get out of the car

i was talking with Carrie yesterday.

always amazing with that one.

she's a very wise soul.

and she is trying out a new church in Jersey.

so when she went on Sunday

she said she sat in her car for awhile.

she had a hard time going into a church by herself.

what if she didn't like it?

but she went.

and it was better than she could have ever thought.

and i started laughing because lately.

i had noticed i have been sitting in my car for things.

literally.

sitting in my car.

i will drive there.

and then get sooooo nervous i just sit in the parking lot.

thinking of driving away.

haha.

God has been putting a lot of things that i have been fearing.

in my path.

and i'm enjoying it.

it's changing me more than i ever could have imagined.

younglife clubs.

or really even just going to the girls house.

everytime.

i sit in my car for a few minutes.

nervous.

just thinking...

ahhhh this is hard..this is tough...

what if they ask me too hard of a question?

what if i don't know what to say?

but i go.

and everytime.

it is a blessing.

music.

i went to write with friends yesterday.

friends.

it just happened to be on music row though.

so i got soooo nervous.

i drove by the building

4 times.

not twice.

4 times.

haha then i sat in my car.

i was like "this is stupid, what am I doing?"

then i thought.

eventually

if i want to keep writing

i will have to get out of this car.

i will have to go.

carry my guitar in public.

write in public.

no more hiding the thought in my room.

with a crush.

everytime.

we hang out.

i just sit in my car.

nervous and scared.

what if he hates me?

what if i make an idiot of myself?

what if...what?

everytime i sit in my car before

i think...it's time to be nervous over a boy again.

it's time to not let your nerves win lindsay.

(yes i talk to myself. haha all the time. my own pep talks get me through the day)

whether it's over a boy.

or writing.

or talking about God with my new friends at BA.

everytime i get out of that car.

my fear gets a little more weak

it gets smaller.

and my faith gets bigger.

everytime i'm scared.

God shows up.

he takes what I think is me...what i make about me and my strength

and he shows up.. and takes it.

shows me he's got it, if i just take the step.

for any of my close friends.

they know all of the above have been huge fears in my life.

my poor friends.

have heard me talk about music for years.

and crushes for years.

im sure this makes you all a tad happy too.

"finally that big baby stopped talking and did some walking!"

but everytime.

i open the door to my car.

put on my smile

and say "hello im here!"

my faith becomes an action.

and my fear gets a little more weak.

and the world changes for the better a little bit more.

so i'm going to keep going.

someday you're going to have to walk.

if you want a change.

we all have fears.

we all sit in our cars and think "this is stupid."

sometimes we drive away

sometimes we take the easy way.

but the change.

the change comes from parking and getting out.