growing up.

you know.

i could possibly be the most immature person you know.

i laugh at all the inappropriate times.

i giggle at the word "butt"

and forget it if someone farts.

and i STILL laugh at "that's what she said"

i'm a 12 year old boy.

so i was for sure i would never grow up.

ever.

but i did.

and don't worry grandma (who once told me 'if you ever grow up you'll break my heart')

i'm still your little immature baby.

i still like to tp houses.

i still like to start food fights.

i love to play flashlight tag.

but i had to grow up.

and no it wasn't the bills

and it wasn't work.

it was taking responsibility for life.

and others.

there comes a point...when you realize.

your life is not just for you.

where carrying burdens for others is part of life.

it's part of growing up.

helping a parent get through something that a child shouldn't have to.

seeing them age.

seeing them struggle with their parents getting older.

when you still want to be the kid.

but listening to them anyways.

because that's what they've always done for you.

that's growing up.

or constantly asking a friend how they are.

even if their pain and struggle with love and life

breaks your heart every time.

you do it because you know if you can take part of the hurt

just part of it for them

you've helped.

that's growing up.

it's looking forward to Christmas not for the gifts you get

but the pure joy of watching your niece and nephew open their presents.

even though the little goobers only like the boxes and paper.

that's what makes you most happy.

or the fact when they puke all over you

you don't care.

you're just happy they still let you hold them.

that's growing up.

it's being a friend for someone when you want to be more than friends.

it's knowing their heart needs time but needs your smile to get through it.

it's putting your feelings aside to be there for someone.

being anything more would only cause more confusion.

but not being there would make them have to do it alone.

because they need you.

that is growing up.

it's going to a funeral.

when you really feel uncomfortable and out of place.

but going because that person was a friend of your friends.

and even though you never knew them.

you go ahead and feel that pain too.

so when your friend sees your face there

they know you are there for them.

that's growing up.

don't get me wrong.

i'm far from perfect and i miss a lot of chances to grow up.

but i'm realizing that just making sure i feel ok

making sure i'm happy and my life is ok

is not what i was meant to do.

it's not who i was meant to be.

we're meant to get out of our comfort

and carry burdens that aren't ours.

make them ours too.

stress for someone else.

it adds hurt and more trouble on our hearts than we should have to deal with.

it's almost like going out of your way to add pain to your heart.

but if you can carry some.

just a little for someone else.

that. that is growing up.

ok on a happy note.

this is about the only picture i have of Christmas this year.

ha one for the books.

it's my brother and i playing wii tennis.

i threw out my shoulder swinging so hard.

loser.

this was right before i got really sick.

i actually think i quit this game to go lay down.

haha so this picture makes me laugh

because i look like im going to puke on him.

love my family.

off the hook

the doctor told me to take time and relax.

ha he knew when he said it, and i laughed.

that i wouldn't listen to him.

but i'm trying.

i've got 3 books in front of me.

i've played words with friends.

watched a ton of sappy movies.

painted my cabinets.

ok ha that's not relaxing but hey, i'm trying.

and when i spend enough time alone.

i think.

a lot.

i usually get mad at myself.

at a situation i can't control.

i usually laugh to myself.

and i ALWAYS sing.

me and God.

we're a duet.

anywho.

there are certain things.

i really. really beat myself up on.

and i've decided.

to let go.

let myself off the hook.

i can't control life.

i can't.

and as long as i'm walking and looking for God.

he will continue to guide me.

sooo if that square peg that i'm trying to squeeze and shove into the round hole

isn't fitting.

i'm going to let it go.

instead of being sooo mean to myself.

i decided to really love myself.

i know i'm loved by friends.

and my family more than i can ever love them back.

but i decided

to love myself.

stop being so mean and hard on myself.

now i am a very happy person.

i can even be a tad cocky sometimes.

ha but i'm saying.

when it comes to those things.

those people.

i can't push where i wan't them to go.

i'm going to let myself off the hook.

what are the things you can't control but still try?

and the things you blame yourself for that you really shouldn't?

i say 2011 is the year to let yourself off the hook.

have some faith.

let go and see what happens when you're not pushing.

OK confession.

you all know i'm a sap.

i love romance. love it.

well. this is uber sappy.

but sometimes. when i need to be remided it's out there.

i go to youtube.

and watch videos of jim and pam from the office.

haha i know i know.

it's tv.

not "real"

but it reminds me that it may be on tv.

but it can be real.

it just takes a risk.

i'm ready for a risk.

and a cute jim too

;)

love me some Buble.

Thank you Garth

I don't even know where to begin.

i don't.

this is going to be rambling.

but i don't care.

my blog.

i can do what i want.

garth.

thanks.

seriously, i've known i've always loved you.

but wow. wow.

to see your gift and passion.

in person.

wow.

this man.

had everyone screaming.

all ages.

not because he's this icon.

because he sings songs.

songs that touched EVERYONE IN THAT ROOM.

lyrics that people used to make life decisions.

using "unanswered prayers" to get through a loss.

or "the dance" about taking risk, no regrets.

or "friends in low places" to celebrate they're crazy friends.

most of the time. he would just stop singing.

because everyone was singing sooo loud.

because hearing the songs live.

hearing others sing the songs.

meant no one in that room was alone.

that was what Garth did.

and he said that he wasn't the most talented person on stage.

that most of his band was more talented.

and not knocking him

but musically, he's probably right.

he plays rhythmic guitar and has a normal vocal range.

so what is it?

what makes him special?

he is doing.

what he is meant to do.

you can see it on his face.

you can hear it in the voices of everyone singing to his songs.

his lyrics.

the lyrics that soo many people needed in their lives.

what if he wouldn't have ever conquered his fear of the stage?

what if he would have let the fact that his guitar player in the band was better at guitar than him?

or maybe the fact that his background vocals could out sing him?

i just.

when you have a passion

i don't even know.

i love music so much.

and not because i live in nashville.

it's something i was born with.

we all have a passion.

and i just. God uses music to speak to me. like he does others.

i mean i felt like i was in church last night. seriously

when he started playing "the river"

Too many times we stand aside
And let the waters slip away
'Til what we put off 'til tomorrow
Has now become today
So don't you sit upon the shoreline
And say you're satisfied
Choose to chance the rapids
And dare to dance the tide

seriously. seriously.

dreaming isn't just for the ones on stage.

everyone.

is meant to shine like that.

everyone.

so you can't sing. or dance. or lead the country in politics.

everyone EVERYONE is meant to shine like that.

everyone has a calling like that.

we're all meant to move mountains.

move each other.

ahhhhhhh

and he didn't play my favorite "standing outside the fire" but it didn't matter.

he kept coming back on the stage, because we wouldn't stop cheering.

and just sang acoustic,with out his band.

at one point he saw a sign, for a cover song he once did.

and he said "yeah I don't even know how to play that song, I've never played it on my guitar. No way that is happening!"

then he just started strumming.

he just started trying.

in front of 20,000 people.

he was just WINGING IT...

after he said "no way"

he did it anyways.

And then the part that made me cry.

truly. i'm a baby.

was the fact.

he could have done 9 shows wherever.

but he did it for Nashville.

2 shows some nights.

he could have done 5 but he did 9.

he brought all those tourist into town.

business. into the city.

just another person that refuses to see a flood beat music city.

I can't explain the feeling that brings.

when you saw the city defeated by the weather.

and you see it rebuilt by it's people.

and love.

ok so this is totally random but this is how I feel. scattered and just inspired. inspired.

we all need to keep going.

keep scaring ourselves.

keep shining.

"heaven's not beyond the clouds, it's just beyond the fear"-gb

PS Kate wish you were there...he said after his last child goes to college..he's going on tour. You. me. and the girls. road.trip.

for my ladies

A friend gave this to me when I was a freshman in college.

when i was 18.

I needed to read it then.

much like i need to read it now.

enjoy.

I made her. She is different. She is unique.

With Love I formed her in her mother’s womb.

I fashioned her with great joy.

I remember with pleasure the day I created her.

To me she is beautiful.

I love her.

I love her smile. I love her ways.

I love to hear her laugh and see the silly things she does.

She is herself and no one else.

This is how I made her.

I made her pretty, but not beautiful

Because I know her heart,

And I knew that she would be vain.

I wanted her to search her heart, and learn that in Me,

She would be beautiful.

It would be my spirit that would draw people to her.

I made her such a way that she would need me.

I made her a little more lonesome than she would like to be,

Because I want her to turn to me in her loneliness.

I made her dependent,

So that she would depend on me.

I know that if I had not made her like this,

She would go her own way and forget about me,

Her Creator.

I have seen her broken heart,

And the tears she has cried alone.

I have been with her, and had a broken heart too.

Many times she has stumbled and fallen,

Because she would not take my hand.

She has learned hard lessons,

Because she would not listen to my voice.

So many times I have sadly watched her

Go on her way, alone.

And now she is mine again.

I made her and then I bought her.

I paid a high price for her,

I have had to reshape and remold her,

Renewing her for My plan.

It has not been easy for her or for Me.

I want her to be conformed to My image.

This is my goal I have set for her,

Because I love her.

elevator games.

so I like to go running in the mornings here.

its really cold but such a gorgeous run.

by the monuments

by the white house.

love it.

its not nearly as fun as kickboxing

but it does it's job.

so obviously

no purse while running.

that would be silly.

and i'm not one of those crazies that run with a fanny pack.

haha ok ok i have one for long runs.

but i forgot it in the ville.

so where do i put my room key you ask?

my bra of course! haha

so i jog.

life is good.

i get back.

tell the front desk it's going to be a good day.

they think i'm annoying

i grab a cup of coffee

and sometimes an apple.

and head to the elevator

now the game begins.

i have 8 floors.

to get the key out of my bra

and into my hand.

sounds simple.

oh but there are some challenges to this game.

one my gloves.

i have to get my gloves off fast.

sometimes i take them off at the end of my run.

give myself a head start.

then the coffee.

the coffee leaves me with only one hand free.

and if i have an apple.

the coffee has to be sat on the ground.

extra time wasted.

time is my biggest challenge.

8 floors isn't that much time to dig and grab.

haha

dig and grab.

just imagine my horror.

if i don't get it in time.

and the elevator door opens.

if i'm still digging

there is almost a 99% chance

someone will be standing there.

hahaha

so there is a lot at risk.

if i fail the game.

now....

just imagine how complicated the game gets.

if....

someone.is. on. the. elevator. with me.

good luck with that.

yep.

i live a life of adventure i tell you

risk.taker.

almost back to nashville.

i'm so excited.

so ready to start getting ready for Christmas

oh and

WAR EAGLE!!!!

I work with what God gives me

my life is funny.

i mean truly the best things happen to me.

the most random people.

say the most random awkward things to me.

so it's that time.

story time kids

about just a typical day in my life.

sooo the lead hair and make up guy on this show.

rocks.

dallas.

i love him.

he's kind and sweet and is the best at what he does.

so we were talking on the phone today.

trying to make sure his team has everything before they come.

and we're laughing.

i tell him to bring me a present from nyc.

tell him my favorite color is blue.

he says "ya know, i just love you! i'm going to bring you some product!"

SCORE

everyone knows i buy the $1 shampoo

so whenever i can get some expensive product.

for free.

yes!!

here is how the rest of the convo went:

dallas "you have long brown hair right? I think I remember that from last year!"

me "yes dallas, wow good memory!"

dallas "yeah it's kind of frizzes right?"

me "bahahaha well it's naturally curly, and sometimes i straighten it"

dallas "yeah i remember, it's kind of frizzy"

AWESOME.

ahha we laughed and laughed and laughed on the phone.

i mean gut laughed.

love him.

love my hair.

it has a mind of it's own.

it does what it wants.

hey. it's what God gave me.

I think you all could use a little chuckle.

i know i needed it.

laugh at yourself when you can.

it's healthy.

love you all.

i really do.

face it.

we all have fears.

fears we think we'll never get over.

but we forget.

of the fears from the past.

that we conquered.

i used to be afraid of leaving home.

i used to go to basketball camp

or girl scout camp..yeah I was a GREAT girl scout

and i would call home crying.

i thought that i would never leave home.

i ended up moving to college 3 hrs away.

i moved to nashville.

i travel the world for work.

travel to see friends.

the airport is one of my favorite places ever.

makes home even better.

i used to be afraid of running cross country.

we would run 5 miles a day at practice and i just choked and got scared

at the first meet.

got hurt.

and just thought i wasn't good enough to ever finish a race.

and i never did.

i got picked on.

i accepted it.

i just wasn't a runner.

i've now finished 3 1/2 marathons.

i used to be afraid of one of my bosses.

thought he was scary.

he was a big wig from LA.

powerful man.

i barely talked to him.

i didn't want to look stupid.

now we have talks about life and how you have to be a good person.

no matter what life throws at you work wise.

you need to keep your values.

i used to be afraid of music.

singing.

a huge passion of mine.

my journal off the page.

i was soooo afraid that people would judge my feelings.

well let's just say i'll never go back to that.

i used to be afraid of praying out loud in public.

at family dinners or at youth group.

i was NEVER the girl that made eye contact.

i did not want to be picked.

i actually never really talked about my faith in public.

it was what it was.

no one needed to know.

it was me and God.

now i get to lead youth.

get to show them.

to be used.

my point is.

at one point.

you were afraid of something.

terrified of something.

what would have happened if you never faced it?

it doesn't look so scary now does it?

but at the time.

it was huge.

what is scaring you now?

what is that thing you think "well that's just not me"?

someone said to me

"well we're not all outgoing like you, i'm shy!"

shy is a choice.

sometimes i choose to ignore people.

sometimes my nerves win.

promise. if you do it.

it won't have that power over you anymore.

but what are you missing out on if you always let your nerves win?

what is the world missing out on if you never conquer your fear?

so try.

just try.

because a fear is only you.

standing in your own way.

peace.

love.

and hair grease.