go back later and make those yummy brownies or cookies
or i can burn them and undercook them all at the same time
haha truly it happened and i couldn't help but laugh

anywho
your friends on pinterest can see the things you "pin" and "repin" it to their boards
so it's really a way of sharing
i get all of my "pins" from a friend that has already pinned it.
i see a friend from work has pinned a shirt she likes
i pin it
then a friend from college can pin it
just like that...a friend of a friend of a friend all have "pinned" the same shirt

as i'm looking at my friends boards
i start thinking of how it really is just like life

most of the things in our lives
come from someone else
you laughed today because someone made you laugh
you saw someone wear a huge scarf so you decided to do it too
you smiled because someone smiled at you

but on the flip side remember
you are that someone that "pins" it first
you could be the one that didn't brush their hair
put it in a messy bun
someone saw it and....
wala...you started the messy bun
haha


you could be uber grumpy at the coffee shop
but decide to smile at the cashier anyways
and ask her how she is
and she smiles back
and that brightens her day
so she then she goes and smiles to her coworker
and then he goes home and smiles at his wife instead
of picking a fight with her bc he had a bad day
etc. etc.

i know it's a generic concept
but that's because it doesn't need to be complicated
it's simple

"who i am is not just me"

we are all sooooo intertwined
we have to take remember that
we all share this life
together
we're all one big pinterest board
we have to stop living this life like we're the only ones
living
like no one else can see
like no one else is affected
like no one else NEEDS to see someone do something good first
some people CAN'T pin first
they CAN'T show love when they hate someone
so you can go
you can go be used first
you can show love when you're mad
show kindness to someone you barely know
and somehow
someone
will see
and they will "repin" it
they will find enough courage
to do what you did

decide everyday
how you want to be seen
what you want to pass on
what you want to "pin" on your board
do you want to be just another grump
or do you want to show people love

it's really that simple
we all influence each other
choose to shine love

ok so these are some of my favorite things on pinterest
i tend to love quotes
shocker words of affirmation here
and pictures
love pictures

hahaha this is EXACTLY what I look like when i run!!

i truly believe one of God's greatest gift is laughter in the toughest times.

the water, the moutains, a cute guy to row while i'll nap= perfection.

dancing in the kitchen. dancing anywhere.

life motto. every decision you get to choose. faith or fear.

this is where you will find mine.

my friends rock

you know what they say
when you know you just know?
it's easy?
it falls into place?
well i just knew
i just know.

no matter what
these friends
our paths
were meant to be
nothing any of us earned
just Grace shown by God
He knew we would need each other
to laugh with
to cry with
to burn pasta with
to tell us when we're being grump humps
to help hang things on our walls ;)
haha

God knew.
when i moved to nashville
i needed them
before i did

they're beautiful
inside and out
they're refreshing
and calm
they're a light when it's dark

and even when im a bad friend
when i'm too tired
when i'm too hyper
whatever it is
i can't lose them
they are a gift from God.
just thankful.


Ecc 4:9-11 " Two are better than one, because they have a good return for their work: If one falls down, his friend can help him up. But pity the man who falls and has no one to help him up. Also, if two lie down together, they will keep warm. But how can one keep warm alone?"