Monday, June 20, 2011

the girl in the corner.

ok so if you've talked to me at all
in the past year
you've heard me talk about kickboxing.
ha probably a lot.
sorry about that.

i noticed the other day in class that i tend to go to the same bag everytime.
it's in the back of the class by the glass windows.
and i always turn my back to the class
face the windows.
and close my eyes.

so as im kicking the crap out of this bag.
i start thinking

yeah i think too much even while working out.

i start thinking "why do i always choose this bag?"

i choose it because kickboxing is hard.
really hard
and if i stop
for even a second
to see what everyone else is doing.
if they're actually doing the planks
or if they've put their knees down ;)
if i stop to see
then i get unfocused.

if i close my eyes.
i know i will push myself as hard as i can
believing everyone else is pushing as hard as me.
and i know this is not the truth.

sometimes i open my eyes.
to see that some people have stopped.
their body gave out before mine.
and in my exhaustion.
i think "they've stopped so i can stop, i made it far enough!"

or sometimes i'll see someone pushing 10 times harder than me.
and at first i'll think "oh yeahhhhh i can do that..bring it.."
haha yeah i'm competitive.

but after a bit my body will give can't handle that other girls pace
then i'll think "wow she's in really good shape. yikes i'll never catch up!"

so instead of slowing down
because someone else did and it's easier.
and instead of going too fast and trying
to do someone elses pace.

i close my eyes.
i breathe.
and i push myself.
as hard as lindsay can go.
and when i can't go anymore.
i push a bit more.

this is my life.
in that moment at kickboxing.
where i'm dripping.
i'm trying to figure out life.

but the truth is.
i think this is how we should do it.
just go.
don't compare to what someone else is doing.
don't try to go their pace.
close your eyes.
hear your heart.
go to that beat.
your beat.

can you imagine
what the world would be like
if we stopped trying to do what everyone else was doing?
we didn't get discouraged because we didn't have what someone else had?
we didn't stop...because that is where someone else stopped?

so you go your pace.
you do what you're made to do.
push yourself
even if everyone else is burnt out.

and me.
i'm going to close my eyes.
and push myself to the pace
i'm meant to go.

Music time.
i lost all my music when my computer crashed last month.
thank goodness for youtube.
love this song.

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