I work with what God gives me

my life is funny.

i mean truly the best things happen to me.

the most random people.

say the most random awkward things to me.

so it's that time.

story time kids

about just a typical day in my life.

sooo the lead hair and make up guy on this show.

rocks.

dallas.

i love him.

he's kind and sweet and is the best at what he does.

so we were talking on the phone today.

trying to make sure his team has everything before they come.

and we're laughing.

i tell him to bring me a present from nyc.

tell him my favorite color is blue.

he says "ya know, i just love you! i'm going to bring you some product!"

SCORE

everyone knows i buy the $1 shampoo

so whenever i can get some expensive product.

for free.

yes!!

here is how the rest of the convo went:

dallas "you have long brown hair right? I think I remember that from last year!"

me "yes dallas, wow good memory!"

dallas "yeah it's kind of frizzes right?"

me "bahahaha well it's naturally curly, and sometimes i straighten it"

dallas "yeah i remember, it's kind of frizzy"

AWESOME.

ahha we laughed and laughed and laughed on the phone.

i mean gut laughed.

love him.

love my hair.

it has a mind of it's own.

it does what it wants.

hey. it's what God gave me.

I think you all could use a little chuckle.

i know i needed it.

laugh at yourself when you can.

it's healthy.

love you all.

i really do.

face it.

we all have fears.

fears we think we'll never get over.

but we forget.

of the fears from the past.

that we conquered.

i used to be afraid of leaving home.

i used to go to basketball camp

or girl scout camp..yeah I was a GREAT girl scout

and i would call home crying.

i thought that i would never leave home.

i ended up moving to college 3 hrs away.

i moved to nashville.

i travel the world for work.

travel to see friends.

the airport is one of my favorite places ever.

makes home even better.

i used to be afraid of running cross country.

we would run 5 miles a day at practice and i just choked and got scared

at the first meet.

got hurt.

and just thought i wasn't good enough to ever finish a race.

and i never did.

i got picked on.

i accepted it.

i just wasn't a runner.

i've now finished 3 1/2 marathons.

i used to be afraid of one of my bosses.

thought he was scary.

he was a big wig from LA.

powerful man.

i barely talked to him.

i didn't want to look stupid.

now we have talks about life and how you have to be a good person.

no matter what life throws at you work wise.

you need to keep your values.

i used to be afraid of music.

singing.

a huge passion of mine.

my journal off the page.

i was soooo afraid that people would judge my feelings.

well let's just say i'll never go back to that.

i used to be afraid of praying out loud in public.

at family dinners or at youth group.

i was NEVER the girl that made eye contact.

i did not want to be picked.

i actually never really talked about my faith in public.

it was what it was.

no one needed to know.

it was me and God.

now i get to lead youth.

get to show them.

to be used.

my point is.

at one point.

you were afraid of something.

terrified of something.

what would have happened if you never faced it?

it doesn't look so scary now does it?

but at the time.

it was huge.

what is scaring you now?

what is that thing you think "well that's just not me"?

someone said to me

"well we're not all outgoing like you, i'm shy!"

shy is a choice.

sometimes i choose to ignore people.

sometimes my nerves win.

promise. if you do it.

it won't have that power over you anymore.

but what are you missing out on if you always let your nerves win?

what is the world missing out on if you never conquer your fear?

so try.

just try.

because a fear is only you.

standing in your own way.

peace.

love.

and hair grease.

it's a ripple

so i did a lot of me time today.

just thinking.

me and God.

driving in my car.

shopping for dresses for the show.

i do a lot of thinking when i'm alone.

tooo much thinking.

but i was thinking of a convo my cousin michael and i had 3 weeks ago.

we're both very similar.

we think we can change the world.

we know we can.

we both barely sleep.

our minds are always moving.

we feel like we can't take a day off.

because people are always watching.

we feel like we have to shine all the time because we don't want to miss anyone.

maybe we're going to exhaust ourselves.

but i dont know.

no one said loving people would be easy.

no one said leading this world was simple.

yes. i'm a world leader.

and if you've never thought this about yourself.

i feel bad for you.

because you can

you are.

whether you like it or not.

you're changing this world.

life is a ripple.

you don't get a choice in that.

you only get a choice in if it's a positive ripple or not.

michael said to me "linds we're ignorant to think our life is only about us. we're foolish to think every decision doesn't effect people we'll never meet!"

wow.

wow.

maybe you didn't know it.

but when you honked your horn at that car the other day.

there was a little boy in that car you honked at.

he saw it.

he saw that anger.

and somewhere.

he kept it.

and someday it'll come out.

maybe while driving he'll honk.

or maybe he'll be a yeller.

or maybe worse. who knows.

and you'll never know you taught him that.

but you did.

or that time you were at the grocery.

you were in a hurry.

and the clerk was kind of grumpy.

she said something.

you didn't have time for her.

it would have been easier to just say thanks have a great day.

but you decided

to tell her it'll be ok, we all have those days.

you shared a laugh with her.

smiled with her, she looked like she needed that.

it took no more time.

but she instantly felt a little bit better.

she smiles at the next customer.

the next customer was having a horrible day.

but now that the clerk is smiling....his day gets a little bit better too.

please know.

let's not be so blind.

our life is not about just us.

we will effect people we will never meet.

you will in some way....have an effect on my kids someday.

you will somehow have an impact on the future leader of this country.

somehow someway. something you say. a wave. a kind gesture.

so what do you want to pass on.

it can be as easy as just smiling at strangers

i know it sounds simple.

but a smile is just as contagious as a dirty look.

and a laugh.

well i truly believe a laugh is stronger than any medicine

something about it.

i truly think it goes deep into the soul.

so tomorrow.

just try.

it's not always easy.

trust me i can be the biggest grump of all.

but try.

to pass something on.

something worth passing on to people you'll never meet.

we.are.family.

Family.

can make you smile

and happy like no one else.

you are truly proud

that they can say their colors

and sit up on their own.

No two are the same.

some are teachers.

some laugh at everything.

some only speak in movie quotes.

some will be the next president.

no matter how different.

we're the same.

one family gene links us.

i think it's the sarcastic gene.

but all the same blood.

some are generations apart.

they may never understand why we don't

write letters

and why we don't pick up the phone.

we won't get why they don't know how to text

or why they can't upload photos on facebook.

one family though.

no matter what we've been through.

somehow

we put it all aside

and can just laugh.

and enjoy each other.

no matter what.

we didn't pick this.

haha we probably wouldn't pick each other.

but we were GIVEN each other.

we need each other.

thick and thin.

we're all we have.

we're blood.

we're family.

how time flies

one year ago.

i was in nyc.

thinking about buying a place.

i found one.

well it found me.

it kept coming in my inbox.

i kept deleting.

airport? tooooooo far.

kept coming in.

so i decided to call my realtor and go see it.

why not?

hooked.

immediately.

fell in love.

my mom and dad were in town for the "31 days" showing.

so they came along with lara and i.

we looked at 5 condos.

one had carpet in the restroom.

one had a bag of chips on the stairs.

ha

and one. well this one.

was perfect for me.

"the windows are old linds" my dad said to me.

i knew instantly.

this is it mom and dad.

i could picture myself drinking coffee on the deck.

i could picture my friends here drinking wine and watching a movie.

this is the one.

i knew.

it worked amazingly.

we painted it during rehearsal week.

hahaha charly hated that.

the whole crew mocked us for working 12 hrs then going to paint.

we didn't care.

we were excited.

i remember they had this. this witch in the basket. i loved her.

she's back.

wow. a whole year.

a whole year we've been here.

i remember the first week.

i scrubbed and scrubbed it.

it had a smell. a clean smell but it smelled like someone else.

i hated it.

i cried. yes i cried.

i remember sitting on my floor crying thinking this wasn't my home.

it didn't feel comfy but I would give it time.

maybe.

a whole year.

a lot of laughing.

a few tears.

we learned the single ladies/thriller/soulja boy in this place.

we've made lots of meals. and burnt some.

i learned you have to open the flue on the fireplace or the smoke will come in the house.

haha my parents have two fireplaces and i've never done that so don't judge.

we've had many guest on these couches.

we spent the summer at the pool.

we've missed HOA meetings OOOPPPSS

we watched all the episodes of LOST in 3 months.

i've baked a lot of cakes. made the floor very sticky from icing.

we've watched a lot of planes fly right above us.

we've been on a lot of those planes.

it's been a fun year.

thanks miss witch

for coming back

and reminding me

it's been a year.

here's to another year!

fall time.

i love fall.

most people do.

it's beautiful in nashville.

pumpkin spice lattes

macintosh yankee candle

football

haunted corn fields

the smell of bonfires

wearing my osu hoodie

Christmas music. yes. I start early.

holidays.

apple cider

carving pumpkins.

usually carving pumpkins poorly.

my moms potato soup.

with lumps in it. haha aka dumplings.

riding with the windows down and the heat on.

my CMA family

photographs.

they're always prettier in fall.

that's all for now.

just a few happy thoughts.

this one right here.

she's getting married.

couldn't be happier for her.

it's a blessed thing.

when you get to have joy for a friend.

some people never get to feel that.

remember the love.

we all remember

exactly

where we were when we heard.

i was coming home from volleyball practice

i walked into my dorm

and there are about 5 girls sitting in there.

i always left my door unlocked and they always crashed in my place

so this was a normal scene for me.

but the look on everyones faces

i won't ever forget.

no one knew what was going on.

everyone was in shock.

our RA grabbed her Bible and we all sat in the hall.

reading.

praying.

we had no idea what was going to happen.

they closed our campus immediately

because of the polymer science building

so we all had to leave

where were we going to go?

home was 3 hrs away.

i remember calling my mom bawling

thinking this was it

and that i was never going to see my family again.

ugh that feeling.

so i hopped in a car with some of my friends

and went to their parents

we sat around the tv for hours and cried

and prayed

and ate together

and tried to smile

but mostly cried

some of us had never been to nyc.

but it didn't matter.

it was our city.

our people.

all of us shared that pain.

we hugged and tried to tell each other it would be ok

but no one knew if it would

it's been 9 years.

9 years.

and sometimes i think we forgot what really happened that day.

a hate crime.

a horrific hate crime happened.

it doesn't matter the race. the religion.

hate is ugly no matter who does it.

a hate crime happened.

and we faced it with love.

we all came together.

ate with strangers.

cried and hugged with whomever was there.

for one day.

all we could do was love each other.

there was no other option

to love sooo deeply for those who were physically there

and love for the rest of us who were mentally attached.

we were soo sick with sadness that we would have done

anything that day for a stranger

anything.

given them food. money. let them stay at our homes.

we just loved.

because we all were suffering together.

we will always remember the day

but lets also remember what we felt.

we're all still hurting.

not just because of that day.

but because of life.

we all are suffering still.

heartache.

constantly.

so even though you may think life is dandy.

remember the days you were suffering and know

that not a day goes by that a stranger doesn't need you.

not a moment.

and 9 years ago we felt pain for someone else.

i mean physically felt someone elses heartache as our own.

we need to keep remembering that.

to keep on loving strangers.

not just when tragedy hits.

but everyday.

we don't need to remember how we felt that day.

once a year in september

everyday.

remember.

to love that deeply.

ache that hard for strangers.