is I was content with where I was
with who was around me
I giggled
I was content
working
eating
living
grown content
thankful for a pattern
and that is good
it is good
a pattern is good
the people around me are good
yet at the end of the day today
out of nowhere
a few tears dropped
I was like "why are tears falling" and I just knew
this slow ache all day
this sense in my heart of something missing
there is more to live out
more to the story
and it's been a content season
but I feel it in my bones, and hear it in gentle whispers
be prepared to open my hands to something
I don't know what
but it's time
maybe comfort and routine was never going to be the life with me and God
for years i've aimed for just routine
and maybe that was never his plan
or maybe it was for a season
to rest during it
my heart stirs
or maybe it's ache?
aching for so much more
something more fierce
more risky
there is this part of me
that knows I was never made for normal
I can't rest in "normal"
maybe none of us were meant to rest in it
but I know for sure I was not
I keep trying to be normal
but I just know the american dream
the do a+b+c= retirement on the beach isn't me
isn't who he made me
I dont know where he has me going
but I can't deny the path of risk
his path for me
because i'll never be able to sleep
never be able to settle into a place that isn't for me
I know part of that ache and stirring is heaven
i'm meant for heaven
and someday we'll all be there
but I don't think heaven on earth is me getting all the money
and all the success
I think it's going to be living out the adventure with the Lord
I think it's time to embrace my enneagram 7ness again
it's been so nice resting
so nice being in normal
it grew my soul in such pure ways
such strong ways
and it's time again
I have no idea what the next step with him is
but I will say yes-
to whatever
whomever it is
my heart is ready to beat fast again
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