boys get nervous too

i love celebrating my friends.

truly

there is something humbling and amazing

about being TRULY happy.

feeling total bliss

over someone elses happiness

tuesday we celebrated the engagement

of lara and charly

and it was a blast

so great to see everyone

celebrate them and laugh with them

it was just amazing to step back and see

all the people that love them in one room

and just see two of my favorite people

shining.

just shining out of appreciation

for everyone who is apart of their life

i made new friends

caught up with old friends

and one of my favorite guy friends was there

and making me laugh as always

we'll call him.....Baron

haha code name incase he's embarrassed

he has always had a crush on one of my friends

no shocker

she's gorgeous and an amazing person

we'll call her .....Terrie

hehe

anyways he's always thought she was a catch.

so i ask him if he's said hi and he says

"oh she's here? I haven't seen her yet!"

haha

and i was like "I just saw you looking at her fool!"

ha busted

boys pretend too.

then he goes "wow she looks beautiful tonight!"

and i said "yes Baron, she's a beautiful person, you should go tell her!"

one of our other guy friends and his girlfriend are trying to push him

telling him not to waste time

we tell him to just go over to her

and he is just soooo nervous

"she's talking to two guys right now, I can't interrupt!"

haha

wow.

guys do it too

guys get nervous

then i tell him "she could be married by the time you get over there, go!"

ha im not sure that helped him

but it made me laugh

it's just...

Baron is a really confident guy

but here he was...

nervous like a little boy.

of a girl with a little lip gloss on

because he thinks

so highly of her

so amazing what nerves can do..

so here he goes.

going to walk up to her

so he starts walking.

and walks BY her

hahaha he just kept walking

SMOOOTTHHHH BARON

hahah

so he comes back and i harass him for that move

he said "she's talking"

i was in aww

i loved it

i loved seeing a grown man

get nervous for a girl in heels.

what i loved even more

was that later that night...

he actually did walk up to her

and tell her how beautiful she looked.

and then they talked.

just like that.

he was nervous but did it anyways

and at the end of the night asked for her number

and now someone that was a friend of a friend.

is now that much closer to him.

just like that.

it's good to know guys get nervous too.

i loved seeing it

being on that side of it.

and it may go no where

but it was great to see.

a boy nervous.

he would have rather gotten rejected

than not tell the girl

she looked beautiful.

made my heart happy.

needed to share

everyone needs a little romance

THE END

or maybe just the beginning :)

pack your lunch today

times are hard
money is tight
i know this
we all do
so sometimes donating
to things
is tough
i get this as well

but it's important
important for our hearts
to let go of what we think we need
money

and give it to something or someone else

and maybe you think
"eh I need it more!"
and maybe you do

but pass it on anyways

maybe you did donate money to someone that
needs it less than you
but maybe it's more than the money
maybe it's the gesture
no not maybe
it is the gesture
it's the feeling of sharing and giving
there was a purpose to mothers everywhere
for generations
teach the importance of sharing
to their toddlers

i hope we didn't all forget it.
to share
that what is yours isn't actually just yours
it's meant to share.
it doesn't something to the giver
and the receiver


so here is my challenge
hha yeah i like challenges
save up your money
get $10 together
skip a starbucks.
pack a lean cuisine and skip going out to lunch.
drink water instead of diet coke for a week.

here is something
that would be better spent

meet andy
here is his story.
I don't need to explain it.
read it.

Komen Atlanta Race for the Cure® May 7, 2011 Dear Friends and Family, I recently accepted the challenge to raise funds to support the 21st Annual Komen Atlanta Race for the Cure on May 7th in the fight against breast cancer. One in eight women will be diagnosed with breast cancer in her lifetime and the more we raise, the more Komen Atlanta can give back to the community through breast cancer education, screening and treatment programs as well as supporting the national search for a cure. Click here to visit my personal page and pledge your support. Please join me in the fight by pledging in support of my participation in the Race or contributing generously to the 2011 Komen Atlanta Race for the Cure®. Your tax-deductible contribution will help Komen Atlanta continue to enable women and men in the Atlanta community detect and survive breast cancer. It is faster and easier than ever to support this great cause - you can make a donation online by simply clicking on the link at the bottom of this message. If you would prefer, you can also send your tax-deductible contribution to the address listed below. Whatever you can give will help! I truly appreciate your support and will keep you posted on my progress. Thank you so much for your time and support in the fight against breast cancer! Every step counts! Sincerely, Andy Stilts To sponsor my participation online, click here. If you would like to mail a donation to Komen Atlanta in support of my participation, please print off my donation form from my personal page and mail the completed form along with your check to: Komen Atlanta Race for the Cure P.O. Box 934611 Atlanta, GA 31193

Susan G. Komen for the Cure - Greater Atlanta Affiliate 4840 Roswell Road, Building D, Suite 100 Atlanta, Georgia, 30342 Affiliate Home | Race Home | Email Preferences

it's more than the money.
it's what it will feel like when a random stranger
donates to this page
and says "hey. I don't know you bud. but i support and pray for you!"
it's not hard.
it's just not.
pass it on to more random people.

this will effect you.
and them more than you'll probably know.

bye.
love you.
mean it.

bucket list this

i've never had a bucket list
because i believe in living in the moment
but i recently sat in a food court
in vegas
talking with long lost friend
and a new friend
in the casino
ha it was a blast.
and one of them said "what do you want in life?"
and i said "I don't know, i like everything, i love everything!"
and he said "that's not what i asked, what do you want?"
and i said "i don't know!"
and he said "well decide what you want, make goals and go!"

soooo here are some goals/bucket list ideas

i want to take a vacation on a train
just spend like 4 days
traveling by train
straight up white Christmas style
no cell phones
no distractions
just looking outside

i want to go to prom.
not 80's prom
maybe a formal
is this possible? ha
i don't know
but get asked out like the southern boys do
some really original way
go to dinner with a large group
and dance the night away
and all of us will be prom queen
oh and then we'll all go play basketball
on those inflatable things at post prom
haha

i want to go on a hot air balloon.
i'll probably be scared out of my mind
but it's about in the same category as unicorns
truly
it's one of those things you see from afar
but never see up close
ok ive never seen a unicorn from afar but you know what i mean

i want a summer house on a beach
with my husband
i'm not married
and i dont have a boyfriend
ha but i want a boyfriend
not just any boyfriend
a great one.
someday when we're ready..
we'll find each other
and we'll live on a beach.
in the summer
maybe just for a summer
like you read about in the nicolas sparks books
live on a beach. eat cereal
play games at night
go for walks
on a beach
just the two of us.
i want both of those
a husband and a beach

i want to hear someone else sing one of my songs.
i want to make this a goal
by the end of my summer
for a nashville artist love one of my songs
so much..
the song becomes something
they went through
something so personal
they have to sing it
i need that
and this will happen

i want to show love
to as many people as possible
be selfless
and it's hard
because sometimes i just want to dislike people
or rather ignore them
it's sometimes easier to ignore people that are mean
than deal with the fact that
they hate themselves and life
and don't know love
but i want to love people that i don't like
love them because
that's what they need
"those that seem the least loveable need the most love"
that's what i would pray when my sister was about to get punched in the face
by me.
hahah
but love. even when it's easier to walk away

this isn't all of my goals
but it's a start
saying it out loud makes it less scary
my dad and i watched karate kid this week
and it was so good. and one quote
really just made me tear up
yep i'm a cryer.
NO ONE wants to watch rudy with me.
no one.
but the quote was this.

Mr. Han: You don't need to fight anymore. You have proven everything you need to prove.
Dre Parker: What, that I can get beat up easy and then quit? That's not balance, that's not real kung fu. You said that when life knocks you down, you could choose whether or not to get back up. Well, I'm trying to get back up, and why won't you help me?
Mr. Han: Because I cannot watch you get hurt anymore.
Dre Parker: Please, Mr. Han, please.
Mr. Han: Just tell me, Xiao Dre, why? Why do you need to go back out there so badly?
Dre Parker: Because I'm still scared. And no matter what happens, tonight, when I leave, I don't want to be scared anymore.

i'm big on goals.
big on fear
big on kicking fear in the face
and then singing "superwoman" loudly

better on the radio

i love love love spring
i love the first time i get to wear flip flops
the first time i wear a hoodie and no coat
the first time i ride with my moon roof down
(even if i have to have the heat on while doing it)

one of the things i do
when it becomes spring
is listen to my summer music
to get me ready for summertime fun
mostly country
some colbie
anything that reminds me of being outside
around a bonfire
swimming at the lake
ahhh spring.

and of course i want to immediately make a play list on my ipod
but i get the most joy when it comes on the radio
what is it about when you hear a song on the radio?
today i heard paisley's "the world" on the radio
and screamed and turned it up so loud and sang.
haha
i have it on my ipod
i've listened to it 100 times
i can listen to it all day everyday if i wanted
but there is something about hearing it on the radio
it just makes it that special
makes it like God wanted me to hear that song.

when i was a kid.
i would play that game with God.
alllll the time
"OK God..the next song is a sign."
whatever is on.
that is what you are saying to me.
haha and when it was hanson "mmm bop"
i would just assume it meant i was supposed to marry taylor hanson.
ha seriously allll the time i played that game

i actually decided to move to nashville bc of a tim mcgraw song.
true story.

anywho.
something about when it comes on randomly
when i didn't make the song happen.
that it makes it so much more.

i forget about this all the time when it comes to life.
if you want that "wow. amazing" moment
you've got to let it happen.
you've got to stop making a playlist.
and just let it show up on the radio on it's own.

i know it's cheesy but seriously.
so many times i try so hard to make the miracles happen.
i want to hear a song.
i play it.
i want to see someone.
i see them.
but some of my favorite moments are when
the unexpected happen.
when my favorite song comes on at 6a when i'm leaving for work.
when a friend surprises me because i didn't have time to plan anything
when i run into a familiar face in a random city.

some of my most "God" moments are when he surprises me.
when i see someone my heart needed to see.
in the most random place.
in a random city
at a random time.
i'm reminded.
how small i am.

when those random things happen.
i like to believe that's God reminding me.
he has it.
he knows exactly what song my heart needs to hear.
he knows which friend i need.
or which guy is meant for me.

i love it.
so as much as i love to plan
and try to organize.
my favorite time is when i'm totally knocked on my butt.
when my favorite song comes on the radio.
and i just happened to be in my car
at that time
on that station.
to hear it.
i just love music. ahhhh




fun picture for the day.
amanda changing sheets
on this nasty bus we used for a shoot
bhahaha made me laugh.
she makes me laugh.

when i was a kid

i can't plan anything
my life never has a schedule
i put a few key dates on a calendar
my niece and nephew's birthday parties
the weddings of two of my best friends
beach trips
and then the rest is up i the air
my family and friends know this
they THANKFULLY love me anyways

lately i've been feeling sad about missing things.
younglife
dinner nights.
kickboxing
just seeing faces of the ones i love.
feeling guilty and sad that i can't plan it better.
that work or something always gets in the way.

then i realize life isn't in the way.
that is LIVING life.
i'm really living my life.
sometimes i feel so busy
that i barely ever stop.
but that's not doing too much.
that's just living my life.

when i was growing up
i never had a plan of who i was going to be
i was never the kid that said
"when i grow up I will be ______"
I never knew
never cared what i would be.
i knew one thing
i knew i wouldnt just sit around
i wouldnt just watch life
i didn't know how i would do this
but i knew that i was going to live it.

i didn't know where i was going to live
when i grew up
i just knew lima/waynesfield would always be home
i didn't know how far i'd be from my family
but i knew that i would always be close
i just knew i was going to go wherever i felt called.
that i would follow my heart there.
and not be scared.
that's what i thought when i was a kid

i had no idea what type of guy i would marry
haha obviously still don't
no idea if he'd be tall or short
honestly i have never had a "type"
i only knew that he would love God
knew that he would love people family and friends with all he had
no idea where he would be from.
but knew we would work hard
laugh hard.
at the future together.
i believed in romance
when i was a kid.

i knew i'd always have the best friends in the world.
i didn't know who they would be.
or who they would look like.
but i knew one thing
that they would love me for me
because i loved me for me.
i knew we'd laugh wherever we were.
and we would always have fun and never grow up.
that's what i thought
when i was a kid

my life is total chaos.
i don't sleep.
i'm never in the same town
and i never really even sit down
and im tired of seeing this as a flaw
im done feeling guilty
i'm living my life
just like i had hoped as a kid

i try hard to live my life
and i think
if 10-year-old lindsay
could see 27-year-old lindsay

she would be so happy.

bc i love with EVERYTHING
and sometimes i miss things
but i think i'm good at not making excuses
so if i miss something it doesn't mean i failed
it means i am just living life

and when my hair is in a pony tail
i feel like the same 7-yr-old tomboy
that would come home dirty
with all sorts of bruises
but i always had fun stories to tell mom and dad

and life is still giving me bruises
but it still hands me some amazing random and funny stories.
and i still always laugh
all the time.

so maybe my life is totally nuts
but i guess a better way to look at it is
this is the life
i wanted as a kid
a life lived and not watched
a life that when im in the retirement home
with the girls
helping mandy find her teeth that she keeps losing
we'll sit and talk about how great it all was.

i will look back and not have a single regret
i won't remember the one dinner i missed
because i will remember all the ones i worked really hard to get to
and all the tears and heart i put into life
the life i could only could have dreamed of
when i was as kid.

and side note

if you think my hair is a mess now.

haha you should have seen it then.

holy nasty tangles.

baha no seriously.

loves.

get out of the car

i was talking with Carrie yesterday.

always amazing with that one.

she's a very wise soul.

and she is trying out a new church in Jersey.

so when she went on Sunday

she said she sat in her car for awhile.

she had a hard time going into a church by herself.

what if she didn't like it?

but she went.

and it was better than she could have ever thought.

and i started laughing because lately.

i had noticed i have been sitting in my car for things.

literally.

sitting in my car.

i will drive there.

and then get sooooo nervous i just sit in the parking lot.

thinking of driving away.

haha.

God has been putting a lot of things that i have been fearing.

in my path.

and i'm enjoying it.

it's changing me more than i ever could have imagined.

younglife clubs.

or really even just going to the girls house.

everytime.

i sit in my car for a few minutes.

nervous.

just thinking...

ahhhh this is hard..this is tough...

what if they ask me too hard of a question?

what if i don't know what to say?

but i go.

and everytime.

it is a blessing.

music.

i went to write with friends yesterday.

friends.

it just happened to be on music row though.

so i got soooo nervous.

i drove by the building

4 times.

not twice.

4 times.

haha then i sat in my car.

i was like "this is stupid, what am I doing?"

then i thought.

eventually

if i want to keep writing

i will have to get out of this car.

i will have to go.

carry my guitar in public.

write in public.

no more hiding the thought in my room.

with a crush.

everytime.

we hang out.

i just sit in my car.

nervous and scared.

what if he hates me?

what if i make an idiot of myself?

what if...what?

everytime i sit in my car before

i think...it's time to be nervous over a boy again.

it's time to not let your nerves win lindsay.

(yes i talk to myself. haha all the time. my own pep talks get me through the day)

whether it's over a boy.

or writing.

or talking about God with my new friends at BA.

everytime i get out of that car.

my fear gets a little more weak

it gets smaller.

and my faith gets bigger.

everytime i'm scared.

God shows up.

he takes what I think is me...what i make about me and my strength

and he shows up.. and takes it.

shows me he's got it, if i just take the step.

for any of my close friends.

they know all of the above have been huge fears in my life.

my poor friends.

have heard me talk about music for years.

and crushes for years.

im sure this makes you all a tad happy too.

"finally that big baby stopped talking and did some walking!"

but everytime.

i open the door to my car.

put on my smile

and say "hello im here!"

my faith becomes an action.

and my fear gets a little more weak.

and the world changes for the better a little bit more.

so i'm going to keep going.

someday you're going to have to walk.

if you want a change.

we all have fears.

we all sit in our cars and think "this is stupid."

sometimes we drive away

sometimes we take the easy way.

but the change.

the change comes from parking and getting out.

growing up.

you know.

i could possibly be the most immature person you know.

i laugh at all the inappropriate times.

i giggle at the word "butt"

and forget it if someone farts.

and i STILL laugh at "that's what she said"

i'm a 12 year old boy.

so i was for sure i would never grow up.

ever.

but i did.

and don't worry grandma (who once told me 'if you ever grow up you'll break my heart')

i'm still your little immature baby.

i still like to tp houses.

i still like to start food fights.

i love to play flashlight tag.

but i had to grow up.

and no it wasn't the bills

and it wasn't work.

it was taking responsibility for life.

and others.

there comes a point...when you realize.

your life is not just for you.

where carrying burdens for others is part of life.

it's part of growing up.

helping a parent get through something that a child shouldn't have to.

seeing them age.

seeing them struggle with their parents getting older.

when you still want to be the kid.

but listening to them anyways.

because that's what they've always done for you.

that's growing up.

or constantly asking a friend how they are.

even if their pain and struggle with love and life

breaks your heart every time.

you do it because you know if you can take part of the hurt

just part of it for them

you've helped.

that's growing up.

it's looking forward to Christmas not for the gifts you get

but the pure joy of watching your niece and nephew open their presents.

even though the little goobers only like the boxes and paper.

that's what makes you most happy.

or the fact when they puke all over you

you don't care.

you're just happy they still let you hold them.

that's growing up.

it's being a friend for someone when you want to be more than friends.

it's knowing their heart needs time but needs your smile to get through it.

it's putting your feelings aside to be there for someone.

being anything more would only cause more confusion.

but not being there would make them have to do it alone.

because they need you.

that is growing up.

it's going to a funeral.

when you really feel uncomfortable and out of place.

but going because that person was a friend of your friends.

and even though you never knew them.

you go ahead and feel that pain too.

so when your friend sees your face there

they know you are there for them.

that's growing up.

don't get me wrong.

i'm far from perfect and i miss a lot of chances to grow up.

but i'm realizing that just making sure i feel ok

making sure i'm happy and my life is ok

is not what i was meant to do.

it's not who i was meant to be.

we're meant to get out of our comfort

and carry burdens that aren't ours.

make them ours too.

stress for someone else.

it adds hurt and more trouble on our hearts than we should have to deal with.

it's almost like going out of your way to add pain to your heart.

but if you can carry some.

just a little for someone else.

that. that is growing up.

ok on a happy note.

this is about the only picture i have of Christmas this year.

ha one for the books.

it's my brother and i playing wii tennis.

i threw out my shoulder swinging so hard.

loser.

this was right before i got really sick.

i actually think i quit this game to go lay down.

haha so this picture makes me laugh

because i look like im going to puke on him.

love my family.