Friday, August 27, 2010

how do you see it?

ok so this summer.
haha oh this summer.
i wish everyone could have a summer.
where they are totally humbled
and taken COMPLETELY out of their comfort zone.
i don't even feel like lindsay this summer.
i was telling my roommate the other night
"I don't even know where i fit anymore, i just know i have to keep going on this path and it will make sense someday"

anywho.
its been a think too much kind of summer.
but in a great way.
i think it's good to evaluate yourself everyonce in awhile.

i've learned two very big things.
one
I HATE TRAFFIC.
hate it.
hate it
hate it.
rush hour= stinky cheese

yuck.

two.
i have too much pride.
too much.
i never thought i did.
but i do.

and one comes in the form of people.
now i love people.
if i could put everyone in my pocket
i would.

but sometimes
especially this past year.
i've felt really used.
people liking my job more than me
i got pretty jaded last year ( i hate the word jaded. its kind of cheap, but it fits)
people talking music all the time.
people talking tv.
this one "hey if you ever need anyone, let me know, i'll work for free"
or "tell me about so and so.."
i felt like this whole town was fake.
everyone was fake.
everyone was going out to be seen.
everyone was trying to use everyone else.
(I'm not talking about my closest friends, they're the bomb.com)
but i just had enough of nashville and the fakeness.
.ENOUGH.

so i took a break.

i was tired of feeling used.
people only talking to me when they wanted things
people only being around me
when they wanted things

and this summer.
i've realized
i was wrong.

yes maybe i was being used sometimes.
but i was looking at it ALLL WRONG.

i wasn't being used.
God was giving me the chance to be used.
make sense.
i was seeing it as being used. walked on. stepped on. looking like a fool.

but it was a chance.
it's ALWAYS a chance.
to help someone.
it's just the way you look at it.

maybe they're looking at it at first as "yes. i will totally befriend her to get in"
but so what.
i was taught to show love and kindness.
no matter what.
not "if i feel like it" or "if i feel like loving them back" or "if they're not using me"
show it anyways.

the thing is.
it's all in how i look at it.
the little chances in life i get to make a difference

everyday we all talk about how "we can change the world'
we all know the quote from the founders of apple.
"this ones for the dreamers, the weird ones, the ones that think outside the box"
something like that.
anyways.
we're always looking for "that break. just one chance to change the world"

truth is.
we get many chances every day
all day.
but they don't look like what we think.

they're not the head of the record label
offering you a deal.
they don't come in a form of a big promotion
or "hey, i'm the perfect person ready to SWEEP you off your feet"
uh no.
i mean i believe in that.
but sometimes it's baby steps first.
baby steps up the stairs...(movie.what movie?")

they come in the form of
a friend needing an ear to listen.
someone behind you, having a bad day and whether or not you hold open the door.
or let it shut in their face.

it comes in the form of inviting someone at work to lunch.
even though you go to lunch with your fun friends.
it's the fact that she goes to lunch with no one.

it comes in the form of befriending
the unfriendable

or when you pass a homeless person
who you usually avoid eye contact with
because you don't want to give them money.
it comes in the form of
maybe they just want you to look up and smile.
just maybe that would make their day.

the little things.
i'm far from perfect. haha
way far away.
like im in never never land
away from perfect.
but the thing is.
i can't sit and wait for my big chance.

i can't wait for the next flood to hit nashville
for my heart to feel the need to help others

i can't wait for a car wreck in front of me
to have my "help the neighbor" moment
those moments are now
right now.
and i fail them everyday
we fail them everyday.

and the thing is...
those little moments
those are the ones that make us ready for the big ones.


sooo that being said.
it's all about how you look at it.
the little things.
that may not seem that important to you.
could be the moments
that change some ones life.

3 comments:

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  2. your mom's blackberry cobbler changed my life.
    love you linds :)

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