Saturday, September 10, 2016

What are you waiting for?

A few times a year YL gathers up all off the YL staff in Tennessee and they let us just be together, breathe together. We go over the year, the good and the hard, we just spend time together. This time we ate together, we worshipped together, we slid down a waterfall rock together into ice water, we even crashed go carts into each other, I mean crashed hard. Haha

All of those things were some of my favorites, but one of my favorite moments was walking around the pond at camp with my new friend Tiffany. Tiffany lives in Nashville, we've met a few times before, but this time we bonded and it was sweet.

One night after dinner we decided to walk around the water and burn some calories before the next gathering J We laughed and joked some and then began to shared fears in our lives the Lord wants to take from us. 

I started sharing with her my summer and how loudly the Lord spoke to me and how it didn’t just start this summer. That the Lord for years has sent me affirmation after affirmation on a part of my life I needed to move in and I never did. And she just interrupted my thought and said

“What are you waiting for?” I paused and said “What do you mean?” and she goes “What are you waiting for? Why aren’t you doing it? What would have to happen for you to do it?”

I paused for a moment and before I could even think of what I was saying I said “perfection. I want to be perfect. I will do it when I’ve mastered it and feel like it’s perfect.”

Wow. As soon as those words came out I was shocked. The thought of perfection is laughable, because it’s not even close to being attainable, everyone knows that, no one and nothing is perfect outside of Christ.

Yet here I was, waiting to move in an area of life until I had it perfect. Wow. There it was. I had no more excuses left, God showed my real heart, what seemed like my last excuse.

He’s given me gifts, given me people to support me, given me joy in this gift, given me opportunities and now has just shown me the only thing that stands in the way of me and this next phase of life is…my goal of perfection.

Something about her asking this question and me blurting it out just took a burden off of me. Almost made it ok to not be perfect when I play music at club this Monday. To not be perfect when I write my songs tonight, to not be perfect when I sing them to my friends and strangers. Of course you prepare, of course you spend time putting hard work into it, but allowing myself to be free to not be perfect. It felt like my excuse/fear was exposed and now I could move forward.

What are you waiting for in your life to be perfect? Or striving for in your life to be perfect?

Your career?
Your family?
Your weight? Looks?

There are things in our life we want to “master”, and we strive to master before we’re satisfied

I believe in working hard in your career, working out to stay healthy, communicating to keep your family growing. However we all need the Lords grace in all areas. Because if we’re always waiting for perfect, working towards it, we won’t find it on this side of heaven.

I don’t want to wait for perfection anymore. I want to move, and probably take some wrong moves but I want to move. I want to sing  in public, sing wrong notes in public, because it’s not about the notes, it’s about the singing part that matters.

I want to love hard because God says to, even if I don’t love perfectly and have to apologize for them seeing a raw side of me, I want to love anyways.

I’m not perfect, it’s not an excuse, I will keep being sharpened my whole life. However, I want to walk in Grace. I want to live in a place where I need God to show up. I need people to see more of him when I sing and live then just seeing Lindsay.

I need grace not perfection. I want to follow where I know my following Him will lead others to worship and not to me. I want to follow, right now, because I won’t ever be perfect on this side of heaven, so there is no need to wait.

What excuse do you have right now that is standing in the way of someplace you’re supposed to go?

What are you waiting for?

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