off the hook

the doctor told me to take time and relax.

ha he knew when he said it, and i laughed.

that i wouldn't listen to him.

but i'm trying.

i've got 3 books in front of me.

i've played words with friends.

watched a ton of sappy movies.

painted my cabinets.

ok ha that's not relaxing but hey, i'm trying.

and when i spend enough time alone.

i think.

a lot.

i usually get mad at myself.

at a situation i can't control.

i usually laugh to myself.

and i ALWAYS sing.

me and God.

we're a duet.

anywho.

there are certain things.

i really. really beat myself up on.

and i've decided.

to let go.

let myself off the hook.

i can't control life.

i can't.

and as long as i'm walking and looking for God.

he will continue to guide me.

sooo if that square peg that i'm trying to squeeze and shove into the round hole

isn't fitting.

i'm going to let it go.

instead of being sooo mean to myself.

i decided to really love myself.

i know i'm loved by friends.

and my family more than i can ever love them back.

but i decided

to love myself.

stop being so mean and hard on myself.

now i am a very happy person.

i can even be a tad cocky sometimes.

ha but i'm saying.

when it comes to those things.

those people.

i can't push where i wan't them to go.

i'm going to let myself off the hook.

what are the things you can't control but still try?

and the things you blame yourself for that you really shouldn't?

i say 2011 is the year to let yourself off the hook.

have some faith.

let go and see what happens when you're not pushing.

OK confession.

you all know i'm a sap.

i love romance. love it.

well. this is uber sappy.

but sometimes. when i need to be remided it's out there.

i go to youtube.

and watch videos of jim and pam from the office.

haha i know i know.

it's tv.

not "real"

but it reminds me that it may be on tv.

but it can be real.

it just takes a risk.

i'm ready for a risk.

and a cute jim too

;)

love me some Buble.

Thank you Garth

I don't even know where to begin.

i don't.

this is going to be rambling.

but i don't care.

my blog.

i can do what i want.

garth.

thanks.

seriously, i've known i've always loved you.

but wow. wow.

to see your gift and passion.

in person.

wow.

this man.

had everyone screaming.

all ages.

not because he's this icon.

because he sings songs.

songs that touched EVERYONE IN THAT ROOM.

lyrics that people used to make life decisions.

using "unanswered prayers" to get through a loss.

or "the dance" about taking risk, no regrets.

or "friends in low places" to celebrate they're crazy friends.

most of the time. he would just stop singing.

because everyone was singing sooo loud.

because hearing the songs live.

hearing others sing the songs.

meant no one in that room was alone.

that was what Garth did.

and he said that he wasn't the most talented person on stage.

that most of his band was more talented.

and not knocking him

but musically, he's probably right.

he plays rhythmic guitar and has a normal vocal range.

so what is it?

what makes him special?

he is doing.

what he is meant to do.

you can see it on his face.

you can hear it in the voices of everyone singing to his songs.

his lyrics.

the lyrics that soo many people needed in their lives.

what if he wouldn't have ever conquered his fear of the stage?

what if he would have let the fact that his guitar player in the band was better at guitar than him?

or maybe the fact that his background vocals could out sing him?

i just.

when you have a passion

i don't even know.

i love music so much.

and not because i live in nashville.

it's something i was born with.

we all have a passion.

and i just. God uses music to speak to me. like he does others.

i mean i felt like i was in church last night. seriously

when he started playing "the river"

Too many times we stand aside
And let the waters slip away
'Til what we put off 'til tomorrow
Has now become today
So don't you sit upon the shoreline
And say you're satisfied
Choose to chance the rapids
And dare to dance the tide

seriously. seriously.

dreaming isn't just for the ones on stage.

everyone.

is meant to shine like that.

everyone.

so you can't sing. or dance. or lead the country in politics.

everyone EVERYONE is meant to shine like that.

everyone has a calling like that.

we're all meant to move mountains.

move each other.

ahhhhhhh

and he didn't play my favorite "standing outside the fire" but it didn't matter.

he kept coming back on the stage, because we wouldn't stop cheering.

and just sang acoustic,with out his band.

at one point he saw a sign, for a cover song he once did.

and he said "yeah I don't even know how to play that song, I've never played it on my guitar. No way that is happening!"

then he just started strumming.

he just started trying.

in front of 20,000 people.

he was just WINGING IT...

after he said "no way"

he did it anyways.

And then the part that made me cry.

truly. i'm a baby.

was the fact.

he could have done 9 shows wherever.

but he did it for Nashville.

2 shows some nights.

he could have done 5 but he did 9.

he brought all those tourist into town.

business. into the city.

just another person that refuses to see a flood beat music city.

I can't explain the feeling that brings.

when you saw the city defeated by the weather.

and you see it rebuilt by it's people.

and love.

ok so this is totally random but this is how I feel. scattered and just inspired. inspired.

we all need to keep going.

keep scaring ourselves.

keep shining.

"heaven's not beyond the clouds, it's just beyond the fear"-gb

PS Kate wish you were there...he said after his last child goes to college..he's going on tour. You. me. and the girls. road.trip.

for my ladies

A friend gave this to me when I was a freshman in college.

when i was 18.

I needed to read it then.

much like i need to read it now.

enjoy.

I made her. She is different. She is unique.

With Love I formed her in her mother’s womb.

I fashioned her with great joy.

I remember with pleasure the day I created her.

To me she is beautiful.

I love her.

I love her smile. I love her ways.

I love to hear her laugh and see the silly things she does.

She is herself and no one else.

This is how I made her.

I made her pretty, but not beautiful

Because I know her heart,

And I knew that she would be vain.

I wanted her to search her heart, and learn that in Me,

She would be beautiful.

It would be my spirit that would draw people to her.

I made her such a way that she would need me.

I made her a little more lonesome than she would like to be,

Because I want her to turn to me in her loneliness.

I made her dependent,

So that she would depend on me.

I know that if I had not made her like this,

She would go her own way and forget about me,

Her Creator.

I have seen her broken heart,

And the tears she has cried alone.

I have been with her, and had a broken heart too.

Many times she has stumbled and fallen,

Because she would not take my hand.

She has learned hard lessons,

Because she would not listen to my voice.

So many times I have sadly watched her

Go on her way, alone.

And now she is mine again.

I made her and then I bought her.

I paid a high price for her,

I have had to reshape and remold her,

Renewing her for My plan.

It has not been easy for her or for Me.

I want her to be conformed to My image.

This is my goal I have set for her,

Because I love her.

elevator games.

so I like to go running in the mornings here.

its really cold but such a gorgeous run.

by the monuments

by the white house.

love it.

its not nearly as fun as kickboxing

but it does it's job.

so obviously

no purse while running.

that would be silly.

and i'm not one of those crazies that run with a fanny pack.

haha ok ok i have one for long runs.

but i forgot it in the ville.

so where do i put my room key you ask?

my bra of course! haha

so i jog.

life is good.

i get back.

tell the front desk it's going to be a good day.

they think i'm annoying

i grab a cup of coffee

and sometimes an apple.

and head to the elevator

now the game begins.

i have 8 floors.

to get the key out of my bra

and into my hand.

sounds simple.

oh but there are some challenges to this game.

one my gloves.

i have to get my gloves off fast.

sometimes i take them off at the end of my run.

give myself a head start.

then the coffee.

the coffee leaves me with only one hand free.

and if i have an apple.

the coffee has to be sat on the ground.

extra time wasted.

time is my biggest challenge.

8 floors isn't that much time to dig and grab.

haha

dig and grab.

just imagine my horror.

if i don't get it in time.

and the elevator door opens.

if i'm still digging

there is almost a 99% chance

someone will be standing there.

hahaha

so there is a lot at risk.

if i fail the game.

now....

just imagine how complicated the game gets.

if....

someone.is. on. the. elevator. with me.

good luck with that.

yep.

i live a life of adventure i tell you

risk.taker.

almost back to nashville.

i'm so excited.

so ready to start getting ready for Christmas

oh and

WAR EAGLE!!!!

I work with what God gives me

my life is funny.

i mean truly the best things happen to me.

the most random people.

say the most random awkward things to me.

so it's that time.

story time kids

about just a typical day in my life.

sooo the lead hair and make up guy on this show.

rocks.

dallas.

i love him.

he's kind and sweet and is the best at what he does.

so we were talking on the phone today.

trying to make sure his team has everything before they come.

and we're laughing.

i tell him to bring me a present from nyc.

tell him my favorite color is blue.

he says "ya know, i just love you! i'm going to bring you some product!"

SCORE

everyone knows i buy the $1 shampoo

so whenever i can get some expensive product.

for free.

yes!!

here is how the rest of the convo went:

dallas "you have long brown hair right? I think I remember that from last year!"

me "yes dallas, wow good memory!"

dallas "yeah it's kind of frizzes right?"

me "bahahaha well it's naturally curly, and sometimes i straighten it"

dallas "yeah i remember, it's kind of frizzy"

AWESOME.

ahha we laughed and laughed and laughed on the phone.

i mean gut laughed.

love him.

love my hair.

it has a mind of it's own.

it does what it wants.

hey. it's what God gave me.

I think you all could use a little chuckle.

i know i needed it.

laugh at yourself when you can.

it's healthy.

love you all.

i really do.

face it.

we all have fears.

fears we think we'll never get over.

but we forget.

of the fears from the past.

that we conquered.

i used to be afraid of leaving home.

i used to go to basketball camp

or girl scout camp..yeah I was a GREAT girl scout

and i would call home crying.

i thought that i would never leave home.

i ended up moving to college 3 hrs away.

i moved to nashville.

i travel the world for work.

travel to see friends.

the airport is one of my favorite places ever.

makes home even better.

i used to be afraid of running cross country.

we would run 5 miles a day at practice and i just choked and got scared

at the first meet.

got hurt.

and just thought i wasn't good enough to ever finish a race.

and i never did.

i got picked on.

i accepted it.

i just wasn't a runner.

i've now finished 3 1/2 marathons.

i used to be afraid of one of my bosses.

thought he was scary.

he was a big wig from LA.

powerful man.

i barely talked to him.

i didn't want to look stupid.

now we have talks about life and how you have to be a good person.

no matter what life throws at you work wise.

you need to keep your values.

i used to be afraid of music.

singing.

a huge passion of mine.

my journal off the page.

i was soooo afraid that people would judge my feelings.

well let's just say i'll never go back to that.

i used to be afraid of praying out loud in public.

at family dinners or at youth group.

i was NEVER the girl that made eye contact.

i did not want to be picked.

i actually never really talked about my faith in public.

it was what it was.

no one needed to know.

it was me and God.

now i get to lead youth.

get to show them.

to be used.

my point is.

at one point.

you were afraid of something.

terrified of something.

what would have happened if you never faced it?

it doesn't look so scary now does it?

but at the time.

it was huge.

what is scaring you now?

what is that thing you think "well that's just not me"?

someone said to me

"well we're not all outgoing like you, i'm shy!"

shy is a choice.

sometimes i choose to ignore people.

sometimes my nerves win.

promise. if you do it.

it won't have that power over you anymore.

but what are you missing out on if you always let your nerves win?

what is the world missing out on if you never conquer your fear?

so try.

just try.

because a fear is only you.

standing in your own way.

peace.

love.

and hair grease.

it's a ripple

so i did a lot of me time today.

just thinking.

me and God.

driving in my car.

shopping for dresses for the show.

i do a lot of thinking when i'm alone.

tooo much thinking.

but i was thinking of a convo my cousin michael and i had 3 weeks ago.

we're both very similar.

we think we can change the world.

we know we can.

we both barely sleep.

our minds are always moving.

we feel like we can't take a day off.

because people are always watching.

we feel like we have to shine all the time because we don't want to miss anyone.

maybe we're going to exhaust ourselves.

but i dont know.

no one said loving people would be easy.

no one said leading this world was simple.

yes. i'm a world leader.

and if you've never thought this about yourself.

i feel bad for you.

because you can

you are.

whether you like it or not.

you're changing this world.

life is a ripple.

you don't get a choice in that.

you only get a choice in if it's a positive ripple or not.

michael said to me "linds we're ignorant to think our life is only about us. we're foolish to think every decision doesn't effect people we'll never meet!"

wow.

wow.

maybe you didn't know it.

but when you honked your horn at that car the other day.

there was a little boy in that car you honked at.

he saw it.

he saw that anger.

and somewhere.

he kept it.

and someday it'll come out.

maybe while driving he'll honk.

or maybe he'll be a yeller.

or maybe worse. who knows.

and you'll never know you taught him that.

but you did.

or that time you were at the grocery.

you were in a hurry.

and the clerk was kind of grumpy.

she said something.

you didn't have time for her.

it would have been easier to just say thanks have a great day.

but you decided

to tell her it'll be ok, we all have those days.

you shared a laugh with her.

smiled with her, she looked like she needed that.

it took no more time.

but she instantly felt a little bit better.

she smiles at the next customer.

the next customer was having a horrible day.

but now that the clerk is smiling....his day gets a little bit better too.

please know.

let's not be so blind.

our life is not about just us.

we will effect people we will never meet.

you will in some way....have an effect on my kids someday.

you will somehow have an impact on the future leader of this country.

somehow someway. something you say. a wave. a kind gesture.

so what do you want to pass on.

it can be as easy as just smiling at strangers

i know it sounds simple.

but a smile is just as contagious as a dirty look.

and a laugh.

well i truly believe a laugh is stronger than any medicine

something about it.

i truly think it goes deep into the soul.

so tomorrow.

just try.

it's not always easy.

trust me i can be the biggest grump of all.

but try.

to pass something on.

something worth passing on to people you'll never meet.

we.are.family.

Family.

can make you smile

and happy like no one else.

you are truly proud

that they can say their colors

and sit up on their own.

No two are the same.

some are teachers.

some laugh at everything.

some only speak in movie quotes.

some will be the next president.

no matter how different.

we're the same.

one family gene links us.

i think it's the sarcastic gene.

but all the same blood.

some are generations apart.

they may never understand why we don't

write letters

and why we don't pick up the phone.

we won't get why they don't know how to text

or why they can't upload photos on facebook.

one family though.

no matter what we've been through.

somehow

we put it all aside

and can just laugh.

and enjoy each other.

no matter what.

we didn't pick this.

haha we probably wouldn't pick each other.

but we were GIVEN each other.

we need each other.

thick and thin.

we're all we have.

we're blood.

we're family.

how time flies

one year ago.

i was in nyc.

thinking about buying a place.

i found one.

well it found me.

it kept coming in my inbox.

i kept deleting.

airport? tooooooo far.

kept coming in.

so i decided to call my realtor and go see it.

why not?

hooked.

immediately.

fell in love.

my mom and dad were in town for the "31 days" showing.

so they came along with lara and i.

we looked at 5 condos.

one had carpet in the restroom.

one had a bag of chips on the stairs.

ha

and one. well this one.

was perfect for me.

"the windows are old linds" my dad said to me.

i knew instantly.

this is it mom and dad.

i could picture myself drinking coffee on the deck.

i could picture my friends here drinking wine and watching a movie.

this is the one.

i knew.

it worked amazingly.

we painted it during rehearsal week.

hahaha charly hated that.

the whole crew mocked us for working 12 hrs then going to paint.

we didn't care.

we were excited.

i remember they had this. this witch in the basket. i loved her.

she's back.

wow. a whole year.

a whole year we've been here.

i remember the first week.

i scrubbed and scrubbed it.

it had a smell. a clean smell but it smelled like someone else.

i hated it.

i cried. yes i cried.

i remember sitting on my floor crying thinking this wasn't my home.

it didn't feel comfy but I would give it time.

maybe.

a whole year.

a lot of laughing.

a few tears.

we learned the single ladies/thriller/soulja boy in this place.

we've made lots of meals. and burnt some.

i learned you have to open the flue on the fireplace or the smoke will come in the house.

haha my parents have two fireplaces and i've never done that so don't judge.

we've had many guest on these couches.

we spent the summer at the pool.

we've missed HOA meetings OOOPPPSS

we watched all the episodes of LOST in 3 months.

i've baked a lot of cakes. made the floor very sticky from icing.

we've watched a lot of planes fly right above us.

we've been on a lot of those planes.

it's been a fun year.

thanks miss witch

for coming back

and reminding me

it's been a year.

here's to another year!

fall time.

i love fall.

most people do.

it's beautiful in nashville.

pumpkin spice lattes

macintosh yankee candle

football

haunted corn fields

the smell of bonfires

wearing my osu hoodie

Christmas music. yes. I start early.

holidays.

apple cider

carving pumpkins.

usually carving pumpkins poorly.

my moms potato soup.

with lumps in it. haha aka dumplings.

riding with the windows down and the heat on.

my CMA family

photographs.

they're always prettier in fall.

that's all for now.

just a few happy thoughts.

this one right here.

she's getting married.

couldn't be happier for her.

it's a blessed thing.

when you get to have joy for a friend.

some people never get to feel that.

remember the love.

we all remember

exactly

where we were when we heard.

i was coming home from volleyball practice

i walked into my dorm

and there are about 5 girls sitting in there.

i always left my door unlocked and they always crashed in my place

so this was a normal scene for me.

but the look on everyones faces

i won't ever forget.

no one knew what was going on.

everyone was in shock.

our RA grabbed her Bible and we all sat in the hall.

reading.

praying.

we had no idea what was going to happen.

they closed our campus immediately

because of the polymer science building

so we all had to leave

where were we going to go?

home was 3 hrs away.

i remember calling my mom bawling

thinking this was it

and that i was never going to see my family again.

ugh that feeling.

so i hopped in a car with some of my friends

and went to their parents

we sat around the tv for hours and cried

and prayed

and ate together

and tried to smile

but mostly cried

some of us had never been to nyc.

but it didn't matter.

it was our city.

our people.

all of us shared that pain.

we hugged and tried to tell each other it would be ok

but no one knew if it would

it's been 9 years.

9 years.

and sometimes i think we forgot what really happened that day.

a hate crime.

a horrific hate crime happened.

it doesn't matter the race. the religion.

hate is ugly no matter who does it.

a hate crime happened.

and we faced it with love.

we all came together.

ate with strangers.

cried and hugged with whomever was there.

for one day.

all we could do was love each other.

there was no other option

to love sooo deeply for those who were physically there

and love for the rest of us who were mentally attached.

we were soo sick with sadness that we would have done

anything that day for a stranger

anything.

given them food. money. let them stay at our homes.

we just loved.

because we all were suffering together.

we will always remember the day

but lets also remember what we felt.

we're all still hurting.

not just because of that day.

but because of life.

we all are suffering still.

heartache.

constantly.

so even though you may think life is dandy.

remember the days you were suffering and know

that not a day goes by that a stranger doesn't need you.

not a moment.

and 9 years ago we felt pain for someone else.

i mean physically felt someone elses heartache as our own.

we need to keep remembering that.

to keep on loving strangers.

not just when tragedy hits.

but everyday.

we don't need to remember how we felt that day.

once a year in september

everyday.

remember.

to love that deeply.

ache that hard for strangers.

how do you see it?

ok so this summer.

haha oh this summer.

i wish everyone could have a summer.

where they are totally humbled

and taken COMPLETELY out of their comfort zone.

i don't even feel like lindsay this summer.

i was telling my roommate the other night

"I don't even know where i fit anymore, i just know i have to keep going on this path and it will make sense someday"

anywho.

its been a think too much kind of summer.

but in a great way.

i think it's good to evaluate yourself everyonce in awhile.

i've learned two very big things.

one

I HATE TRAFFIC.

hate it.

hate it

hate it.

rush hour= stinky cheese

yuck.

two.

i have too much pride.

too much.

i never thought i did.

but i do.

and one comes in the form of people.

now i love people.

if i could put everyone in my pocket

i would.

but sometimes

especially this past year.

i've felt really used.

people liking my job more than me

i got pretty jaded last year ( i hate the word jaded. its kind of cheap, but it fits)

people talking music all the time.

people talking tv.

this one "hey if you ever need anyone, let me know, i'll work for free"

or "tell me about so and so.."

i felt like this whole town was fake.

everyone was fake.

everyone was going out to be seen.

everyone was trying to use everyone else.

(I'm not talking about my closest friends, they're the bomb.com)

but i just had enough of nashville and the fakeness.

.ENOUGH.

so i took a break.

i was tired of feeling used.

people only talking to me when they wanted things

people only being around me

when they wanted things

and this summer.

i've realized

i was wrong.

yes maybe i was being used sometimes.

but i was looking at it ALLL WRONG.

i wasn't being used.

God was giving me the chance to be used.

make sense.

i was seeing it as being used. walked on. stepped on. looking like a fool.

but it was a chance.

it's ALWAYS a chance.

to help someone.

it's just the way you look at it.

maybe they're looking at it at first as "yes. i will totally befriend her to get in"

but so what.

i was taught to show love and kindness.

no matter what.

not "if i feel like it" or "if i feel like loving them back" or "if they're not using me"

show it anyways.

the thing is.

it's all in how i look at it.

the little chances in life i get to make a difference

everyday we all talk about how "we can change the world'

we all know the quote from the founders of apple.

"this ones for the dreamers, the weird ones, the ones that think outside the box"

something like that.

anyways.

we're always looking for "that break. just one chance to change the world"

truth is.

we get many chances every day

all day.

but they don't look like what we think.

they're not the head of the record label

offering you a deal.

they don't come in a form of a big promotion

or "hey, i'm the perfect person ready to SWEEP you off your feet"

uh no.

i mean i believe in that.

but sometimes it's baby steps first.

baby steps up the stairs...(movie.what movie?")

they come in the form of

a friend needing an ear to listen.

someone behind you, having a bad day and whether or not you hold open the door.

or let it shut in their face.

it comes in the form of inviting someone at work to lunch.

even though you go to lunch with your fun friends.

it's the fact that she goes to lunch with no one.

it comes in the form of befriending

the unfriendable

or when you pass a homeless person

who you usually avoid eye contact with

because you don't want to give them money.

it comes in the form of

maybe they just want you to look up and smile.

just maybe that would make their day.

the little things.

i'm far from perfect. haha

way far away.

like im in never never land

away from perfect.

but the thing is.

i can't sit and wait for my big chance.

i can't wait for the next flood to hit nashville

for my heart to feel the need to help others

i can't wait for a car wreck in front of me

to have my "help the neighbor" moment

those moments are now

right now.

and i fail them everyday

we fail them everyday.

and the thing is...

those little moments

those are the ones that make us ready for the big ones.

sooo that being said.

it's all about how you look at it.

the little things.

that may not seem that important to you.

could be the moments

that change some ones life.

i had a crush on you if...

ok so it's my summer of yes.

yes to taking back my life.

not letting a career decide who i am.

letting love and faith lead the way.

soo...

i'm 27 and have dated like an idiot for the past 5 years.

ok my friend steph would say all through college too.

but i'm over it.

i'm sick of being stupid.

so here is a huge flaw of mine.

i think i'm a great person

i'm probably one of the most charming people you'll meet ;)

so i'm not trying to beat myself up

ha but this is a flaw

I HAVE GOT TO GET RID OF.

what better way than a blog huh?

here are my huge dating flaws

they USED TO EXIST

lately i've been really good about getting rid of them

but i think guys should know they're out there

idiots like me

outgoing

and talking to everyone

except the one she likes

let's play this game....

lindsay liked you if....

1. i talked to your best friend instead of you.

yeah i do this.

i also ALMOST ALWAYS

get asked out by the best friend.

example:

you and your friend walk in.

i have nothing NOTHING to say to you

but instantly bond with your bff paul

sorry bff paul.

i just am too nervous to talk to your friend Bob that I like

sorry bob that i ignored you.

it's just that i was too nervous around you.

2. I've danced with your best friend.

ha and i love to dance

so chances are

i've danced with your best friend

in hopes that you would ask me to dance

ughhh just ask me to dance fellas.

it's easier than this game

unless i held your hand after you danced with me

then i liked you

3. i couldn't hold a conversation with you.

news flash.

i can have the best conversation with a bookshelf.

if i couldn't form a sentence around you

i liked you

if a conversation is really awkward, example:

you: how are you today?

me: i like pencils. sometimes i use pens. but mostly pencils, except when i use markers.

yep.

i'm baffled and have noooo idea what words are spitting out of my mouth.

i liked you.

4. if i pretended i didn't see you.

sorry guys.

this one is HUGE for me.

i suck when it comes to this

example:

i'm at sushi yobi with friends

you walk in.

this place is smallllll.

narrow.... the waiting area is seen by the whole restaurant.

everyone sees you.

but i'm still looking the other way.

then you walk up to the table and i drop my chop sticks and act surprise.

yes.

i saw you and am 5 years old.

then i go back to number 1 and immediately start talking to your bff

and asked him to hang out and play volleyball instead of you.

yep

i was just hoping you would say

"i want to hang out too"

see they all tie together.

5. I emailed you or facebooked you instead of talking to you

ughhh i hate that I can't say what I want to guys in person.

actually most guys are like this too

text.

facebook.

email.

lamesauce.

instead of talking in person.

it's weak really.

imagine if our grandparents had done this?

been this lame?

where would we be?

so guys that i have liked

i'm sorry

sorry that i really liked you

and you probably felt a connection too

and then i played ALL SORTS of games

truth is.

it was just to make you come after me.

which is stupid.

but the truth.

i smile all the time.

laugh all the time so you don't see

that i really miss or like you.

girls do that.

we want to smile in pictures so you don't get it.

but really we just want you to ask us to go get coffee.

no more games.

good thing out of all of this

this summer

i've grown soo much.

it's sad that i wish i could have grown in the past

that maybe one of you would still be in my life

but what's done is done

but i've grown

and two.

i've written some really great songs out of the heartache this has caused me.

haha no seriously

lots of songs.

i'm random

it's over.

i've had it.

i need space.

tonight i've decided.

i'm taking off the facebook notifications.

i know. it's rash

but it must be done.

i can't handle it.

it sends me all these emails.

someone sent you a msg

someone wrote on your wall.

someone in east nashville is thinking about looking at your page.

enough.

enough.

and everytime it sends me a msg

i drop everything to read it.

it's lame.

lame.

so tonight i took them all off.

haha my roommate lara literally gasped when i told her.

so it is done.

i will not be chained to facebook.

no no no.

now i can focus on more important things.

life.

loving.

laughing.

twitter.

on more important news.

my nephew gabe is now reaching.

i think it's time for him to make his blog debut.

world.

meet gabe.

he rocks.

he's got beautiful almost violet eyes.

he's a looker.

i tell my sister that he has a wise old man spirit.

he will have a sail boat.

play checkers in the park while wearing argyle.

and know how to love everyone all the time and be peaceful.

and then there is dylan.hahah wild. watch out.

i'm writing a song for dylan.

because yesterday she got on the phone and goes

"winndddseey! hi"

"hi dylan how is your baby brother?"

"baby brudda! alkjfewoijflakdjaofjoewijkljllfksajdfokajwoejw"

haha and then i get

"i wuv you aunt winddseeyyy!"

so she gets a song.

done.

and you know it's going to be a good one

when the words "keep dreaming" make me bawl just thinking of singing them to her.

ahhhhh i've got a big heart.

judge if you must.

that's all folks.

back to writing

and reading my nicolas sparks book.

that's right.

that's what single girls do to keep their faith in romance alive.

read nicolas sparks books.

hahaha

night.

out of shape

don't you hate when you get out of shape?

you just feel gross.

when you climb those steps and can't breathe?

most of the time when you think of being out of shape.

you think of your body.

well today i wore my favorite pumps.

they're TALL.

we're talking 4"

anyways when I got home

my feet hurrrrtttt.

i wear flats and flip flops all summer

and forgot that my feet aren't ready for heels

they're out of "pump" shape.

guitar.

anyone who plays the guitar knows.

when you first start.

ouch.

you develop calluses on your fingers.

it's kind of weird.

and if i go for more than a week or so with out playing.

i have to build them up again.

hot i know.

but i've got to keep them in shape or else.

pain.

spelling.

i had to take a spelling test yesterday.

i misspelled sincerely.

yep that's a 5th grade level word.

my brain needs some working out FOR SURE.

directions.

ever since GPS.

how many of us can read a map?

who needs to?

who even needs to know how to remember to get to harris teeter.

just mapquest it.

texting.

don't get me started.

when did we lose the art of picking up the phone?

i'm just as bad, it's just easier.

dating.

yes i know.

everyone knows this is my summer of yes.

i've told everyone about it.

i've just been sooo busy with work.

i got REAL out of shape with dating.

i forgot how.

i forgot how to let a guy date me.

so this summer.

we're working that out.

guys you can apply with my friend mandy.

she's doing the screening process.

anyways.

i had to step outside my situation and acknowledge

my dating life is out of shape.

my point is we let things get out of shape.

we spend so much time trying to keeping our bodies in shape.

but what about other things.

all those things take EXERCISE.

practice.

once you get in a routine of being out of shape.

it's hard to get back in.

it's like being obese.

years of eating mcdonalds

chipotle :)

and never working out.

hard hard habits to break and get in shape.

so when you are working out.

think about what in your life

is out of shape.

spiritual life?

when was the last time you let go and gave it to God?

love life?

when did you last love someone and expect NOTHING back?

i know when i think about it.

i have a lot to get in shape.

i'll start with dating and texting.

and see how in shape i can get:)