it's ok to let go of toxic

ok this is not my typical post

but im trying to write "less perfect" 

and just write more

the goal of these is to get closer to writing music again

so this is my thought for today

so it's not all tied up in a bow

where i see the best in all situations 

this is just about toxic relationships 

and how to let go

I know we've heard this over and over

but there is just something clicking in me

to finally start seeing toxic 

in the past i've seen a lot of things as my fault

I call myself "a learner" or a "forgiver" 

so I will learn from hard relationships

or give forgiveness to them when they're wrong

and YES all of those are important

i'm a believer in jesus and he is the ultimate forgiver

however I don't believe he gives us wisdom to keep staying in toxic 

maybe turning the other cheek is creating boundaries 

space so you can heal and pray and love from afar 

and not be in their path of harm and distruction

all these years as seeing everything as my fault

and mine to fix

I think i'm just having eyes to see toxic

and by NO MEANS am I perfect

we will be hurt by friends, relationships, jobs

but i'm talking about those who won't help themselves 

they don't want to heal

they blame you for everything

they harm you because they hurt 

they never apologize but rationalize their behavior

they make you feel smaller and dumb

instead of apologizing for. both making mistakes and messing up

then they smile and laugh and move on like nothing happend

that's what im talking about 

those who don't want to heal or don't know how

so they're taking you down with them

so today i'm seeing it

i'm done seeing it as my fault 

and i'm opening my eyes just a little.

i don't want to let anyone define who I am

I don't want to be around someone that pretends to listen but just interrupts and talks over you

I don't want to be apart of someone pretending to listen to someones ideas and dreams

then steamrolls the room to get their ideas pulled through

I don't want to be around humble braggers

I don't want to be about someone who constantly needs to be the star of the show and be the one 

to save the day and put others down

i don't want to be around someone who makes me feel dumb for thinking different then them

that i need to jump on their way or you're just in the wrong

I believe in loving people and seeing the good and know you don't know everyones story

however that doesn't mean you don't need to set boundaries

that doesn't mean you need to stay around them

I don't believe you need to "get them back" or "teach them the right way" 

I think we just need to see these traits in people

and if you're like me and believe you can forgive or fix it

maybe what you're supposed to do Is just walk away

put boundaries there 

look for some of these traits

you're not crazy

if someone is doing these things 

they might be manipulating 

no relationship

friendship

job

family member 

is worth that. I just need to say it.

for those out there that are in some toxic relationships

it's not you

and that person is a human and needs healing and love too

but that might not be your place

MOST of the time it's not your job to fix them

counselors

doctors 

it's their roles 

this Is me recognizing 

toxic relationships 

this isn't about one person- this is about a habit in people

maybe we all can be toxic at times

but none of us need to stay in it

it's ok to put a boundary up

we don't need to make them out to be this horrible person

but we don't need to put them in the center of our life either

boundaries

changing my thought process 

on who I am

who I want in my life

one day at a time