Friday, July 31, 2009

love when you don't feel like loving....

just a little bit more.
just put in more effort.

im upset right now.
i'm upset at myself.
i'm upset at people close to me. 

please, I beg of you whatever you are. 
a friend. 
a family member. 
a girlfriend. 
a boyfriend. 

i have a hard time when someone that is supposed to love me more than i'll ever know,
can only love me as much as they know how.
as much as they've been shown to love.
and for the life of me i can't understand why they can't try harder?
why when i tell them the most important thing of my week, they start talking about their dinner plans or laundry? 
why can't they just care like i need them to care? 
why is it only funny when it's funny to them, or important when it's important in their life? 
how can they only talk about what matters to them?

i am typing this as im upset.
and realizing..
we all are.
but i am not different than anyone else.
why not? 
why not try to be different?

just because i laugh at everything and love a lot of things,
i still can avoid situations i don't care much about.
i think we all need to step out of the "me"zone and it's all about "me" thing. 
when was the last time you listened to someone, TRULY listened to someone talk about something that had nothing to do with you.
their new boyfriend. their struggles at work.their struggles in love. their recent trips. and just truly cared. 
let them know that you were there, with them and hurt or excited with them?
when was the last time you HONESTLY supported someone in something they were going through. 
you didn't have to put your opinion in.
you didn't have to be right.
it didn't have to be important in your life.
you did it because you love the person that was involved in it. 
you listened to them talk about it for the 100th time because you don't want them to be alone?

i can say i have those people in my life that do that for me, and sometimes i might not be that person. so i guess when i realize someone important in my life can't care all the time either, that's ok. i need to keep trying with them.

if someone can't care as much as you need them to,
you keep trying you keep caring you keep being selfless. 
and i'm realizing that everyone has a different way of living. 
of loving. 

so laugh when someone needs you to laugh at their jokes.
cry when someone doesn't want to look like a fool crying alone.
listen even if you have a million things on your mind.
and even when you are mad or tired or have a million things on your own plate. just love even if you don't feel like it...

that's all i have.

oh and it's day 14 of the documentary. what a whirlwind.
emotional rollercoaster.
it's opening doors i never imagined.
people are already interested in hearing more about leaps of faith. 
God has moved janelle and i a lot in these 14 days.
can't wait to see where he takes us.

fun photo of the day.
my boss gave me the abominable snowman sticker.
it made me smile.
and some guy on an ostrich.


  1. this is beautiful linds. you make a lot of good points, whether it hurts or not. but the fact remains - you are that person to a lot of people to. the one they need you to be. the rock.

    live it. dream it.

  2. *hugs*

    I love you, Linds. Even if life has taken us to different directions in the world, or carries us away from each other for awhile, if you need someone, call on me. xx