daily blessing count

sometimes i throw pity parties
I KNOW SHOCKING.
hahahaha
but no seriously
sometimes
i just think of what i don't have
and forget of what i have
and this is my list. a list i need to keep remembering until i get over myself
and keep on shining that light that is meant to shine.
and if you're reading this.
even if it's not listed
guaranteed you're a blessing i have counted :)


i love that AT LEAST once a day i'm brought to tears by music. i love that God gave this passion to me.

i love the fact that my mom taught me the art of dancing and singing while baking.
and now i can only bake with music blaring.

i love how random my friends are. no matter where they are. what path of life we're on. or how long it's been since we've talked. we're friends. we're family.

i love to laugh. i love that at least once a day i do a spit laugh. ya know, laugh while drinking something and spit it out? ahah what can i say, the people in my life are that funny!

i love seeing my brother grow up into a wonderful young man.

my sister and stu. i love learning from their love and life. i love how much their love means to me.

i love that seeing a picture of my niece get her hair cut
brings tears to my eyes because she's growing up too fast

i love when someone says " I thought of you today" it still makes me excited and nervous. to think someone thinks of me. humbling.

i love the fact that i went to a graduation ceremony
and the speech that was meant for 18 year about remembering that God can do anything. and to dream big.
to shine their light.
i love that it still applied to me. the world is meant for us to shine in.
that hope hasn't died.

i love that i am always meeting new people.
new friends. just think.
less than a year ago i didn't even know where BA was.

i love that when my car is having problems my dad WILL ALWAYS be the first person i call.

i love seeing gabe smile. that's all i need some days. a pic of my sweet nephews smile is enough to get me through anything.

i love God's grace. how i mess up time and time again and am soooo humbled by the fact he still gives me grace. shows me hope. keeps loving me. what an amazing thing.

my point is.
i have no idea what life holds.
no idea where i'm going or what is next
and it's scary and nerve wracking and sometimes
life is just not fair.
but we can't waste time worrying.
looking at others.
looking for what is next.
we need to love right now.
love what we have.
so love.
just find what you love.
write it down.
type it out.
read it over and over and over.
until you realize.
every moment
if you truly look
is filled with love.
is filled with blessings.

peace.

13 years..and they're back.

cicadas
where do i begin
i was DREADING THEM.
dreading.
i even moved my birthday party
inside
in fear of them.
honestly.

and now.
i kind of .....

like them.

I KNOW I KNOW I KNOW ....
WEIRD.
but hear me out..

let me tell you some stories involving them.
and maybe you'll understand.

story one.

a group of girls went to urban flatts after work.
now i hate air conditioning.
i'd rather have the wind on my face.
i hate air conditioning
all day we sat inside at work.
so they agree to sit outside
at the flatts.
haha
good idea lindsay.

so we brave the cicadas
and those dumb bugs behaved for the most part
but every few minutes one would fly at one of us
and we would get up
jump
squeel
and the rest of us
who were not the victim of the moment
would laugh soooo hard.
and then we would look inside
and everyone was staring.
judging us.
and we would laugh even harder.


story two.
i was rolling in my car
windows down
jamming to my rap music.

yeah im super dorky.

and all the sudden
a cicada almost flies in my car
haha i scream.
slam on my breaks
and almost rear end my friend in front of me
luckily
she saw it and LAUGHED
and laughed.
with me.
ok at me.
but we laughed.
dangerous but hysterical.

story three.
my favorite.
i was walking to my car in the morning
on my way to work
and i have my glass of water in my hand
and all the sudden

buzzzzzzz.
plop.
splash.

a big old.
stupid cicada.
lands right in my water.
now this is a bug
that can't hurt me AT ALL.
so i do what most adults would do.
i THROW my water across the parking lot.
screeaaammm "AHHHHH BUGGGG"
and run to my car and lock myself inside

bhahahahahahahahhaahha
yes my neighbors were out and saw it all.
hahahah
yeah i'm still laughing at that one.

soooo to say the least
im kind of enjoying them
because they are making me laugh
and act soooo stupid
loosen up a bit.

these bugs that can't fly straight.
they're pretty dumb.
are making me enjoy their company.

haha never thought i would say that.
enjoy your day.
hope you have a cicada kind of day.

you aren't until you are

we all have things we "aren't"

and how many of us let the fact that we "aren't"

stand in the way of us being something?

how many times have you said something like "well I would love to teach dance, but I'm not a dance teacher!"

here is what i'm saying.

if your heart loves it.

than you are...you just haven't done it yet.

get it?

you may not physically be doing what your heart is telling you to do.

but that doesn't mean you aren't

it just means you haven't taken that step yet.

i had the honor of watching some of my favorite musicians

honor the CMA's last night

and Ronnie Milsap sat up there

and gave me chills...when he said

"I was going to be a lawyer, I would have made a great lawyer.

but then i was told that i should be a musician. because even though i would make a great lawyer and be successful, my heart doesn't lie about what it wants. so good thing i listened to my heart!" hahaha

so here is the point.

yes i have one.

you aren't until you decide you are.

i wasn't your friend

until we met

my mother didn't know how to be a mother

until my sister was born

your favorite professor wasn't a professor

till he taught his first class

you weren't a nurse

until you saw your first patient

i wasn't a younglife leader

until i met my first student

i didn't know how to write

until i started writing

i didn't know i needed to sing

until i sung

so what do you feel?

what is your heart saying?

that you're supposed to own a pet rescue shop?

than open it.

that you're supposed to travel the country and love kids who have no one?

than go and do that.

that you're supposed to give your testimony through song?

than do it.

because you may be great at 100280198 different things.

good for you.

but what is your heart saying

you're meant to be?

make yourself that.

and see what happens.

i am the skinny mirror.

so one of my best friends

had this skinny mirror in her house

and everyone LOVEEEED IT

we would go over to her house

sometimes just to get a boost

in the old self esteem

it's true

haha whatever you all know it's true

anyways

when she moved to cali

I GOT THE MIRROR

woooo hooooo

haha seriously it's that great

and my roommate doesn't care

she comes into my room

just to get the boost

it's fun.

anywho

i was thinking the other day

why does that have to be the "skinny mirror"?

why can't that be how we look

and the "normal mirror" that makes us all look bigger

why can't that be called the "fat mirror"

ok hear me out.

think about it

they're both pieces of glass.

in frames.

both probably poorly made

one makes us look 20lbs heavier than the other

one makes us feel "ehhh i look ok"

and the other makes us feel "i look gooooood"

so why do we NATURALLY think the "ehhh i look ok" mirror

is how we look?

it's sick really.

we all do it.

we think the worst is what is real

and the "i look goooood" is too good to be true.

i think that we're sooo used to beating ourselves up

we let all the magazines

the tv shows

(i know i know the irony of my job)

but we let them all tell us we're not good enough.

the other day i was wearing a dress

and i kept going back and forth

between my mirror in my bathroom

which is the "ehh i look ok" mirror

and my bedroom mirror which is the "i look goooood" mirror

yes i have A LOT of mirrors

my dad says it's a "bodell thing"

ha my mom decorated with a lot of mirrors

so i do too.

i like looking at myself? i don't know

anywho.

i decided

i have to wear this dress

im a confident woman

and one of these mirrors makes me feel ok

and one makes me feel GOOODDD

soooo i picked

right there.

i decided

i was going to determine that the skinny mirror

was how i looked

that the other mirror just was broken

and the skinny mirror

with my slender self

was how i looked. :)

so this is what im saying.

you choose.

you pick how you feel.

which you is really you.

and whether the world is telling you the "ehh i feel ok" mirror

is you or not.

you get the final say in who you are

because at the end of the day

they are both mirrors

and i get to decide how i see myself.