what i've learned from zach frail

18 years
i don't really know what to say
time really does fly

18 years
who would have thought you would have made it this long
in our family
with hil and i as your sisters
i'm surprised you haven't disowned us
one of us probably should have punched the other by now
haha seriously
congratulations
you've made it 18 years

haha all jokes aside

i've learned so much from you

I've learned how to laugh
you're constantly showing me that life isn't that serious
you're always showing me how to laugh loud
when life is really funny
and to laugh even louder when life hands you hard times

i've learned how to be immature
when you wore your cowboy boots and pjs outside
or everytime when you get your hands wet, touch my face and say
"oh i just went the bathroom!"
haha I ALWAYS get mad at that
then just laugh
or the "donnn'ttttt smile game"
ha you can never stay mad at me if I play that game
i've learned that life is just too short
to ever be a grown up

i've learned what it is to be selfless
when you go to pats donuts and cream to get us donuts
even though you're NOT a morning person
you like to do it because it makes us all smile
or how you watch one of the Potter movies with me
EVERY time I'm home
because i love them

you've shown me that it's better to give then receive
every Christmas every holiday
I watch you have pure joy
pure. joy.
over giving someone a gift
like the time you gave me Cinderella III for my birthday
you knew I had never seen it
who even knew there was a Cinderella III
haha
but you knew i loved disney movies and singing the songs
so you thought it was the perfect gift.
i loved that gift
so thoughtful

I've learned that I am not perfect
you told me no one expects me to be perfect
you've taught me to let myself off the hook every once and awhile
and to learn from my imperfections
learn to keep growing in all the imperfections
and to love myself how i am

i've learned what real love is
the way you are with dylan and gabe
the way you had to have them in your senior pictures
the way you give up your weekends to hang out with me when im home
and even though
you've gotten your "mouth"
from me
i see it with the way you are with mom and dad too

i've learned that you have your own conversations with God
and just like God talks to me
He talks to you too
and that I don't need to worry or plan your life
what i think is best
is not actually always best

haha that was hard for me to type

you will always be my little brother
always Zachius to me
even as you grow up
make your own decisions
huge life decisions
you will be little to me
all 6'2" of you
will be little

but you are wise.
wiser than you know
i feel blessed to get to grow up with you
i'm excited to see you continue to grow
just promise me
you'll never become an adult
always keep that kid in you alive.
promise.

happy 18th birthday
love you
your 2nd favorite sister
linds

Long distance is hard

long distance relationships are hard
very hard
they take a lot of work
it takes a humble soul
someone that says "i know i called you first last time, i'll call you again this time!"
someone that isn't afraid they're interrupting your life
but someone that wants you to know you're on their mind
and isn't afraid to show it

it's not someone that says "eh I'll talk to you when you're back in three weeks"
it's that person that can be happy that you're having fun away from home
but wants you to know they're thinking of you
missing you
keep the relationship going
instead of letting silence win.

wanna know why my best friends are my best friends?
because they don't make me feel guilty for being gone
they don't say "you're always busy"
they just say "we miss you and can't wait to see you soon"
they aren't mad that i have inside jokes
with people they might never meet
people i love
they are confident in my love for them
in our friendship
relationship

they send me videos to make me laugh
 http://vimeo.com/24204070

or
  http://vimeo.com/24229797 

or they send emails at 4am saying:

"Hi buddy! I miss you lots and lots too<3 I am about to run out for work but I didn't want to miss the opportunity to tell you that you are loved! Smile:]"

so whether it's a friend
or it's a boyfriend
or a family member

long distance relationships are tough
really tough
and sometimes it's just a text saying
"i thought of you today"
it's the effort
the pride put aside
just to let someone know they're missed
and even if it's just a tweet saying

"GUM" time freeze

they know
i know
distance has nothing
on our love
and bond.


that's all
i just feel very loved.
and blessed.


side note
i went for a jog this morning
hahaha everytime
still
when i run by the white house
i get nervous that the government
is watching me
haha
the jig is up


back to my Christmas music
today is a fun day at work.

it's not supposed to make sense.

it's the night before the awards.
i can't sleep
so many things
running through my head
so many things
just running through every. single. detail.

i'm just excited
nervous

i stood at rehearsals today
almost in tears
just thinking
how much i love music
how much i love these people
i'm exhausted
and just can't stop thinking
and laughing

that God knew i would be here
with these people
no way i would have ever picked them
no way i ever COULD have picked them
friends twice my age
1/2 my age
different cultures
from all over the country
all over the world
best friends
akron. murray state. vanderbilt
people i love
people i cry with.
family that i wasn't born into
but family none the less.



a friend sent this to me tonight
she believes in love
even if he lives in another country
even if it looks ridiculous from the outside looking in
even though it looks like a "yeah right that's insane"
she believes
and i love to see her faith
when the world says "uh no"

where would we all be if we all just let go of "what makes sense"
and just loved?
maybe we would be able to see God.

im so thankful i just let go
and fell in love with these people
so glad i didn't turn away because they didn't make sense
haha they DON'T make sense
so glad that
even though i was thinking "no way...."
even though the world was saying "that's not realistic"
God just held on to my heart
and said "watch what I can do"

night.