I got a tattoo a few weeks ago, it's the word "Beloved" and it's on my wrist. It's turned into this topic of conversation, it's turned into me telling my story and walk with Christ. Not just telling the story to my friends but to some pretty random people. I'm learning the more I talk about what God has done in my heart, that so many people have sat in the same lies. So many women have believed the same lie, and never acknowledged it or hid it or pretended it wasn't a lie they believed, and I'm sure there are just as many men that believe the same lie. So I want to share a story, my story with God, how He took who I thought I was and showed me who I really am through His eyes.
To love is to be transparent to be vulnerable. So here I go, the blog I never thought I'd write, the song I swore I'd never sing outside of my room. This is not to show you me, but to show you God. Show you the lies I believed for so long and how God pursued me and never stopped chasing and taking them from me till I was free.
This is my story (the short version). God gives us each a different story, different tools to bring us all to our knees and to Him. Even though we all have a different story, they all have the same purpose. His purpose for us all is to know His love, to know Him and to shine and lead others to Him.
Mine came to me a few years ago. Now I've always known of Him, always know He was near, but I don't think I realized what I really believed of His love. Till a few years ago He showed me, how I talked of His love, but what I really believed of it, or how little I believed of it.
So most ladies grew up looking to date, loving to go on dates. Afterall, dating is the path to marriage and most women love that! :) That's what dating is, you don't continue to date someone unless you can see yourself with them forever. You date until it just doesn't fit into marriage, right? Guys ask girls on dates that they see something in, they continue to date her, pursue her heart because they could see themselves with her. When it doesn't seem like the option, you part ways, knowing that your heart was shaped in that season, but it was just a season. Anyways, most women love dating, they loved being pursued, some women have the fear of being alone, so they're never the single ones. But that is not my story. Not only was I not the one always dating, but I came to realized I was the one that feared dating, I feared being known.
My years of dating have been the opposite of any woman I knew. I didn't get asked out all the time, in fact I rarely got asked out at all, every guy I met was "just a friend". When I did date, I always dated thinking "This will never work, he can't really like me, he'll eventually stop calling, he won't show up on this date, he'll bail out on things he said he'd be at, he'll meet my friends and think they're funnier, kinder sweeter, there is no way i'll get married, God will make me single forever."
My dating story or lack of dating story really, was based around fear and not in faith. Fear of pain, fear of rejection, just too much fear to even type out. I believed the bottom would fall out, which meant I ultimately felt God would fail or take that man away or he would find someone better, so I might as well not try. yeah.
I honestly believed that and I never thought anything was wrong with that. I even started to think "God I'm ok with being single, I'm loved and I never really feel lonely, you made people single and i'm great with it! Rock on." I kept saying it over and over and over until one day I believed it. But it was centered around lies and fear so i believed more than just "i'm single" I believed i'm alone. ugly. annoying. not worth love.never chosen.....the lies just started to build up. I felt happy I did, and i think that was the biggest sneakiest thing. I always had guy friends, always had friends, always someone to hang with, I felt happy-ish, but I knew I was not ever addressing what God was saying to address.
Sometimes faith isn't about the feeling of happiness, sometimes it's digging in, getting your hands dirty, digging up the roots of some sin or lies in your life, then once it's gone, not just experiencing happiness, but pure joy, joy from Christ!
So God started to dig in.
In fact my YL girls were the ones that opened my eyes and heart to the fact of what I truly believed and it all started with pinterest. One day I told them "I don't have a wedding pinterest board because I don't want to have that board incase I don't get married, that would be so embarrassing!" They asked me one simple and honest question:
"why would you believe that?"
one honest question changed my thinking, my life, my walk with Christ. My thinking of "i'm just meant to be single, that's God's plan." to "is everything based on Him or fear?"
and that was the start of my eyes being opened to lies.
Lies ...I believed until about a year ago, wow almost 2 years, God started showing me, taking it, shaking my world upside down, telling me. Showing me fear that I never wanted to address. Fear of being hurt so just keeping everyone at a safe distance. Close enough to flirt, to feel loved, but far enough with sarcasm and work that they couldn't find out who I was, or my flaws. I felt enough love but I didn't want someone close enough to realize who I was. That I get mad, I have horrible bed head, I can be mean, I'm not perfect, I'm constantly growing, I put my foot in my mouth, my heart can be broken. So I flirted and joked away life so people would just stay at a distance and I was safer that way, my heart was safer that way.
God showing me all of this was extremely overwhelming and hard, very hard and once I saw it and asked how to rid myself of the fear, every step was a step of freedom that I had never known. Once I saw that sin or lie, it became exposed and once I gave it over I saw more of God.
Then I went to Windygap last summer and the battle got even more intense. I felt the blow even stronger, the fight for my heart get stronger. I'm sitting in the quiet time on the mountain and praying and thinking about the girls and praying for others and I just feel God silence my mind..and say He wants me to pray about me...and this thought crossed my mind
"How can you believe you're my beloved, how can you believe I'm all loving, that I delight in you, if you can't image anyone would love you? How do you believe in me at all if you don't believe in my love, that you're lovable?"
Tears immediately fall, silently on this hill. What did I think love meant, and how could I have possibly believed that God forgot me and this all knowing God forgot about me? I wept and wept. I somehow had believed I was unlovable, somewhere, in all the love my parents and family surrounded me with, I wasn't ever wanting to receive that I was worthy of love, true love, God's love.
And then like it was just for me...this small faint voice starts singing.."how He looooveeesss uss...ohh how He loves.." and let me tell you. I don't think I've ever felt so loved and pursued in my life. I know YL staff planned that song, but that moment was from God to me. God knows my heart, knows music, knows the lyrics to my heart, and at that very moment on the hill, in the dark, with a choir singing that song right to me, I started to realize God had been pursuing me my whole life. It was time to receive it. I am not forgotten, I've been loved my whole life, now it was time to receive it, time for me to let Him love me boldly like He does. Learn to receive grace.
that night on the hill, I decided to fight for my heart too, stop fighting against God, and ask Him to show me all my sins. And that my friends, is a hard prayer to pray. He answers and they come up, but once they're free and I started giving Him one fear at a time, freedom. Some I gave over easier than others, and some lies and fears I literally felt God wrestling me for.
Jacob and God wrestled..so Jacob would get a new name..let me tell you, He loves me so much, we've wrestled to the point of me screaming out loud, that's how much He wants to rid me of this lie, that's how much He loves me. We've cried and screamed, He's changed habits that I didn't want to let go of. He's shown me sins that I didn't even recognize as sins, and He's taken them from me.
I realized what faith in hope is....praying and believing..that's faith. When the rain didn't come, Noah kept His faith until the rain came. When Sarah still hadn't had her baby, Abraham told her "trust in God, He'll fulfill His promise." I always had faith until it got hard then I thought "OK that must be a no, moving on." Praying boldly. boldly ..with great faith. Change the sound of my prayers from fear to great faith and knowing He will provide His promises, His love.
life is hard. Marriage is hard. Dating is hard. I never recognized faith and prayer in hope. And perseverance, God showed me I liked to run :) Not running a 1/2 marathon kind of run, but running away. If I wasn't able to control it, If I wasn't able to run towards it and get my way, than I would run away. Simple. Duh. Life and love was white and black, it was either a yes or a no, it either worked or it didn't, easy. haha yeah no..God really has been just opening my eyes on this.
And knowing and trusting the sound of His voice. I had believed the sound of doubt and discouragement more than I had the sound of His voice. The sound of God's voice is bold and doesn't fit in the world. The sound of lies are very sneaky, very sly and tend to make sense in the worldly view. ex. Oh you're single, guys don't tell you you're beautiful? You are probably ugly and annoying and stupid and dying alone. Your personality is probably like nails on a chalk board and you should just settle on the first man that comes around.
And that was the last lie I really believed, that God would have me settle. If I actually did find someone that could like me, he would be just ok. And I almost bought completely into that one. A good man, a nice man,cute, fun, everyone else liked him, I eventually would probably fall in love. God is not a settling God, He's not a "he's alright, ehhh he's kind that's good enough right?' but I believed if He did have someone for me he would be "ok". No man would ever want to be some girls "ehhh he'll do" but I just really believed that's what it was...but no that's not our God at all.
HE'S AN OUTRAGEOUS ...He's the perfect sunrise every morning from my bedroom window. He's the biggest fluffiest clouds I've ever seen. He's gut laughter ..gut laughter. He's my windows down listening to country music. He's hanging out with my best friends during Sunday Funday. He's a hike at percy Warner Park. He's the sound of 1000 people singing at church.....HE'S GOD..HE'S BOLD ..BEAUTIFUL....He loves us soooo big...of course He has love for us..Of course He loves me..Of course He has not forgotten me or you..
I don't even recognize who I was 2 years ago, from the outside looking in you might not even notice a difference. I hope you do but if you don't it's probably because I was really good at hiding. I got really good at covering things up, pretending everything was hunky dory. But God doesn't want us to pretend, He doesn't want us to fake it. We're only faking it with ourselves and others anyways, never with Him, He knows.
so that's my story. it is not a sad story at all..it's such a glorious story. It is a story of God never stopping. Always pursuing us, fighting for us. In a world full of lies this is the truth, He loves us..oh How He loves....
Sooooo I got a new number i've never had a new number so i texted my friends emailed them put a notice out on Facebook i thought that was enough
but apparently some of you didn't get the memo and well.... apparently now when you get a new number they recylce it and give it to someone else. haha i found out quickly that my old number went to a woman a woman by the name of Dee.
It started with Katelyn.
Shes my WindyGap homie
She text me to tell me that she just had the most awkward moments ever
she texted my old number and this woman told her
that it wasn't Lindsay... and that her name was Dee
Sooo Katelyn being Katelyn text her back:
"soo awkward..."
and then immediately texted me to tell me
hahahahah
so we're retelling the story at dinner a few days later
and my friend Brittany almost jumps out of her seat!
"Oh my gosh I talked to her this week! There was a group text for Biblestudy and someone put your old number on there...and Dee kept asking to get taken off the group message but people didn't catch on that it wasn't you.." haha
hahaha at this point I'm loving this.
This poor woman.
although I imagined she's laughing at it all at how awkward me and my friends are
So I go to work that week...
and my coworker calls me at my standing desk:
"Hi Lindsay, sorry I missed the call, I called your old cell number by mistake, it's not changed on the contact list. Oh by the way, the woman who has your number wanted me to tell you to tell your friends about your new number. Oh and that you still get a lot of picture messages from people!"
hahahahahahahahahah hahah
at this point, 3 people in 1 week have spoken to Dee
So then I start wondering
"how many of my friends have spoken to Dee and never told me?"
so what is the natural thing for me to do?
text her myself of course! haha
it was a bit weird texting my old number
it was like texting lindsay from the past
anywho i send her a text
"Hi Dee..my name is lindsay. and apparently you have my old number. I am sorry that you keep getting text and calls from my friends, but they're really awesome people so if you want to talk to them feel free. They're some of the funniest people you'll ever meet, so I hope you enjoy it some."
and you know what?
she responded!!
We ended up textin for about 30 minutes.
She then told me I got about 8 Christmas text and a lot of new years text
and said i got some photos from friends at Christmas
and that she felt very loved
And we ended on this text:
Dee: Oh and you were supposed to pick someone up from the airport last weekend
Me: Oh no? Really? Well....Did you go get them Dee?
Dee: I thought about, my kids told me to tell them you were coming to get them, but I didn't!"
haha Dee is funny!
And I'm thankful I got to talk to her
Since then several of my friends have texted her
my cousin Austin
whom I have talked to from my new number
was texting her..something about Easy E at grandmas house?
hah
and then a friend from the class of 2012 texted Dee btw..miss you ross
haha when I was a kid that's how I said hell "H-E-Double Hockey Sticks" ha I thought every kid said it that way then once I got to college I realized I was about the only one that said it that way. ha whatever that's still how i say it anyways there are these wonderful, sweet, dear, kind, loving musicians named Joey + Rory that have this song i loved this song since the first time i heard it i remember it clearly we were sitting in a hallway waiting to rehearse and they just started singing it and i just fell in love
it's called "Loved the Hell" and it's beautiful a beautiful song about love.
it opened my eyes to a real love a persistent love a love that doesn't stop
true love loving someone even if they hurt you even if they don't understand you even if you don't understand them loving them when they let you down loving just pure love here are the lyrics to the first two verses A hundred times my Mama told me That boy's trouble with a capital T You'll never change him, I know his kind But I didn't pay her any mind
Cuz, I...I...I..I just loved the hell outta him Yeah, I...I...I…I just loved the hell outta him He used to go out on the town Close every single beer joint down But I never asked him where he'd been When he'd come draggin' in...
Cuz, I...I...I..I just loved the hell outta him Yeah, I...I...I..I just loved the hell outta him just love this song so this morning i was riding into work and this song came on my shuffle and i just turned it up and started singing and i sing all the time to every song it's rather annoying to passengers sometimes i just can't help myself haha any who
for whatever reason i stopped singing in the middle of this song and i heard the lyrics heard one word in the last verse i had never heard before. He swore the one thing he'd never do Is sit here beside me in this pew So I just smiled and said amen This mornin' when he walked in...
'Guess, I...I...I…I just loved the hell outta him Yeah, I...I...I…I just loved the hell outta him i've always loved the last verse but i never realized ONE WORD was different GUESS I... GUESS And of course I started tearing up that one word Guess She's saying...because she kept loving him where he was who he was never changing who she was which was love in his life that hell that sin that dislike we all have for ourselves that hurt in him can be gone she kept using the same weapon the same over and over and over no matter the pain no matter the disappointment she kept going kept using the most powerful gift we're all given love. and that pain he had he was holding onto was gone. or he was changing because of it.
because of love. we all are both people in this song we both are the one that keeps doing the same thing over and over hurting stumbling refusing to change struggling stubborn pride and then we're all the forgiver we're all the one hurt we're all the one disappointed we're all the one that can show someone love unconditional love keep loving keep going and expect it to work expect it to win expect that hell to go away by love how many times have I quit loving someone? if I'm being honest, how many times? a lot? probably because they hurt me? I didn't understand them? they didn't believe what I believed? they were destructive to themselves? so I judged them? I quit loving them? ahhhh but what if we kept going? just kept loving like it could win battles if we kept going it could defeat any hurt and pain? the beautiful thing is love can beat it all if we just keep going if i just remember to keep going and keep loving anyone despite how i feel sometimes keep loving
ahh i just love it. love how one word in a song that i've heard 100 times can just spark something in me love. how powerful it really is it can change the world it can heal it can change us it can do the impossible
Matthew 18:21-22
21 Then Peter came to Jesus and asked, “Lord, how many times shall I forgive my brother or sister who sins against me? Up to seven times?”
22 Jesus answered, “I tell you, not seven times, but seventy-seven times.[a]
it was 6 am and about 20 degrees out
we stood outside for over an hour
it felt like 10 years..
time was creeping by
i was moving my fingers
to make sure they weren't frozen in my pockets
when all of the sudden we heard something coming from afar
we heard a quiet chant
it kept getting louder
then we heard jogging
they were running our way
500 of them
running right at us
the sun has just begun to rise
so all we could see were the reflectors on their matching sweat suits
they had flags with their platoon numbers
but they were really hard to read
i begin desperately trying to see his flag
3098
i'm jumping up and down
looking for the numbers "98"
3096..noooooo
31 something..nooooo
and there it was ...
3098
i knew he was in the second row
furthest on the left
1....2....scanning over to the left
and there he was...there was the frail nose
and i couldn't help but scream...uncontrollably
"FRAIL!!!!"
and there it was ..that grin
the grin he's always had
one smile and everything was ok
better than ok
my heart felt pure joy
raw emotion and love
instantly
3 months of missing
3 long months of waiting
all worth it to see that smile
as quickly as they came they were gone
but that was ok..i knew they were coming back
about 20 minutes later they ran by again
1st platoon runs by ..
2nd platoon runs by...
then the 3rd...3098...
my eyes count....to row 2..
there he is....
he's ok. he's better then ok..he's right in front of us.
my family couldn't even control ourselves
it was like we were 15-yr-olds at a justin beiber concert
"FRAILLLLLL FRAIL WE LOVE YOU!!!"
and with his drill instructor right there.
his platoon surrounding him...
we saw a little grin.
there was zach frail.
grinning.
i moved my eyes off of him for a second
and saw the guys behind him smiling too..
everyone heard us..
and we didn't care.
that was my brother
and he was ok...he was right there.
a few hours after the jog
the longest two hours EVER
their instructor gave a talk
i have no idea what he said
i was just waiting for him to finish
and then they open the big garage doors of the arena
and they walk in..
the graduates
i hear their instructor say "we're going to give you your Christmas present early."
He says a few more things
i don't remember what he said to be honest
i was literally about to black out
ha i kept reminding myself to breathe and not to lock my knees
haha no joke...
i see them begin to remove the red stanchions between us and them....
between my family and my brother
and we all just started running
i have no idea what came over me..
we dug through a whole platoon of men
and there he was.
i can't even explain what my heart felt!!
one big hug (he smelled like aqua velva)
and it was ok
he was there...
right there.
and i was so thankful
we spent the rest of the week
spending time with him
watching him march in his graduation
getting to eat his first meal off base
boarding a plane so he could go home and see his friends
and just hearing some amazing stories of what his life was like
what his life will be like
who he's grown into in 3 short months.
i pray i never forget those moments
of pure joy
joy where i couldn't keep my feet on the ground
i couldn't stop jumping
i couldn't stop smiling
i couldn't stop crying
just so happy to see him
so happy to see him smile
that same smile...but he was different
seeing him grown up into a wonderful man
i recognized his boyish smile but he was a grown up
and just smiling
just so happy to see him
i can't explain what my heart felt this past week
it was some of the purest joy i've ever felt
uncontrollable
i have a lot of joy in my life
but this was the closest to pure joy i think i've ever felt
and this was just a GLIMPSE of God's joy
i was just standing there at one point in awe of God
i wouldn't have planned the part where we couldn't talk
for 3 months
i wouldn't have planned the waiting
the patience part
i wouldn't have picked his career
it wasn't safe enough for me
in fact it's dangerous
i wouldn't have done a lot of the things God did
and it just hit me this week
i would have missed that moment
of pure joy
of feeling that absolute love for my brother
if God would have let me plan it
i know this is just the beginning of a new road in his life
in all our lives
but thank you Lord for letting me see
how something i would be too scared to ever pick
ever love
a path that seemed too scary and hard one year ago
could just be such joy in my life today
i would have missed it all
if you let me plan it
thank you
thank you for planning life better than me
and if you know Zach
ask him to tell you some stories
especially the "you already know....." story
and make sure he does it in "the voice"
you're fun God
really fun
So I’ve loved some pretty romantic things in my life
I love looking for romance and anticipating it.
I believe God gives us romance to ignite the soul
Bring us together
To soften our hardened hearts
For men and women, romance is used to unite us and show us
all God
I’ve always been a sap.
I mean I listened to John Mayer
exclusively for about a year in college.
I cry at every sappy song, commercial and movie. True story.
I see the sunrise as God’s way of saying “Good morning my
lovely linds!”
When I see men carrying flowers I tear up. They look so joyful, so strong, they're a hero.
And if you hold my hand, well you hold my heart.
There are so many times in my life I’ve been open to
romance.
My junior year we lived in “the sumner house”.
Gosh that house got broken into 3 times.
One time super scary, ugh thank you God for protecting us.
But anyways I loved that house, it’s true
I loved my window.
It over looked the main street and I’ll be honest
I picked that house because I could image a guy throwing
rocks at my bedroom window.
It’s true.
I expected a guy to throw a rock at it and wake me up just
to say hello.
I used to listen to the radio, just wanting to hear my name.
Hoping someone would dedicate a song to me
When someone shows up with flowers at work
I always think they’re for me from a handsome fella
You know those airplanes at the beach that drag those signs behind them?
They say "marry me sally"
or "4 subs for $5.00"
I always look for my name "love you lindsay!"
when I get the mail
i look for a random love letter
When someone knocks on my door at my house
I am always hoping it's a man in a suit and a bowtie
Wanting to surprise me and take me out dancing
in a parking lot.
anywhere. him and me.
All night.
These are not sad things
that haven't happened yet.
they're hope in romance.
My heart is not broken because they haven’t come true yet
I truly believe God made my heart like this
Because this is what He wants for me
Surprises. Romance. Me Being Vulnerable.
Expecting nothing less than a bold, romantic manly man.
Now over the years I imagine them happening.
But to actually believe they’ll show up?
To actually believe they'll happen?
I felt myself wondering.
Do I really believe in them anymore?
And that’s where I am.
That’s where a lot of us are.
We speak of God’s glory and Hope and Grace
But do we believe it.
We believe it for others
but do we believe it for ourselves?
Or has the world beat us down a bit?
Has the world made us dull?
Boring? Lazy?
Scared.
Do I really believe I'm worth it? Or have I let the world fool me into thinking
I'm not worth it.
Have I forgotten I’m His Beloved?
That He’s not a boring God
He’s not a settling God
HE’S AMAZING AND BRILLIANT.
Do I really believe it? Do I still believe in Romance? Do
you Still believe in Romance?
Not that He MIGHT bring you someone
Not that He will bring you someone that you think is
“Alright”
Not someone just so you're not alone.
But that He’ll bring you someone that makes your stomach
flip constantly.
Will always make it flip.
Someone that makes you want to run around the house
screaming because they’re so stinking cute
Someone that you think of and smile. They always make you smile.
Someone you think of while you're getting ready
Wondering if they’ll like your outfit
That person that makes you smile and you don’t know why
That person that you are just pure joy around
That person that words are said with out words being spoken
That kind of relationship you’ve always heard of but never
seen up close.
That person that …if they’re near you, it feels right. You
feel stronger.
That person that is just easy when you’re near, and a bit
“somethings missing” when they’re not around
That person exist
You are this person to someone else. you are.
Because that’s how God sees you
His beloved
He sees me like that
So why would we settle for anything less than someone that
has the image of God.
No they won’t be perfect.
And you’ll have to fight off some big fears to get there
because
Of course the devil hates when the union is formed
But …ahhhhh believe you’re beloved
It’s not going to be “ehhh it’s ok”
It’s going to be outrageous
You'll find yourself driving in your car in the middle of the
night
Because you have to see them
Have to tell them hi
Just to see their face
So I’m going to document it.
Film it.
Not just for me.
But for all of us.
To expose lies us lovely ladies have been believing and
Get our hearts back to where God wants them
To believe in Romance
To let yourself be someones beauty.
Believe you're God's beauty.
The crown of creation.
And to free the handsome Men
And let them be bold and strong in Him
In romance
To say "Go ahead, fight hard, go get her!"
Fight for her.
The devil doesn’t want us all to walk together
But dag gone it
Guess what …
God already won
He’ll keep winning.
He promises
So this documentary will be about being chosen
About being beloved
About expecting nothing but the most romantic things in your
life.
I'm sure I'll tie music in it somehow
If you're one of my friends, I'm sure I'll include you in it somehow.
But it's about love. God tells us to love.
That means ourselves. Means believe it. Truly have hope in it.
If we can't have hope in beautiful crazy love, do we really have Hope in Him?
That's where God lives.
In the unexplainable.
In the out of our mind crazy moments
in the "too good to be true" moments.
All we have to do is choose to believe and then go.
Do you believe God, a God of relationships would forget you?
Or worse? Give you one that is"Ehhh it's ok, he's ok."
heck no.
Heck no.
He wants to see you jump and sing and for the men to chase that girl of their dreams
and that girl to spin and dance and sing and be lovely and be beautiful.
He wants us to shine.
he's God...come on..
ahhhhhhh I love how He can ignite my soul so much!
Yay for documentaries
Yay for the adventure God has called us all on
Yay for God making me outside of the box like Him!
i went for a really long jog this morning
shelby bottoms is just so gorgeous
and i just couldn't help but think
of how running started for me
when i first started running
3 years ago my friends and i ran our first 1/2 marathon
we trained with TNT
i was NOT a runner
i loved to play sports
all the time anytime
a tad too competitive at times
ahhhaha flag.football.
but running, nah...
not a runner
people fit into two categories
runners vs. non runners
(haha when in life can you ever put people in two groups?)
anywho.
i was a non
but we were all going to train for TNT
train to be as strong as lauraine
train to be runners
or at least train enough to pretend to be runners
needless to say that first 1/2 was amazing
words can't describe it
it was soooo hard
physically and mentally hard
but running with my closest friends
training for months
singing the rocky theme song everyday to inspire us
and to cross the line...
i think every single one of us cried
it didn't matter what our finish time was
or how many times we had to stop
or who came in first
we did it
we crossed the finish line
the mental line of
"no way, too hard" to
"i just did it!"
i thought that would be my first and last 1/2 marathon.
but for some reason i just keep running
it's still a huge challenge for me to run
so i keep doing it.
i would have thought it would have gotten easier
but no
it's still a mental challenge
of left foot..right foot..left foot...right foot...13.1 miles done.
i love running before the sun rises
in the dark
it feels like only God and I are awake
and that one crazy dog that sometimes chases me
and makes me scream in terror EVERY time
haha anywho..
i feel like no one can touch that time
in the dark..running.
i've grown to love to run
to love those morning runs
i run because everyday i have a million excuses
why i don't want to run
why i don't have time
why i don't feel like it
so i run in spite of those
in the face of those excuses
running challenges me daily.
so i run.
today as i'm running
i'm thinking of how similar life is
to running for me
especially my life right now
it's left foot..right foot..left foot...
and sometimes i run fast
sometimes i run with my best friends by my side
sometimes i have to run at a different pace than normal so i can run with a friend
sometimes i have to run alone...
sometimes i'm literally barely making it up the hill
practically crawling up these TN hills
sometimes i'm running..palms open..down a hill
with the wind in my hair
sometimes i trip and fall flat on my face..and break my phone
ha yeah that happened
sometimes i choose not to run
sometimes He tells me to walk instead of run..
to slow down.
but every run i go on
God is always by my side
and it's always a choice
a choice to run..or to say no not today
but i get to make the choice
to move my feet
and sometimes i don't want to
but i run because every step i take
makes me stronger
makes me lean into God more and more
to need his strength to be who He wants me to be
to need him to move my feet
2 Timothy 1:7 For God did not give us a spirit of timidity, but a spirit of power, of love and of self-discipline.
i love with my whole heart. i am blessed to know my jesus, my family and my friends. i'm excited to love people i haven't met yet. i count my blessings everyday. i believe that the glass can always be seen as half full. i try to practice grace. i'm only human.
.JPG)
