bucket list this

i've never had a bucket list
because i believe in living in the moment
but i recently sat in a food court
in vegas
talking with long lost friend
and a new friend
in the casino
ha it was a blast.
and one of them said "what do you want in life?"
and i said "I don't know, i like everything, i love everything!"
and he said "that's not what i asked, what do you want?"
and i said "i don't know!"
and he said "well decide what you want, make goals and go!"

soooo here are some goals/bucket list ideas

i want to take a vacation on a train
just spend like 4 days
traveling by train
straight up white Christmas style
no cell phones
no distractions
just looking outside

i want to go to prom.
not 80's prom
maybe a formal
is this possible? ha
i don't know
but get asked out like the southern boys do
some really original way
go to dinner with a large group
and dance the night away
and all of us will be prom queen
oh and then we'll all go play basketball
on those inflatable things at post prom
haha

i want to go on a hot air balloon.
i'll probably be scared out of my mind
but it's about in the same category as unicorns
truly
it's one of those things you see from afar
but never see up close
ok ive never seen a unicorn from afar but you know what i mean

i want a summer house on a beach
with my husband
i'm not married
and i dont have a boyfriend
ha but i want a boyfriend
not just any boyfriend
a great one.
someday when we're ready..
we'll find each other
and we'll live on a beach.
in the summer
maybe just for a summer
like you read about in the nicolas sparks books
live on a beach. eat cereal
play games at night
go for walks
on a beach
just the two of us.
i want both of those
a husband and a beach

i want to hear someone else sing one of my songs.
i want to make this a goal
by the end of my summer
for a nashville artist love one of my songs
so much..
the song becomes something
they went through
something so personal
they have to sing it
i need that
and this will happen

i want to show love
to as many people as possible
be selfless
and it's hard
because sometimes i just want to dislike people
or rather ignore them
it's sometimes easier to ignore people that are mean
than deal with the fact that
they hate themselves and life
and don't know love
but i want to love people that i don't like
love them because
that's what they need
"those that seem the least loveable need the most love"
that's what i would pray when my sister was about to get punched in the face
by me.
hahah
but love. even when it's easier to walk away

this isn't all of my goals
but it's a start
saying it out loud makes it less scary
my dad and i watched karate kid this week
and it was so good. and one quote
really just made me tear up
yep i'm a cryer.
NO ONE wants to watch rudy with me.
no one.
but the quote was this.

Mr. Han: You don't need to fight anymore. You have proven everything you need to prove.
Dre Parker: What, that I can get beat up easy and then quit? That's not balance, that's not real kung fu. You said that when life knocks you down, you could choose whether or not to get back up. Well, I'm trying to get back up, and why won't you help me?
Mr. Han: Because I cannot watch you get hurt anymore.
Dre Parker: Please, Mr. Han, please.
Mr. Han: Just tell me, Xiao Dre, why? Why do you need to go back out there so badly?
Dre Parker: Because I'm still scared. And no matter what happens, tonight, when I leave, I don't want to be scared anymore.

i'm big on goals.
big on fear
big on kicking fear in the face
and then singing "superwoman" loudly